What IS Going on Here?

    In our hectic lives, when we recognize anything familiar, we quickly name it, subconsciously assume that we know enough about it, and focus on what's next. If we're being honest, we actually know very little about most of the "roses we fail to stop to smell."
    Assumptions about "knowledge" are humbling. It's the brightest, most knowledgeable students who tend to suffer from "imposter syndrome" - where they doubt their knowledge and feel like frauds, despite clear evidence to the contrary. Meanwhile, some students who are in obvious danger of failing, are happily confident (Dunning-Kruger effect).

     When we come across something radically unusual, instead of investigating it with curiosity & interest, many tend to write it off as an unimportant aberration. This is how scientific materialism deals with anything that can't be measured & quantified. That attitude may be reasonable in the midst of an experiment. But real scientists should be curious about & ideally investigate anything that is clearly outside the scientific materialist paradigm.

    Curiosity (http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=curiosity) and Love (http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=love) powerfully balance out our anxious, fearful avoidance of intimately savoring & exploring the miracle of ALL that the present moment holds. http://www.johnlovas.com/2023/03/a-big-old-cuppa.html 

      “When the vague, implicit meanings are unpacked by an articulate mind attuned to them, and when the abstractions needed to conceptualize reality (left hemisphere) are informed by a wider, overall sense of context (balanced by the right hemisphere), then something that we might call genius, or at least insight, can occur.”  
    Gary Lachman “Lost Knowledge of the Imagination.” Floris Books, 2017

    Peter Brown's concise 108-page 2020 book, “The Yoga of Radiant Presence” ($13) gives an exceptionally clear, useful overview for anyone seriously interested in stepping through the "barrier" or, more accurately, "gateless gate" between our common, default ideas: small separate self & materialist worldview or "consensus reality" and the mystics', saints', and ever-increasing numbers of ordinary folks' direct experience of Ultimate Reality:

    “Spirituality is paradox. 
    Reality, the actual condition, cannot be conceived of, described, written about, or imagined. Nothing is actually as it appears to be, or is held to be. Even to say that this is pure miracle or magic does not begin to capture it. 
    Nevertheless, this book has been written for anyone who finds themselves driven to confront paradox, to challenge impossibility, and to try to penetrate this deepest Mystery for themselves.

    Yoga is an ancient word, that means investigation for discovery of truth, of the actual nature of reality. The Sanskrit root means union or joining, and what is joined or unified is held to be one's separate self with the totality of being. In fact these are already one, and Yoga clearly reveals this to be so.

    The Yoga presented here is distinguished by its technique, where the normal experience of the yogi, without any modification of behavior or circumstance, is the method of experiential engagement that leads to realization of the absolute.

    This is effective because in fact it happens that your normal experience IS already the complete naked Presence of the absolute. This is ultimately discovered to be the case by directly noticing the inherent properties of your experience. Through Yoga these are discovered to be fundamentally beyond what you are normally used to imagining them to be, and are revealed to be essentially entirely miraculous.

    The practice of Yoga is: Investigating the nature of reality by engaging with present experience intimately, sensitively, and intelligently." 

 

    The above is a pretty radical departure for most of us, because our "normal" is mostly regretting the past, worrying about the future, and sleep-walking right past "the roses" and all the other "ordinary miracles" of the present moment. 

    “You have to go beyond all concepts. And you will find it in the stillness of your mind, in the quiet chambers of your mind when you go from the known to the unknown, from the physical to the spiritual … 
    When you hear beyond the word, an inner light goes on and it brings out inner knowledge and wisdom, spiritual intelligence, before the contamination of human thought.” 
    Sydney Banks, “Long Beach Lecture Series: The Great Illusion”

    For a gentle entry into this, perhaps newish territory I recommend setting aside 30 minutes for uninterrupted attention to Helen Hamilton's video. She leads a gentle, guided "self-inquiry" meditation for 23 minutes. Then for 7 minutes she'll answer the first of several very worthwhile questions. Enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4bXew7umcc

    Next, for additional details on self-inquiry, here are 3 brief, very concise recent videos in which Angelo Dilullo clearly explains what you need to know practicing self-inquiry:
    Part 1: • Self Inquiry (Part 1: Ramana Maharshi, Adv...  
    Part 2: • Self Inquiry (Part 2: The Process Itself)  
    Part 3: • Self Inquiry (Part 3: Where the Real Work ... 

 

Unreal-Appearing REAL Clouds

Transformative Shifts

 

    “While the cartoon is clearly poking more fun at mathematics than psychology, the same three-step formula often seems to apply whenever people undergo a transformative shift in their life. 
    Step One: They live their life, doing the best they can but often drifting or even floundering along the way. 
    Step Two: Then a miracle occurs … 
    Step Three: … and somehow their life is completely different. They go from inaction to action, from stuck to flowering, from limited to free, from miserable to happy. They’re no longer driven to drink alcohol or go shopping or take regular hits of their drug of choice. Before long, their career takes off, their relationships improve beyond all recognition, and their creative output soars. 

     We all know at least one person who’s experienced this kind of transformation in their life. Perhaps it’s a friend or family member who ‘found religion’ and really did begin to live a kinder, gentler life. Or someone who was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or had a near-death experience and began to experience more gratitude and to appreciate the simple things in life. 
    Sometimes, the cause of the transformation seems more random – the person read something in a book, or heard someone say something that somehow struck them at a far deeper level than may have been intended.

    Syd Banks reportedly experienced his first major insight while hiking with a fellow participant on a weekend seminar. In the midst of an argument over which of them was more insecure, his companion told him, ‘You’re not really insecure, Syd – you just think you are.’ Somehow, that innocuous, almost comical statement made nearly 40 years ago triggered a series of insights into the nature of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness which led to the development of a whole new field of psychology.

    Such transformations are not the result of an intervention, but rather the effect of a shift in our level of consciousness.

    Most of us experienced at least a temporary shift in our level of consciousness the first time we fell in love. Suddenly, the world seemed a more beautiful place. We were inspired to write poetry, or to draw pictures, or create things that reflected the beautiful feelings we felt inside us. 
    Because we attributed those feelings to another person, we often returned to our habitual level afterward. But those feelings don’t come from outside us – they’re a part of our essential selves. When we see the fundamental truth of that, the shift in consciousness becomes permanent and new levels of seeing become available to us. That transformative shift comes to us via insight – literally ‘sight from within.’

    Insights are those wonderful ‘Aha!’ moments when we’re able to see something about ourselves, our life, or life itself in a whole new way. People often call them ‘light-bulb moments,’ because we see things in a new light that makes them look less fixed and less scary than before. If there’s anything to be done, we do it without the need for any additional debate or willpower. 
    In these wonderful transformative moments, we discover a fresh new way of seeing something that we may have been looking at for ages. We suddenly ‘get it’ – not intellectually, the way we might understand a concept, but at an almost cellular level, the way we either get a joke or we don’t, even when we know that it’s supposed to be funny. Quite simply, insights change our world.” 
    Michael Neill “The Inside Out Revolution. The Only Thing You Need to Know to Change Your Life Forever.” Hay House, 2013. EXCELLENT, CONCISE, IMPORTANT BOOK!

 

Michael Neill (above) is a student of Sydney Banks (below)

 

    "There are an infinite number of levels or states of consciousness. The way we observe and react to reality as a whole is directly related to the level of consciousness from which we are functioning. Let me give you an example: It’s one of those days when you wish you had stayed in bed. You’re in a bad mood and everything seems to go wrong. You might even feel the entire world is against you and, as far as you’re concerned, it’s someone else’s fault for making you feel that way. Of course, when you have days like that, nothing you do goes well. 
     Now here is a strange thing: You go to bed feeling awful. The next morning you wake up and – lo and behold – you’re in a better mood, and you are relieved to realize the whole world isn’t against you after all. 
    Now think about it, the world hasn’t changed. It’s the same old world out there; what has changed is your level of consciousness, which has come back to a more logical state, enabling you to see life with more clarity & understanding.

    It is very important to remember that the gift of Consciousness has no form or power of its own; how you use it is strictly up to you. This gift gives us the ability to recognize that there are different levels of existence.

    Levels of Consciousness are similar to an outside elevator on a tall building. It goes up and it goes down all day, every day. The higher the elevator car ascends, the more can be surveyed. Views that may be blocked from the fourth floor can easily be seen from the tenth. 
    Similarly, the higher your level of consciousness, the more understanding will be in your heart. The higher the consciousness elevator ascends, the more you see and understand, allowing you access to more common sense, insights & wisdom. That is, when your consciousness ascends to a higher level, it assists you to see beyond whatever misled thoughts were obscuring your vision yesterday. 
     Now consider that if someone were trying to explain such a psychological elevator ride – say, to the twelfth floor – to a person who had never been above the second floor, the conversation would appear mystical for the simple reason that they would be talking about the as yet unknown. 
    You can try to analyze or explain Consciousness forever and you will never achieve your goal – guaranteed! If you continue to try to analyze Consciousness, you will never come to the end of your futile journey. The important thing is, now that you know Consciousness exists, forget trying to analyze it and simply use it."
    Sydney Banks "The Enlightened Gardener" Lone Pine Publishing, 2016. SKILLFUL INTRODUCTION to Sydney Banks' PROFOUNDLY BENEFICIAL INSIGHTS   

 

    Many of us assume that if we can't understand every step of an explanation, then it's nonsense and we instantly abandon the subject. At the same time, we take for granted & make daily use of an almost infinite number of phenomena - INCLUDING LIFE'S MOST IMPORTANT ONES eg LOVE, TRUST, MEANING, etc - which our innate wisdom knows intimately, but about which we have little or no intellectual understanding. Yet we innocently remain emotionally attached to the illusion of our rationality.

    “You are a worldly adult. You have spent your whole life letting go of the innocent dreams that made your childhood so warm and hopeful and full of certainty. Dream by dream you let them go. We all do it, to shield ourselves from disappointment. It’s easy to shed them. Not so easy to get them back.” 
    Fiora Gandolfi, “Fiora’s Niche.” by John Berendt, in “An Innocent Abroad. Life-Changing Trips from 35 Great Writers” ed Don George, Lonely Planet, 2014.

 

My small self OR the Divine OR ...

     From my earliest childhood memories, I've sensed a wise, loving, guiding presence in my life. As an adult, I thought that somehow I'd forgotten who exactly this powerful influence on me was - perhaps my Dad, my favorite aunt or some other kind individual. This sense arose almost certainly before "individuating" into my small separate self.  
    Nevertheless, I maintained the connection to this relationship, understanding that my mind was not enough, that I needed all of my intelligences to deal with the challenges of daily life. So here I was assuming that this was something like intuition, perhaps bodily way of knowing, or even some spiritual connection to animals or nature.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us." Marianne Williamson

    When I was 50 or so, I had the insight that a key spiritual shift was the realization that instead of desperately needing love, our very nature can somehow transform, and spiritually turn inside out, becoming the source of love. 

    “In my world love is the only law.  
     I do not ask for love, I give it.”                     Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

 
    Then, facilitating Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) courses, I would talk about each of us having both a "Hurt Inner Child" as well as a "Wise Grandparent" sub-personality or 'part' (Internal Family Systems {IFS}). When the Hurt Child in us is triggered & upset, the Wise Grandparent in us can see the bigger picture and bring loving comfort.

    This morning, while listening to Helen Hamilton's wise nondual teaching (below), I realized after almost 8 decades of wondering, that the mysterious presence from my early childhood was, is, and will be "Self" - the aspect of our unique personhood that is one with the transpersonal Divine. This is love, the life force that animates us and all phenomena as well as the unseen. 

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, 
we find it hitched 
to everything else in the universe." 
John Muir

 

    Recognizing nonduality is said to be as challenging as it is for fish to recognize the water in which they live. Water is everywhere outside & inside the fish, it's what they are, it's taken for granted, and therefore "hidden in plain sight" - almost undetectable. And yet, the difference in one's quality of life as one shifts from dualism to increasingly seeing from a nondualistic perspective is indescribable. Here is Angelo DiLullo's story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OKU-3-jXAA

    Below, Helen Hamilton provides guidance in self-inquiry to help discern who/what we truly are, which is also "hidden in plain sight" - almost undetectable.

Helen Hamilton: “Cutting Through Illusion with the Sword of Discernment!"

 

Love - the Central Mystery

    Many of us have firm ideas about things we love / crave / must have and things we hate / fear / must avoid. Deep down, we fear that only by controlling these preferences, can we avoid chaos, misery & death.
    Of course these are just thoughts, and as such, CAN change.  

    The wise repeatedly advise: 
            “We are here to find that dimension within ourselves that is deeper than thought.”                  Eckhart Tolle

             "The Great Way is not difficult
             for those who have no preferences..." Sengstan

            “The whole point of spiritual practice is to discover that we’re already good enough. That we don’t have to prove a thing." Henry Shukman

    Nevertheless, some choose to rigidly stick to small, contracted, self-defeating ideas for an entire lifetime. In essence they're saying, 'IF life doesn't give me what I want, THEN I refuse to accept, never mind love myself, others, and life itself.' Their love is kept small, hostage, conditional, and so they unwittingly remain trapped in suffering.

    Some - including you I hope - choose to open their minds & hearts, remembering who they really are, the mystery, the love, that is one with everyone & everything, thus accepting & unconditionally loving everyone & everything - the good, the bad & the ugly manifestations of this one mystery.
    The resultant, progressively increasing peace & joy is part of a lifelong immersive process, beautifully guided by Helen Hamilton in a valuable (97min) talk “The Pathway of Love” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWkkmLx1G6Y and partially transcribed here:

 

     "This path that we’re following here is a very direct path to self-realization or awakening and everything that I’m sharing in (our meetings) is from my own experience of what really seemed to work for me, after lots of experience of what really didn’t work for me, in terms of not only recognizing who I am, what everything is – the one formless reality, the supreme Self – but also clearly recognizing and being able to step away from who l am not. And, so there is only the real Self, the One being. 
    And any ideas that we have about ourselves that are coming from the old sense of self, the old sense of a separate self that’s going to be falling away more & more as we progress on the path. 
    However, that doesn’t mean that that process is automatic. For many of us, we might need a little help. Certainly I did, and most people I meet need a little help to move beyond those old ideas about ourselves. And it’s because of this particular thing, moving beyond these old ideas about who we thought we were, and into a deeper understanding of what we actually are, and an experiential realization of that, I ended up writing a series of books. They just wanted to be expressed. And I felt really called today to read from one of those books (“How to Fall in Love with Yourself” 2021) And as always, it’s a theme that’s been coming up during the week again & again. And I always like to try to speak about something that’s relevant right now for me, and also people have been asking about. So I want to read today from this book, and I’m going to read from the introduction. But just a little background about this book first. 
    We might call what we really are, I’ve used ‘supreme Self,’ ‘formless reality’ in this satsang already. We could also call it ‘silence’ and ‘consciousness,’ ‘presence,’ ‘Divinity,’ ‘noumenon,’ ‘awakeness.’ We could call it ‘beingness.’ There are so many names for what we could call ourselves - the real Self. But ‘love’ is another name. 
    And as I began to realize who I was, I began to realize that to live authentically as that, that real Self, I had to be able to fall in love with myself again. And I don’t mean to fall in love with the formlessness, the silence. We’re already there with that, right? We have devotion to the truth, the formless reality. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here in this satsang or on the path. 
    But how do we fall in love with our body and our mind and our personality quirks and the things we would rather let go of? And of course, I’m not talking about romantic love here, although the love that we are will express itself that way too if it wants to. But how do we love something like fear? How do we love resistance we find inside ourselves? 
    This whole book was written to try to detail the steps of love that I went through in my own journey. And this book is actually a pathway in itself. If you were to read this book and really take it in and really try to embody what it is explaining and showing, that is, for me, 95% at least of awakening the journey to living as that real self or that real love. At least 95% complete, maybe more. There are only one or two more tiny things to know after that. So it’s a pathway in and of itself. And I thought it might be useful just to read from the beginning in this satsang. Something in my heart wanted to share it, so we will do that. 
    First of all, just to give a little overview of this, there are several types of love that we experience. And we all begin with conditional love. And conditional love says, ‘I’ll love you if,’ or ‘I’ll love you when,’ or ‘I’ll love me if or when.’ So when I change or let go of this thing that’s not right about me, then I’ll love myself. When I wake up to truth completely & embody it fully, then I will love myself. Or, I’ll love you if you make me feel secure, or worthwhile, or needed, or whatever we’re asking for, unconsciously of course. 

    Conditional love is not bad. It is simply conditional love. It’s a more limited expression of the real love that we are. When the real love thinks itself to be a separate person, only one body and mind, all it knows is conditional love, love with conditions put upon it. 
    Then, as we deepen in our journey into awakening, we’ll begin to touch on unconditional love, which is simply I love me as I am and I love you as you are. But there’s still a separate person there even in unconditional love, an apparent separate being loving unconditionally. And again, unconditional love is not better than conditional love. It just is more expansive, less limited. 
    So, the book takes us through that journey. But most of what I want to say today we can get through in the first two chapters, which lay the foundation. The final stage of love is nondual love, or love before division, or love before separation. Love where there is no person or thing to love. There is just love recognizing itself. So, when love looks at something, that love sees itself in a different disguise. It doesn’t see a person or a thing, only recognizes itself. 
    What I thought I would do is I would read through these chapters and then, as always, I’ll open it up for any questions ... 
    So I’ll start with the dedication for the book.

    ‘This book is dedicated to all humanity in the hope that it helps us to come to love and accept ourselves as we are right now. Only once we may love without limits, expectations and demands upon ourselves will we begin to live and love in our highest potential. May you fall deeply back in love with yourself and may all internal conflict cease. Let there be peace in your heart.’

    Because if you fall back in love with yourself, then you’re going to find it impossible to judge yourself or anyone else or anything else. You’re going to find it impossible to resist, reject or dislike yourself. And the deepest part of awakening is a full & rich expression of the love that we are, living like a human being in the world – a living, loving expression, looking like a human being, but not confused anymore.

    ‘Introduction: This book arose out of a clear calling from students who expressed a deep wish to be able to love without limits and without any boundaries. Over and over again, it was seen that there was a deep desire in each of us to return to the natural state of love that we really are. And yet, time and time again, I saw most of us don’t know how to stop judging ourselves and begin to allow the emergence of love.’

    And that was how it was in my own journey too. I knew that the ultimate goal was to love myself. Whatever that meant, I didn’t know. But there was a deep desire for that, and I was endlessly frustrated by not knowing how to actually begin with that. As I said before, the only experience of love I’d had was conditional love and conditional love for myself, which was really my own unique way, as you have your own unique way, I’m sure, to reject or judge yourself.

    ‘This book is offered then in the wish that it serves as a gateway to allow the love that is already inside each one of us, but perhaps we don’t know how to allow. As you read the chapters that follow and apply them, a deepening sense of acceptance, love, & compassion for your own self and others will begin to emerge. Soon you’ll forget how to judge yourself harshly or negate any part of your existence. Your very presence will inspire the same in others around you.’

    Pause there for a moment. What would it be like to forget how to judge yourself harshly or negate any part of your existence? What does that even mean? It means that no matter what arises or what we would like to change about ourselves, we’re not going to use that as a reason for not loving ourselves. We’re not going to put conditions on that love. We love ourselves because we are, because we exist, and we’re not going to treat the continued unfolding evolution of our body & mind as a kind of project or a work in progress that is going from imperfect to perfect. 
    So not being able to judge yourself, there is only peace. It doesn’t mean that you stop unfolding & evolving. Your mind & body in fact will still evolve and love will emerge even faster. And as it says, ‘you’ll inspire that in others too as they see your living example. 

    It’s not our fault that perhaps we don’t know how to love ourself as yet, and we must stop blaming ourselves. Simply through coming to understand what love is and how it moves in our lives, we’ll begin to become that love and move away from judging ourselves and others.

    'First, we’ll take a look at what love is, and perhaps more importantly, what it is not. Second, we’ll take a look at the stages of love we will move through in our journey. We all start with conditional love before allowing unconditional love to blossom. We can then move even further into an awakening to the truest non-dual love of the real self or reality. Each of these stages will be described and explained so that we may let go of more limited forms of love and move to freer expressions of self-love. Limited is not wrong or bad. It is simply limited.’

    It’s important that we can start right now. If we notice that we’re loving ourselves conditionally, that we’re withholding love or approval from ourselves until we measure up to the picture that we have of how we’re supposed to be, then we can really notice that even without judgment. If all that we have been taught is conditional love, how could we possibly know any different? And if those that raised us have only been taught conditional love
 and had examples of that, how could they know? 
    So we can begin to move even into unconditional love now, if we can see our own tendency to withhold love from ourselves without judgment of it just to see it: when this thing happens; or when I feel that emotion; or when I have the same old trigger come up inside again; or when I find that I have spent too much money; or put too much weight on; or said the wrong thing to the person I want to be with. When we find those things happening, even if we notice an immediate rejection of ourselves because of that inside, can we simply just notice that? And of course, we would want to move to a deeper form of love. 
    But can we blame ourselves, if we don’t know that yet? And what happens if we don’t judge ourselves for not knowing even what love is or what unconditional love would look like? Have we really had many examples of unconditionally loving beings to model ourselves upon? Did we learn it in school? Did we get sat down and told this is how to love yourself unconditionally? Well, I certainly didn’t. So we can start to let go of judging and blaming ourselves for where we’re at. If all we have for ourselves is self-hatred and self-rejection or judgment, so be it. But we don’t need to blame ourselves for that. We’ve all been taught that the way to change into who we think we should be, is by rejecting and blaming ourselves as we are right now. And that has never worked, not ever, not once. So let’s continue reading.

    ‘Lastly, we will look at how we can love our separate sense of self or ego into dissolution. As our capacity for love deepens, we can stop rejecting any part of ourselves and begin to live as that highest expression of love in which there is no object of love but only love itself – formless, omnipresent love. 
    One human being, living as this highest expression of love, can change the world and inspire many others to do the same. Isn’t it time you lived your highest and best life?’

    We’ve all known examples of great beings who have walked this path right to the end of the path of love, which is what this book is about. It’s a path in itself. Examples of those who are not only unconditionally loving – the great sages, the great teachers – but have the capacity to love all of creation because they know what it really is – that it’s not at all what it looks like.

    We’ll move onto chapter 1, called ‘What is Love Anyway?’ because as I was writing this, it reminded me of my own experience. The first thing I had to admit to myself is that I didn’t know what love was. And it was a huge relief when I finally admitted it. This thing that I had been wanting and chasing, trying to get from other beings – please, please, please love me so I’ll feel better about myself; and trying to give to others; trying to love others. And if I was to become this love, or to live as this love that I already am, doesn’t it make sense then that we start by honestly admitting that we might not know what that is? What is love? It’s an endless question, but it’s enough for us to start by just letting go of any blame, again for ourselves, that we might not know what it is. Again, nobody has ever actually sat us down and said, ‘This is what love is in its various expressions.’ So,

    ‘Chapter 1, What is Love Anyway? 
    We are here to learn how to love ourselves. And the first step is to realize that it’s not our fault if we don’t already know how to do that. We may have been taught that love is to want to improve ourselves or be better than we are. Whilst this is a noble intention, it will also set us up on a never-ending path of trying to improve what is already here and perfect in this moment. 
    None of us start out feeling our own perfection. And in fact, we may be highly skilled at noticing our imperfections.’ 

    I certainly was. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I was. I was an expert on my own failure and my own imperfections.

    ‘To begin to love ourselves, we must come to admit that maybe we don’t really know how to do that, and that it is not our fault if we don’t.’ 
    I’m going to repeat that because it’s so important. 
    ‘None of us start out feeling our own perfection. And in fact, we may be highly skilled at noticing our imperfections. To begin to love ourselves, we must come to admit that maybe we don’t really know how to do that, and that it is not our fault if we don’t.’

    So can we just take a pause here, and if we’re willing to admit to ourselves inside that maybe we don’t know how to love ourselves, and that that could be a good thing. And it’s only this idea, that we should already know this, that torments us. If we don’t know how to love ourselves and we weren’t supposed to know yet, then how much are we at blame or fault?

    ‘What if we look at our life as an opportunity to learn how to love rather than a place to prove to ourselves that we are no good at it?’ 
    So let me say that again, because it’s so important. 
    ‘What if we look at our life as an opportunity to learn how to love rather than a place to prove to ourselves that we are no good at it? If you want to learn to drive a car, but you have not yet met anyone that can show you how, would you be berating yourself that you cannot drive before having even a single lesson? No, of course you wouldn’t. Yet each one of us is punishing ourselves deep down inside because we feel we should know how to love our own self and others.’

    So we’re beating ourselves up, berating ourselves because we think we should know how to do something we’ve never been shown how to do – to love ourselves. It’s quite strange, isn’t it, the way human beings are when we look at it like this – this idea that I should already know how to fall in love with myself, how to fall in love with all of myself - the formlessness, the silence, the stillness that I deeply love already. 
    But I might even be loving that to try to get away from the form, which I was doing. You know, if I fall deeply in love with silence enough, somehow it will magically transform this (small self / personality / ego) into what I want it to be. It’s not the fullest form of love, is it? It’s conditional love. I love my mind, my body, my life, my emotions, as long as they change and look completely different, is what I was in effect saying. 
    So let me just recap that. If you want to learn to drive a car, but you’ve not yet met anyone that can show you how, would you be berating yourself that you can’t drive before having even a single lesson? No. Of course not. You wouldn’t.

    ‘Yet each one of us is punishing ourselves deep down inside because we feel we should know how to love our own self and others. 
    Let’s just be honest and say perhaps we don’t know how and that we aren’t supposed to know how. Can we move around in our life in this orientation? Can we begin to be students of love and lovingness and want to find out what that is? Can we let go of judging, hating, and blaming ourselves that we don’t seem to know how to love ourselves?’

    There’s an opportunity here. Let’s pause to just launch an intention, not to try hard or anything, but just to launch an intention inside ourselves. I’d like to let go of judging, hating, and blaming myself because I don’t seem to know how to love myself yet. If that feels relevant inside, then let’s just take a moment to let that arise. I’d just like to let go of that, knowing that the arising of that intention is enough. So,

    ‘Can we let go of judging, hating, and blaming ourselves that we don’t seem to know how to love ourselves? Yes, we can. I would urge you to let go of your ideas about love and instead insist on finding out what that really is. We may have seen many examples of loving beings that seem to radiate that love to all. And we may somehow be trying to measure up to that standard. What we fail to realize is that that great love for all of humanity emerging from these beings has been allowed, recognized, and learned rather than intuitively known.’

    That’s important! If we’re trying to emulate some being who’s really, really loving of all creation, including themselves, can we recognize that they’ve been through their own process already that we’re going through right now, to allow love to emerge? And what would it be like if we simply were students of love, and viewed our life, as we were saying before, as a place for love to emerge?

    ‘Perhaps it’s wiser to say that a lot of both has occurred.’ 
    So, ‘a lot of both’ being that we’ve learned, allowed, and recognized and also intuitively known about love. 
    ‘Sages, avatars, and teachers of truth and love have had to do this exact same opening up and admittance of “I don’t know what love is, nor how to get it or be it” too. We all start from the same honest place of truth. Love is to begin to admit the truth that maybe I don’t know how to love myself, and maybe I’m not supposed to know already.’ 
    I’ll read that last sentence again, 
    ‘Love is to begin to admit the truth that maybe I don’t know how to love myself, and maybe I’m not supposed to know already.’

    What if that is the very first act of love that you can really give yourself – unconditional expression of love? Maybe I don’t know how to love and I’m not supposed to. I’m finding out as I go.

    ‘Can the capacity for love be viewed as an art, science or an emerging skill? Yes, indeed it can. All of us have been taught to love conditionally and that’s where we all start. Even the great sages started from their ideas about what love is, and how to do it or be it. We can finally begin to love ourselves more in this moment by accepting that we can love what love actually is, rather than loving our ideas and preconceptions about it.’ 
    I’ll say that again, 
    ‘We can finally begin to love ourselves more in this moment by accepting that we can love what love actually is, rather than loving our ideas and preconceptions about it. Perhaps even this simple thing is to be love itself already. Perhaps in admitting we don’t know what love is, and have been following what we think it is, is how to love ourselves more.’

    So if we can recognize that we maybe have been in love with our ideas about what we think love is and should be, and now we’re drawing a line underneath that and saying, ‘I don’t know what love is,’ then we’re wide open for some revelation to appear, to actually love love itself, rather than to love what we think it is. To love ourselves, rather than to love who we think we are, which is usually some very distorted self-image that has nothing to do with who we actually are. And perhaps just doing this one thing is actually beginning to be the love that we want to be. 
    I don’t know what love is. I’ve perhaps only experienced my ideas about it. And I’m beginning to explore what love actually is. How I actually love myself might be very different than how I think I should go about loving myself. That’s a huge difference. 
    We can make that shift now. We can make that shift now in this moment. I want to know what love is. I have all kinds of songs going around in my head at the moment from various artists (laughs) – ‘All You Need is Love’ and ‘I Want to Know What Love Is.’

    ‘What happens when we throw out all ideas that we should already know how to be love, to give or to receive love, or how to love others more? We will immediately be starting from the truest place of all by knowing that we don’t know how and that is totally okay right now. 
    Love yourself enough to admit right now, with me, that you don’t know. I don’t know how to love either because I don’t know what love is. I am in a constant and never-ending unfolding and discovery of what love is. Each and every moment love is revealing another face of itself to me. And I love that I don’t know what it is. It was a huge relief to admit I didn’t actually know, nor was I supposed to know. Try that on for size and see if it feels good.’

    I’ll conclude by saying, I still don’t know what love is. This satsang for me, and hopefully for you, is an unfolding discovery and exploration of love – also known as 'silence' or 'consciousness' or 'presence' or 'divinity.' 
    And I hope there’s been something said here, as I’ve read through these chapters, some movement inside of you, that if all you get from this one thing that maybe we’re not supposed to know how to love ourselves yet, and how could we know, if nobody has shown us. Just that one thing is life-changing in itself. And then we can begin to be students of love and students of lovingness, as it says in the previous chapter. So hopefully then there is a deepening within us all from sharing this time together, this love together and I really sincerely really hope that something has moved inside your heart and a deeper love for yourself is emerging just by being here, just by listening, just by absorbing what this is and what this means. 
    Just to recap, there were the first two chapters of the book, ‘How to Fall In Love with Yourself.’ And you might see that it came from my own journey of having absolutely no idea how to love myself at all, and yet somehow really, really wanting to. And now there is this falling away of any end point to that. What if it was a never-ending deepening of love for myself, and somehow, 'myself' has grown to encompass all of manifestation, and the unmanifest? 

    I hope that that was helpful.”

    Helen Hamilton, first 36 minutes of her valuable (97min) talk: “The Pathway of Love” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWkkmLx1G6Y

from "Awake Awhile" by Hafiz