The Mature Human Being

     “Do not confuse motion and progress.
     A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress."         Alfred A. Montapert

"Now we will count to twelve

and we will all keep still,

for once on the face of the earth,

let's not speak in any language;

let's stop for a second,

and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment

without rush, without engines;

we would all be together

in a sudden strangeness.

Fishermen in the cold sea

would not harm whales

and the man gathering salt

would not look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars,

wars with gas, wars with fire,

victories with no survivors,

would put on clean clothes

and walk about with their brothers

in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused

with total inactivity.

Life is what it is about...

If we were not so single-minded

about keeping our lives moving,

and for once could do nothing,

perhaps a huge silence

might interrupt this sadness

of never understanding ourselves

and of threatening ourselves with death.

Now I'll count up to twelve

and you keep quiet and I will go."

 

Pablo Neruda

 

      "Non-doing" is not doing nothing, rather it is the sense of effortlessness, arising from the felt sense of rightness, balance, authenticity. Non-doing is wise, nurturing behavior which minimizes suffering & maximizes long-term flourishing, peace & joy for ourselves & others. Our 'wise elder' part becomes stable, and holds our own & others' 'inner child' in safety & unconditional love. Inner & outer conflict, friction & noise are minimized; silence, stillness & peace maximized.
     This is not science fiction, this is just us being mature, civilized human beings.

 

 

Distracted? Unable to Focus?

    "There were several drug and alcohol addicts in the class ... Other self-harming, addictive habits in this class included: self-cutting, shopping themselves into deep debt, sexual promiscuity, disordered eating, uncontrollable rage, workaholism, and relational addiction.

     Relational addiction plagued five students who were addicted either to a particular person or to constant interaction with other people via texting, calling, or being with others in person. They were so addicted to being in constant contact with others that they were literally not able to leave their cell phones off for an hour or be alone for any length of time.

     One of these students was a texting addict and came to my office to talk, BlackBerry in hand. She continually looked down at her BlackBerry, scanning for new text messages. At two points during our twenty minute conversation, when I was talking to her about an important matter, she typed out and sent text messages. I resisted the urge to criticize, be punitive or sarcastic about it. I could see that she could not stop herself, even though she might have wanted to. Rather than judge it, I wanted to understand the behavior. I was curious why a generally well-mannered and gracious person would do something so lacking in awareness and considerateness.

     The same question arises with any addiction. For Benjamin, I wondered: how can an intelligent, good-hearted young man, seemingly well-loved by his family, be completely unable to stop getting high, even to the point of death or jail? As the medical and psychological communities have known for decades now, it is not a matter of 'willpower.'

     I asked the texting addict: 'I noticed you kept looking at your phone and even sent two texts while I was talking to you. Can you help me understand that? It communicates that you do not care about our conversation, yet I know you do.'

     She shared, 'I know it’s annoying, but I can’t help myself. I can’t let texts just sit there without a quick response. I like to keep everything going . . . I don’t want to miss out on anything.'

     She had no awareness that she had just 'missed out' on being with me in that moment.

     Such craving leads to endless distractedness and an inability to focus on school work. It also makes it extremely difficult for the person to be present with others. The person constantly wants to be elsewhere – to get that next 'fix' of a text, an e-mail, an event, a drink, a cookie, a television show, a high of whatever sort.

     All addictive patterns turn on the same dynamic: the distractive activity is experienced as a welcome relief from real life. The negative behavior or thought pattern, as bad as it is, is believed to provide relief from the normal vicissitudes of real life. I noticed the dynamic in myself in the process of writing this article. When discomfort arose (self-doubt, fear of peer disapproval, stress over deadlines, and so forth), there was the wandering to the kitchen 'for a snack.' What is better than a handful (or two!) of homemade chocolate chip cookies to numb writer’s angst?

     Contemplative pedagogy (eg Mindfulness) is not about a goal, an outcome, or even effort. It is about being alive to the lifelong path of self-evolution – thereby becoming a beneficial presence in the world, to all beings. Isn’t that what any effective pedagogy aims to do?"

       Fran Grace. "Learning as a Path, Not a Goal: Contemplative Pedagogy – Its Principles and Practices." Teaching Theology and Religion 2011; 14 (2): 99-124.

 

Insight Dialogue, Interpersonal Understanding, Relational Ease, and the Metta Foundation

     Despite having read & re-read Gregory Kramer's excellent book: “Insight dialogue. The interpersonal path to freedom.” (Shambhala, Boston, 2007), and having a long-time interest & trainings in communication skills (non-violent communication, motivational interviewing, appreciative inquiry, solution-focused therapy), I was very pleasantly surprised by the quality and depth of experiential practice at the recent Insight Dialogue (ID) retreat just north of Seattle WA (3rd annual Cascadia Retreat, Samish Island).
     Gregory Kramer and Mary Burns were superb facilitators to us 48 participants, roughly half of whom had had previous ID training.
     I can now really appreciate Kramer's writing: "We cannot reasonably expect individualistic philosophies and solitary practices to directly address the pain and confusion that arise between two people or in society at large. Nor can we expect solo endeavors to yield a direct path to the rewards of relational ease and insight. What is required is a fundamentally interpersonal understanding of the path and a meditation practice explicitly evolved to take place in relation with others. This book (  and participation in ID retreats  ) is about such an understanding and such a path." http://metta.org/

Richard Kirsten Daiensai    http://www.kirstengallery.com