Loving ... Life ... Death ...

     “My work is loving the world.” Mary Oliver


      "For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation." Rainer Maria Rilke

 
     "Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves."  
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

 
     “Death is our friend precisely because it brings us into absolute and passionate presence with all that is here, that is natural, that is love.” Rainer Maria Rilke

 
     “To live in this world, you must be able to do three things:
to love what is mortal; 
to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, 
when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.” Mary Oliver

Mindfulness and Attachment Insecurity

     "Attachment theory postulates that adult attachment style, a trait-like pattern of affect regulation strategies, develops as a reflection of the sum total of experiences of being cared for in close relationships. 
     When individuals have repeated experiences of caregivers being sensitive & responsive to their needs, they score low in both anxiety and avoidance, reflecting a secure attachment style characterized by a balanced approach to support seeking and emotion regulation. Attachment needs are not denied or suppressed, and nor are they overwhelming. 
     Those who experience caregivers who are inconsistently available & responsive score highly in attachment anxiety. Such individuals tend to engage in hyperactivation of the attachment system, characterized by increased efforts to seek proximity and protection, a hypersensitivity to signs of rejection, and excessive rumination on one’s own shortcomings and immediate relationship threats. 
     Those who experience caregivers that are consistently rejecting or non-responsive score high in attachment avoidance, and tend to engage in deactivation of the attachment system, characterized by avoidance of proximity seeking, denial of attachment needs, and the suppression of signs of vulnerability."

       Jodie C. Stevenson, Lisa-Marie Emerson, Abigail Milling. "The Relationship Between Adult Attachment Orientation and Mindfulness: a Systematic Review and Meta-analysis." Mindfulness 2017; 8: 1438–1455.


     Participants of 8-week MBSR courses, those who attend longer meditation retreats (& those who participate in skillful psychotherapy) are provided with & are taught to provide for themselves & others: a “safe holding place”, non-judgment, self-acceptance & perhaps above all, unconditional love - i.e. "re-parenting." No wonder mindfulness meditation (& psychotherapy) can profoundly ameliorate attachment insecurity. 
 

     "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.” Anon


     “On a retreat, a healer and psychologist who had devoted fifteen years to spiritual practice was struggling yet again with the question of relationships. Feelings of longing and craving and blame kept coming up again and again. We talked and I suggested he spend some days directing a loving-kindness meditation toward himself. At first he resisted; like so many of us, he felt uncomfortable focusing on himself. It was awkward to offer the intention of love and kindness to himself over and over for days. But as the retreat went on, his heart softened. Forgiveness for himself and others arose. The world began to look more beautiful. And then came a realization: 
     It is I who must love myself. No one else can make me feel whole. Only I can provide that love. Now I know that wholeness is always accessible to me and all beings everywhere. This knowing allows me to live with a new peacefulness and kindness to myself and others. In the simplest way, it has changed my life. 
     Again, the lesson of spiritual practice is not about gaining knowledge, but about how we love. ...

     We become the love we have sought. And in this love we are also returned to ourselves.”
        Jack Kornfield. “After the Ecstasy, the Laundry. How the Heart Grows Wise on the Spiritual Path.” Bantam books, 2000.

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Respect for All

     "People who cultivate achievement and virtue do not slight anyone in their hearts, always acting with respect for all."                                             Hui-Neng
 
       Cleary T. transl. "The Sutra of Hui-Neng, Grand Master of Zen, with Hui-Neng's Commentary on the Diamond Sutra." Shambhala, Boston, 1998.

To Be "Held in Meditative Equipoise"

     "Elroy Berdahl remained quiet. ... His eyes were flat and impassive. He didn't speak. He was simply there, like the river and the late-summer sun. And yet by his presence, his mute watchfulness, he made it real. He was the true audience. He was the witness, like God, or like the gods, who look on in absolute silence as we live our lives, as we make our choices or fail to make them."

     O'Brien T. "The things they carried." Mariner Books, Boston, 1990. 

     ... Zen "teachers who are capable of sitting skillfully (and humbly) in the role of teacher, teachers who can navigate their own impulses as well as the projections of their students. One of my favorite stories is of a female student who went to Shunryu Suzuki-roshi and admitted an attraction to him — he replied with something like, “It’s OK. I have enough willpower for both of us.” When that’s real — when nothing you throw at the teacher undermines the teacher’s center of gravity — then teacher and student can really explore that dynamic to its depths."       Koun Franz

        http://sweepingzen.com/koun-franz-interview/

kg_enterprises_1   www.dpreview.com