Feelings are Important

    "Our feelings are a barometer of how our thoughts are being utilized." 
     Sydney Banks, "The Enlightened Gardener" Lone Pine Publishing, 2016.

     How am I? Seriously - check in with yourself! Why? Because the whole gamut of BAD feelings are caused by "thinking." It's NOT what happens to us, but how we THINK about it that causes MOST of our suffering. And we're OFTEN caught - much like whales entangled in fishing nets - in useless thinking (self-talk, internal chatter). We're almost constantly talking to ourselves in our heads, and 90-95% of it is useless, even harmful. We innocently but WRONGLY assume that this steady chatter tells us the objective truth, who we actually are and provides evidence that we're alive & thinking rationally. NO! The vast majority of self-talk is old, repetitious bits of "the story of me" - a poor, wronged, separate me, barely surviving in a crazy, hostile world.

    Whenever we're caught up in self-talk, we actually feel BAD: stressed, overwhelmed, out of control, contracted, sad / angry, lonely & disconnected. Our "mind racing" is not normal. "Multitasking" is not productive. There's often a real sense of "time crunch" - not nearly enough time to get everything done, even in a "half-assed" way. You may be thinking, 'Stop the world, I want to get off!' This is just rushing towards burnout.  

    “Every human being is sitting in the middle of mental health and they don't know it.” Sydney Banks

    So we can't stop the world, BUT each one of us CAN let go of the actual cause of most of our unnecessary, self-inflicted suffering - we CAN let go of self-talk!  

    We can easily detect when we're caught up in self-talk because it makes us feel BAD. So we first notice self-talk going on AND we drop it, just let it go, stop supplying energy that sustains noise. EVERYONE CAN DO THIS. Then repeatedly bring awareness to the silence that is always there between, behind, underneath the words & other noises. Be curious, "listen for" & enjoy resting, luxuriating in the silence. 

    Quickly you'll begin to appreciate all that comes with silence: peace (instead of stress & time-poverty); wisdom & calm competence (instead of feeling overwhelmed & out of control); spaciousness & relaxation (instead of contraction & tension); intimacy & oneness (instead of loneliness & disconnectedness). Within this peaceful silence we effortlessly connect with deepest intelligence or wisdom & creativity which far exceeds our personal (egoic) intelligence. We operate FAR more wisely, efficiently, empathically, and joyfully when we're acting from the depth of who we truly are.

    "When mind and soul are in unison, you will experience mental well-being."
     Sydney Banks, "The Enlightened Gardener" Lone Pine Publishing, 2016.

DO listen to this EXCELLENT 56 minute Michael Neill interview

 

Starting the Hero's Journey

    I boldly suggest that each one of us is on our own individual hero's journey, and will complete it in this lifetime, or after an unknown number of lifetimes. Most of us don't seem to be in any hurry, however, completion - awakening - does eliminate tremendous amounts of needless suffering. 

     In the forward, Angelo DiLullo dedicates his valuable guidebook to awakening with, "to anyone who, from this moment forward, is willing to forgo comfort and predictability to venture into the unknown in the name of truth." We do love our comforts and can quickly get very upset if our wifi is unexpectedly lost for a few minutes.

        “… we live in a society of endless distractions and any of these can be used to avoid discomfort. Well, when we take up an investigation of our deepest truths, we are voluntarily putting ourselves in situations that, by nature, make it hard to distract ourselves. As we do this, we will often notice some discomfort. Sometimes it is a mild uneasiness. Other times it might feel more intense. Either way it can be tremendously helpful to simply acknowledge the discomfort. ‘Okay, I am feeling uncomfortable. What is it like? What does it feel like in my body at this moment? Do I have to do something to immediately distract myself like my thoughts or habits suggest, or can I just be with it?’ You might be surprised. What you’ve been running from for years might turn out to be tolerable, even enjoyable after a time.

    ‘The ultimate measure of a human being is not where he stands in moments of comfort & convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.’ 

    Martin Luther King Jr. 

 

    Perhaps you can only sit with the discomfort for a few minutes at first, and that’s perfectly acceptable. Over time you will start to recognize that you have an innate capacity to relax into whatever the body is feeling in the moment. With this relaxation, you may notice an alchemical process. The restlessness & discomfort will begin to transform into an experience of presence & wholeness. An intuitive realization might dawn – the discomfort itself was not what was making us distractible, restless, & irritable. These were only side effects of the habitual activity of running from our emotions. With this realization, we start to recognize that there is intelligence in discomfort. It is like a messenger telling you, ‘Look here!’ This will begin to replace the old habit pattern that seems to say, ‘Run away!’ As we experientially recognize our capacity to sit with these processes, a certain spontaneous willingness begins to emerge. We see that by voluntarily opening to the intelligence of these uncomfortable moments, we are simply acknowledging what is already within us. We recognize that to run from these experiences is to run from ourselves. We’ve done that for too long, haven’t we? All that running is what is causing our suffering. This separation from ourselves is what perpetuates that sense of separation from others, and from life itself.

    You will find (awakening) to be the adventure of all adventures. 

    BUT if it’s not your priority at this time in life, then by all means, put it aside and pursue what most authentically moves you. This book will always be available if you choose to return and readdress this matter. There is no judgement from me or the Universe. If you genuinely feel that it is your path to be an exceptional parent and raise a family, then that is exactly what you should be doing. If you want to throw yourself fully into art or music, then that is exactly what you should do. If you feel genuinely moved to pursue a life of scientific investigation, then by all means go do that. This is your life, so doing what feels most authentic and relevant to you regardless of social expectation is what will be most fulfilling."
    Angelo DiLullo MD. “Awake. It’s Your Turn.” 2021. VALUABLE GUIDEBOOK

    After my awakening experience, "everything changed. Everything changed. What really stunned me, I was in the middle of really a lot of turmoil in my personal life at the time and literally an hour before my awakening, there were all the problems I was dealing with in my life, and an hour later there was no problem anymore. And this has absolutely nothing to do with the denying of facts. This is not about denying that things are not working, or that it’s some kind of inertia or lack of action or downplaying or denying the reality of the situation. It’s because the narrative drops. When the narrative – the thought-created narrative – is not there, then you actually get to have a very clear view of the situation, rather than overshadowed by the narrative. There was a situation, I can tell you with certainty that happened following this awakening, that would have been really shocking, really painful and devastating, had it happened before that awakening. I would have been devastated. It would have broken me. It would have broken me. And yet here I was, in that situation, dealing with it with such clarity and grace that I never thought I would be capable of. I was completely stunned by the lack of drama that I know otherwise would be there. Was there pain? Yes. Was there shock? Yes. But there was such clarity of perception and knowing how to navigate this situation that really was both personal and impersonal at the same time. It even stunned Michael (Neill – my teacher at the time) because when I told him that, he went very quiet. He was speechless because he got to hear what I witnessed and the details of what was so shocking and painful, and when I then told him how I dealt with it and shared with him how I saw everything, he himself went quiet and he said, wow, unbelievable, even I think I would lose it in the same situation.” 
    Angelo DiLullo “Academics to Awakening! - Interview with Maggie” 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvqlmackJN0  

    "If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is: Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern." William Blake  

Leonard Cohen - "What Happens to the Heart?"

My small self OR the Divine OR ...

     From my earliest childhood memories, I've sensed a wise, loving, guiding presence in my life. As an adult, I thought that somehow I'd forgotten who exactly this powerful influence on me was - perhaps my Dad, my favorite aunt or some other kind individual. This sense arose almost certainly before "individuating" into my small separate self.  
    Nevertheless, I maintained the connection to this relationship, understanding that my mind was not enough, that I needed all of my intelligences to deal with the challenges of daily life. So here I was assuming that this was something like intuition, perhaps bodily way of knowing, or even some spiritual connection to animals or nature.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us." Marianne Williamson

    When I was 50 or so, I had the insight that a key spiritual shift was the realization that instead of desperately needing love, our very nature can somehow transform, and spiritually turn inside out, becoming the source of love. 

    “In my world love is the only law.  
     I do not ask for love, I give it.”                     Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

 
    Then, facilitating Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) courses, I would talk about each of us having both a "Hurt Inner Child" as well as a "Wise Grandparent" sub-personality or 'part' (Internal Family Systems {IFS}). When the Hurt Child in us is triggered & upset, the Wise Grandparent in us can see the bigger picture and bring loving comfort.

    This morning, while listening to Helen Hamilton's wise nondual teaching (below), I realized after almost 8 decades of wondering, that the mysterious presence from my early childhood was, is, and will be "Self" - the aspect of our unique personhood that is one with the transpersonal Divine. This is love, the life force that animates us and all phenomena as well as the unseen. 

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, 
we find it hitched 
to everything else in the universe." 
John Muir

 

    Recognizing nonduality is said to be as challenging as it is for fish to recognize the water in which they live. Water is everywhere outside & inside the fish, it's what they are, it's taken for granted, and therefore "hidden in plain sight" - almost undetectable. And yet, the difference in one's quality of life as one shifts from dualism to increasingly seeing from a nondualistic perspective is indescribable. Here is Angelo DiLullo's story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OKU-3-jXAA

    Below, Helen Hamilton provides guidance in self-inquiry to help discern who/what we truly are, which is also "hidden in plain sight" - almost undetectable.

Helen Hamilton: “Cutting Through Illusion with the Sword of Discernment!"

 

Old Stories - OR - Directly Experiencing Reality

    I resonate with the nondual teachings of people like Lisa Cairns, Helen Hamilton, Gangaji, Angelo DiLullo, Henry Shukman, Louise Kay, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, Richard Rohr, James Finley, Rami Shapiro, David Steindl-Rast, Norman Fischer, Rumi, Rainer Maria Rilke, etc.

    "I believe that, whatever we’re going to call it – God, Kali or whatever – is a nondual Reality. I don’t believe that there’s a God separate from Nature, who created the world, who judges us, and all that. I’m not a dualist. I’m a nondualist. And so I’m interested in the nondual aspects of Hinduism and Vedanta, in Taoism and Zen, Christianity, Islam, wherever – they all have this nondual perspective among their mystics. I’m interested in that. I will play in all those arenas, because I think they’re all leading us to the same ineffable experience. When you’re talking about that nondual reality, the labels are irrelevant. And I mean, every religious tradition has this mystic element. And because the mystics understand that - God or whatever they’re going to call it - can be experienced directly, in, with, & as you. And I’m interested in that experience. But that’s not what the conventional religious teachers tell you."
    Rami Shapiro "CHALLENGING BELIEFS: Are You a VICTIM of Spiritual Misguidance?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rZLlvXFQ7k 

 
    "The final stage of love is nondual love, or love before division, or love before separation. Love where there is no person or thing to love. There is just love recognizing itself. So, when love looks at something, that love sees itself in a different disguise. It doesn’t see a person or a thing, only recognizes itself."
    Helen Hamilton – “The Pathway of Love” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWkkmLx1G6Y 

    “Vigilance is awareness of what does not disappear even when objects appear. Whether those objects are exquisite or horrible or mundane, always there is awareness aware of itself. Whether those objects are emotional or mental or physical, always there is awareness aware of itself.  
    Pure vigilance must be an ease of recognition; otherwise, there is doing vigilance, and this is already not vigilant. When you hear this thought, Now I am going to do vigilance, ask yourself, ‘Who’ is doing vigilance? This is direct self-inquiry. You will see that it is quite natural to be aware of passing objects as well as aware of what is aware of both passing objects and itself. 
     It is a mistaken understanding that implies vigilance to be a burden. The real burden is the denial of your beingness as awareness itself. The idea that vigilance is a burden comes from the concept of spiritual practice. You are admonished to practice. ‘You have to keep your practice.’ 
    I don’t know what the word practice is translated from, but it is a bad translation, because in English practice means some kind of preparation for a real event. You practice for the football game. You practice for your recital. So I don’t use the word practice in terms of vigilance. I am talking about being vigilance. Be that right now. You are that already. Recognize yourself as that, and be vigilant to your true nature. Then see. Without looking for anything, see. 
    In Western culture, particularly in America, we are trained to know what is going to be ahead and to attempt to make it be what we want it to be. This is why there is so much suffering here, trying to force life to be something based on a particular concept. Then we search for agreement with that concept and fight any disagreement of that concept. Even if we are victorious in our fight, we are left unsatisfied, unfulfilled. 
    Wait and see doesn’t necessarily mean you sit on your couch and never move. It also doesn’t necessarily mean that you get off your couch and move. It is much deeper than that. An active life can be lived as vigilance, and an inactive life can be lived as vigilance. 
    There will be many insights. There will be many revelations and deepening experiences. In the midst of it all, be vigilant to what has not moved, what has always been whole, what has always been radiant & unpolluted. There will be even deeper insights. Enjoy them as they come, wave them good-bye as they pass, and be vigilant to what has not moved, what has not been lost by the experience of loss, and what has not been augmented by the experience of gain. 
    Be vigilance. The deepest joy of the human experience is to be vigilant. It is not a task. It is bliss itself. A bliss that is awake & vigilant to what never moves, to what is always present. Be that. Then you will see that this entity called your lifetime unfolds exquisitely, as a flower unfolds. As it begins to die, it will die exquisitely, as a flower dies. You don’t need to dip it in wax so that it will stay forever at a certain stage. Death is not the enemy. Fear of death is the enemy. Fear of death is the result of the misidentification of yourself as some particular entity. Your true identification is the sky of being.”
    Gangaji. “Freedom and Resolve. Finding Your True Home in the Universe.” Hampton Roads, 2014. VALUABLE little book!

 

    May this guided nondual (30 minute) meditation help you feel into, remember & re-experience deep calm, homecoming & peace - that you (& everyone & everything) already are, have always been, & will always be: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkhrKy4FStE

 

    “Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. 
     ... live in the question.” Rainer Maria Rilke