Discretionary Suffering?

    Many today are drowning in a dazzling array of challenges: burn-out from overwork / depression from unemployment; anxiety / boredom; overwhelmed by too many people / desperate loneliness; obesity / hunger; adrift in too much choice from wealth / imprisoned by poverty; etc.
    “The Buddha once spoke of what he called the eight worldly winds. Gain & loss, fame & disgrace, praise & blame, and pleasure & pain spin the world, he said, and the world spins after them.
    These eight winds blow through everyone’s lives, no matter how much we have meditated or how accomplished we have become. They challenge us endlessly: we instinctively recoil from the discomfort they create yet chase after the ego gratification they promise.
    The Buddha suggested that this (our recoiling / chasing reaction) ties us unnecessarily to the vagaries of worldly life. The eight winds come and go ceaselessly; as much as we try to pick and choose among them, it is impossible to have some without the others. While we cannot stop them, with enough foresight we can learn to relate to them differently. Desirable things do not have to beguile the mind, and undesirable ones do not have to bring endless resistance. We can let the winds blow through us instead of letting them buffet us about.” Mark Epstein, “How Meditation Failed Me” Tricycle 2022

    MOST of our suffering is "discretionary" - completely unnecessary according to Buddhism! We CAN: learn to gradually accept even the painful challenges that we can't change eg constant change, aging, sickness & death of even our closest loved ones & ourselves. We CAN: find the energy & courage to change the things we can & should. And we CAN: discover our innate wisdom to know the difference between what we can't change & must accept, and what we can & should change.

    Obtaining relief from the bulk of our suffering (as described above), demands radical acceptance! http://www.johnlovas.com/2022/06/too-beautiful-to-die.html

    We underestimate & overlook the EXTREME efforts SO MANY make in their FUTILE attempts to escape relentless suffering:
    • An estimated 703,000 people a year take their life around the world. For every suicide, there are likely 20 other people making a suicide attempt and many more have serious thoughts of suicide.
    • Overdose deaths remain a leading cause of injury-related death in the United States. The majority of overdose deaths involve opioids. 91,799 in the USA in 2020. 3,556 in Canada, between January & June of 2022 - approximately 20 deaths per day.
    • Addictions:
            Psychologists estimate that the prevalence of work addiction in Americans is 10%. Other estimates that range from 15–25% may include people who are committed workers rather than those who have a true addiction to work. Jun 3, 2022
            Chronic phone use is a recently developed form of addiction. The American Psychiatric Association does not officially recognize the condition. Still, it is acknowledged as a behavioral addiction by many medical professionals and researchers worldwide. According to several studies, over time, the devoted use of smartphones can alter and negatively impact an individual much like gambling. The devices are carefully designed to be hard to put down. Through its colors, sounds, & vibrations, the technology purposely keeps its users engaged. According to former Google design ethicist Tristan Harris, features like “pull to refresh” were inspired by slot machines & other casino games. Designers & engineers meticulously develop every aspect of the device to create fanatical users.
            Approximately 1 percent of the adult population in the United States has a severe gambling problem. The most recent research estimates that 6 to 9 percent of young people and young adults experience problems related to gambling -- a higher rate than among adults.
            About 10% of all adults admit to having an addiction to sexual content on the internet. This includes 17% of women. Officially, however, about 200,000 Americans meet the classification of porn addiction. Sep 13, 2022
            More than 5% of the population may suffer from food addiction, according to one study. Foods full of fat and sugar can supercharge the brain’s reward system similarly to the way addictive drugs do. They can override the brain’s normal ability to tell an individual to stop eating. When this happens, a person may want to eat more and more.
            Hoarding disorder is now a medically recognized mental health disorder and one which can be greatly affected by addiction. The overall prevalence of hoarding disorder is approximately 2.6%, with higher rates for people over 60 years old and people with other psychiatric diagnoses, especially anxiety and depression.
            More than 3 billion people play video games globally, including 214 million in the U.S. The World Health Organization reports that up to 3% of people who play video games have a video game addiction.
            Some extreme adventurers readily admit to being addicted to their very dangerous sports: "Something larger than you takes over. It’s mysterious and inexplicable. You need to go out there again and again to find it.” Maria Coffey (see below)

    Regarding the use of the term "addiction," one psychiatrist who specialized in treating addictions for over 25 years wrote that there's only a quantitative difference between those addicted to substances and the average person's clinging to the momentum of their sleep-walking life - ie most of us resist living a more consciously evolving life. Gerald May. "Addiction and Grace. Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions." HarperCollins, 1988.
    Even more pointedly, neuroscientist & professor of developmental psychology Mark Lewis PhD, argues that addiction is not a disease, but results from the motivated repetition of the same thoughts & behaviors until they become habitual. https://healthyhealers.blogspot.com/2015/08/addiction-not-disease.html

    "similarly to my alcoholism and addiction, I view depression and anxiety as the inevitable result of a consciousness that doesn't take time to turn inward & listen to what needs acceptance. My sanity, like my sobriety, is a daily reprieve born of effort & diligence, rather than a birthright. And, quite frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way." Josh Korda 

    Former world champion extreme skier, Kristen Ulmer, teaches her workshop participants “to breathe in their fear and breathe out the possibility of ever getting rid of it.
    ‘As humans we have these disowned voices. For years I completely disowned fear; it was not going to help me accomplish being the best woman skier in the world. No fear, no fear – it was like having this screaming child in the basement desperate to get out. At some point it’s going to start tearing you apart.
    Only when you embrace your fear [AND other parts of your "shadow"] can your fear relax. It’s like a child that needs to be listened to. Once it’s listened to, it calms down.’”
    Maria Coffey. “Explorers of the Infinite. The Secret Spiritual Lives of Extreme Athletes – and What They Reveal About Near-Death Experiences, Psychic Communications, and Touching the Beyond.” Jeremy P. Tarcher / Penguin, 2008. FANTASTIC imho

 

                            “The purpose of life is not to transcend the body,
                             but to embody the transcendent.” Dalai Lama 

 

 

How Could Anyone Behave Like THAT?!

     Increasingly we find ourselves outraged, even disgusted, at other peoples' behavior. The ethics, morality, even "common decency" of people in leadership positions appear to be racing toward new lows. 

     “Healing is bringing awareness & mercy into that which we have held in judgment & in fear.” Stephen Levine

     But only being upset about others' perceived imperfections, helps neither ourselves nor them. In fact, it simply fuels smouldering resentment within us.
     If we imagine having an only child or grandchild, whom we lovingly raised, grow up to be a really nasty criminal, locked away in prison after hurting many people, how would we deal with him?
     The easiest (primitive reptilian) reaction would be to scorn & abandon him. This would hurt him and us. 
     The most mature or evolved response, with greatest long-term benefit for ALL, would be our heart-mind perceiving some tiny spark of the innocent goodness he was born with. We'd then do our best to re-ignite that spark, to nourish & rehabilitate him so he could evolve, mature, flourish and lead a full meaningful decent life, and make amends to the people he hurt. Our nurturing response would be from unconditional love - love that is unearned yet equally deserved & tremendously needed by every one of us.
      Feeling lack of unconditional love is, I suspect, the underlying basis of all traumas. Trying to fill the resultant empty feeling inside through aggressive acquisition of things, people, experiences, achievements - "looking for love in all the wrong places" - is the cause of all "bad behavior" particularly addictions.

     "The truth is, what one really needs is not Nobel prizes but love. How do you think one gets to be a Nobel laureate? Wanting love, that's how. Wanting it so bad one works all the time and ends up a Nobel laureate. It's a consolation prize.
     What matters is love."       George Wald - Nobel prize-winning biologist from Harvard 

     “Not knowing we are loved and lovable makes the heart grow cold. And all the tragedy of human life follows from there."
       John Welwood. "Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships. Healing the Wound of the Heart." Trumpeter, 2006.

     I've heard a number of people, including those most affected by Hitler's atrocities, say that had they been born with the same genetics and exposed to the same environment as Hitler, they would have behaved exactly as he had. The logic of this striking statement is imho very strong, whether one is a devout secular materialist or strongly spiritually inclined. Perhaps most importantly, it gives credence to the idea that 'everyone does the best they can, under the circumstances.' This does NOT condone harmful behavior, which has to be quickly stopped & healed as well as possible. But it's best accomplished from a position of connection with a fellow imperfect human being, instead of disconnection, as if the offender were some alien life form.
     Whether you think you're an inherent part of cosmic primordial intelligence temporarily manifesting as a unique physical form; or the child of a deity in whose image & likeness you manifest; or a piece of meat that can accidentally think for a while; how else, other than genetics (nurturing of your ancestors) and your personal nurturing, can the huge variations in behavior come about, especially wrt morality, ethics, decency in fellow human beings who otherwise arose just like you? This should allow us to be far less judgemental of others AND ourselves!! If we can give ourselves some serious self-compassion, it's FAR easier to be compassionate towards others.

     The massive influence of "Nature & Nurture" (genetics & nurturing) does NOT imho negate free will. We are ALSO capable of nurturing ourselves eg through meditation (& other spiritual) practices. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2018/07/healing-basic-wound-of-heart.html

     So it appears that we start life by being helpless, are nurtured to highly varying degrees, and mature in proportion to the nurturing we've received, modified by our genetics - eg our various inherited intelligences.

      “Psychologists reckon that 94% of us, most of the time, are driven by the negative motivations of fear, greed/craving, anger, and self-assertion; such negative motivations lead to negative and destructive behavior. It is the role of spiritual intelligence to raise our motivations to the higher ones of exploration, cooperation, self- and situational-mastery, creativity, and service.” Danah Zohar


One Breath

My tender heart trembles, Reacting,
the mind spins
this way and that... Looking for escape.
I cannot accept this. Feeling powerless Separate
Broken
I can't breathe....
This is the legacy of suffering
The wisdom, as always,
is about turning towards this pain. A deep, deep wound.
Admit it's there
Feel the feelings in this heart Listen
Open
Don't look away
Heal
Breathe...
This is compassion for oneself.
And then,
with the steadiness
that comes from unflinching, Loving awareness,
Speak and act from the heart. Let it be known
Protect and Serve
Don't look away
Ever
Live...
This is compassion for the world.
True solidarity.
A radical acceptance.
That sacred space between the out breath and the in breath...
Death and Rebirth
No separation
Them
Us
One.
Love...
This is a prayer for all beings        Mark Arthur, Black Buddhist author & meditator

Are you OK?

     After practicing mindfulness (both informally and formally) for a while, with a deep drive to understand what this one, short, precious life is about, we develop progressively more refined sensitivity towards what our body-mind actually experiences moment-to-moment. 
     It thus becomes obvious as soon as the felt sense of OK turns to NOT OK. Typically we immediately, automatically react by thinking, saying or doing something, anything, to try to escape NOT OK & try to get back to feeling OK again ASAP. ALL of us (not only addicts**) do this with surprising frequency. And we only appreciate this after becoming far more mindful. A fascinating (though a bit too scholarly IMHO) book analyzes the pivotal role of this sense of NOT OK or "lack": David R. Loy. “Lack & Transcendence. The Problem of Death and Life in Psychotherapy, Existentialism, and Buddhism.” Wisdom Publications, 2018.
     ** There's far less difference between "addicts" and "clean & sober" folk than we tend to assume (according to May, a psychiatrist specializing in addictions for 25yrs). Gerald May. "Addiction and Grace. Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions." HarperCollins, 1988.

     The moment we feel NOT OK, it's as if the earth's gravitational hold on us is lost - we no longer feel "grounded" - some degree of "free-floating" anxiety, even "all-hell's-breaking-loose-chaos" emerges. The "illusion of control" has just evaporated! How do I reclaim some sense of control & groundedness ASAP?

     "Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less." Marie Curie 

     "The next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky. This is where the courage comes in. Usually, we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear. When I was first married, my husband said I was one of the bravest people he knew. When I asked him why, he said because I was a complete coward but went ahead and did things anyhow." Pema Chödrön

     So first & foremost, in what HEALTHY manner can I "get a grip on reality"? Becoming intentionally aware of our immediate location in our own body with feet securely held by the floor, lungs breathing; physically on solid ground, and intentionally checking-in with our immediate surroundings eg the walls, windows, etc. Check, check, yes, we're here, safe & physically on solid earth. This works as an emergency stop-gap maneuver. It can return us to "consensus reality" - Freud's "ordinary unhappiness."
     However, if we live long enough, or even if we're young but have experienced at least one "shipwreck" we'll require a major perspective or consciousness upgrade, well beyond consensus reality. Shipwrecks are serious traumas: end of a long meaningful relationship, betrayal, job loss / retirement, serious illness / death of a loved one, our own aging, illnesses & ultimately, death.
     “To undergo shipwreck is to be threatened in a total and primary way. … what has dependably served as shelter and protection and held and carried one where one wanted to go comes apart. What once promised trustworthiness vanishes.” Sharon Danloz Parks. “Big Questions, Worthy Dreams. Mentoring Young Adults in their Search for Meaning, Purpose, and Faith.” John Wiley & Sons, 2000.
      "‘ontological security’ ... refers to the important need to maintain a sense of security in a context of constant change and potential threat. Ontological security is what is lost when, at times of experiencing a major loss or a trauma, we lose our sense of who we are." Thompson N, Pascal J. “Reflective Practice: An Existentialist Perspective.” Reflective Practice 2011; 12(1): 15—26. 

     So, how can we seriously upgrade our perspective / consciousness so we may not just survive but thrive, becoming as independent as possible** of constantly changing, mostly uncontrollable circumstances, which always include at least one shipwreck? 
     It's not quick! And it's easier for some than for others. The only effective way I personally know of, & have been following for over two decades, is meditation practice. Here's how one very committed meditation practitioner described the process: 
     "... simply the organic process whereby you learn to get out of your own way so that the life you were meant to live can fully emerge. I can truthfully say that this approach ... has utterly transformed me. It has also nearly driven me batshit with frustration and despair. Although I’ve been doing this work full-time for close to a decade now, I am no expert. I am simply someone who has had his resistance to reality thoroughly worn down ..."
     Referring to processing "emotional baggage" that does come up during sustained meditation practice: 
     "You deal with your shit by sitting with it. By breathing right into it. You don’t try to ignore it with pleasant thoughts or lofty ideas, and you don’t try to bury it with solutions. You deal with it, you work with it, one breath at a time. You hold it right there, in your hara, or breathing center. You don’t try to breathe it out; you don’t try to breathe it in. You keep it suspended in your diaphragm like a burning-hot coin. Your problems won’t change; only you can change. That’s the point." Shozan Jack Haubner. “Zen Confidential. Confessions of a Wayward Monk.” Shambhala, 2013.

     And with meditation practice our perspective / consciousness does evolve & change, we're progressively better able to relate to ourselves & others in a way that is more satisfactory for ourselves & those around us. This evolution or shift is a DIY process - it has to be experienced for oneself through committed formal meditation practice. Reading & self-reflection are beneficial supplements to formal meditation, but not sufficient.


      ** We can eliminate most of our suffering by living more consciously & wisely.

Acceptance and Discretionary Suffering

     The core of meditation practice IMHO is carefully investigating the difference between unavoidable vs discretionary suffering: investigating how we can minimize our tendency to unwittingly cause LOTS of unnecessary problems for ourself & those around us.
     A reasonable starting point is Reinhold Niebuhr's "serenity prayer":
          Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
          courage to change the things I can;
          and wisdom to know the difference. 

     Let's look at the rather large & often frustrating "things I cannot change" category. Many people suffering with chronic pain, as well as a variety of mental health issues including addictions, can potentially benefit greatly from the following teaching:

     “Accepting and releasing into just what is, is the homeopathy of Zen. Being willing to settle into just this experience – this is the teaching of saying yes to our life, not giving in to thoughts of another life. We learn that our resistance strengthens whatever we want to avoid.
     Trying on the attitude of yes is the not-knowing mind, whereas the conditioned mind creates conditions. This is too much (or not enough). No way am I going to stay in this situation. The not-knowing mind is willing to know and feel whatever is happening.
     Recently I was thinking about a difficult situation in my life, trying to find a way to make it acceptable. For days I would think about it, invite my mind to reimagine it in a less painful way. After weeks of trying, I realized, I’m helpless. I can’t solve this by myself: I just have to be it. That realization was an enormous relief. Like Ram Dass saying, I’m going to be on this train forever, I settled into my own circumstances: There isn’t anything I can do about this situation. There is no way to escape it. I must live with it and let it become digested and transformed internally on its own. Thinking I had to solve the problem became the problem.”
        Katherine Thanas. “The Truth of This Life. Zen Teachings on Loving the World as It Is.” Shambhala, 2018.

Anesthesia and Amnesia - Our Primary ‘Sins’

Anesthesia
     We go numb to try to cope with the fact that we have not been granted what we need to thrive. The levels of addiction in our society are off the charts, and I’m not just talking about alcohol and drugs; I’m talking about shopping, working, sex. Addictions are an attempt to cope with intolerable states. The meager lives we are asked to live, in which we are often reduced to ‘earning a living,’ are themselves intolerable. We are meant to have a more sensuous, imaginative, and creative existence. As children we are enchanted with the world, yet as adults we end up, as poet Mary Oliver said, ‘breathing just a little, and calling it a life.’ That’s the anesthesia.

Amnesia  
     We are living in what writer and cultural critic Daniel Quinn calls the Great Forgetting. Many of us have forgotten that we’re a part of an ecosystem, a watershed. We’ve forgotten that we’re kin to all the other animals. We’ve forgotten that we need each other. We have forgotten what I call the ‘commons of the soul.’
     For thousands of years we were nourished by being members of a community, gathering around the fire, hearing the stories of the elders, feeling supported during times of loss and grief, offering gratitude, singing together, sharing meals at night and our dreams in the morning. I call these activities ‘primary satisfactions.’ We are hard-wired to want them, but few of us receive them. 
     In their absence we turn to secondary satisfactions: rank, privilege, wealth, status — or, on the shadow side, addictions. The problem with these secondary satisfactions is that we can never get enough of them. We always want more. But once we find our primary satisfactions, we don’t want much else. Though primary satisfactions are rare in our culture, we do experience them. We can remember what that felt like and let our longing for that state become our compass, telling us what direction we need to go to get back to those satisfactions. We can find them through our friendships, by spending time in nature, by risking being vulnerable with someone we trust."

     It's SO easy to intellectually and or spiritually bypass our real task of growing up via deep meditation / contemplation / self-reflection. Cynicism and or desperately adhering to some dogma - despite feeling completely wrong - remain sadly common secondary satisfactions. Regardless of age, we're all drawn towards zoning out - like curling up with thumb in mouth & our favorite blankie. But ONLY what's true, real and deeply meaningful can satisfy.

     "I don’t use soul in a religious sense but rather the way psychologists Carl Jung and James Hillman and the Romantic poets like Keats, Wordsworth, and Blake use it: to speak of the experience of depth in our lives. Soul invites the marginal, the excluded, and the unwelcome pieces of ourselves into our attention. Soul is often found at the edges, both in the culture and in our lives. Soul takes us down into the places of our shared humanity, such as sorrow and longing, suffering and death. Soul requires that we be authentic, revealing what lies behind the image we try to show the world, including our flaws and peculiarities. Soul doesn’t care at all about perfection or getting it right. It cares about participation. Soul is revealed in dreams and images, in our most intimate conversations, and in our desire to live a life of meaning and purpose."

       “The Geography Of Sorrow - Francis Weller On Navigating Our Losses.” The Sun Interview: by Tim McKee, October 2015. https://thesunmagazine.org/issues/478/the-geography-of-sorrow

What do you Need?

     What or whom do you reach for when you feel uneasy, uncertain, adrift, anxious, afraid, groundless, lost? 
     How often do you feel dys-ease? 
     How dependent are you on what / whom you reach for?
     Does what / whom you reach for actually cure - OR - just provide a bit of distraction from your dys-ease?

     Isn't it peace that we lack when we feel dys-ease. But peace cannot be acquired by grabbing onto people, things or experiences. We become peaceful as we let go of, become independent from, all the distractions we habitually reach for whenever we feel the 'anxious quiver of being.'

       "If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
       If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
       And if you let go completely, you will have complete peace."            Ajahn Chah
                                                                                                                                              
     Letting go of - learning not to take seriously - not to depend on - distractions, is not a dogma nor even a should. It's something to try for our self. If, after an honest trial period, it works for us, then it may be worth continuing.

 

Distracted? Unable to Focus?

    "There were several drug and alcohol addicts in the class ... Other self-harming, addictive habits in this class included: self-cutting, shopping themselves into deep debt, sexual promiscuity, disordered eating, uncontrollable rage, workaholism, and relational addiction.

     Relational addiction plagued five students who were addicted either to a particular person or to constant interaction with other people via texting, calling, or being with others in person. They were so addicted to being in constant contact with others that they were literally not able to leave their cell phones off for an hour or be alone for any length of time.

     One of these students was a texting addict and came to my office to talk, BlackBerry in hand. She continually looked down at her BlackBerry, scanning for new text messages. At two points during our twenty minute conversation, when I was talking to her about an important matter, she typed out and sent text messages. I resisted the urge to criticize, be punitive or sarcastic about it. I could see that she could not stop herself, even though she might have wanted to. Rather than judge it, I wanted to understand the behavior. I was curious why a generally well-mannered and gracious person would do something so lacking in awareness and considerateness.

     The same question arises with any addiction. For Benjamin, I wondered: how can an intelligent, good-hearted young man, seemingly well-loved by his family, be completely unable to stop getting high, even to the point of death or jail? As the medical and psychological communities have known for decades now, it is not a matter of 'willpower.'

     I asked the texting addict: 'I noticed you kept looking at your phone and even sent two texts while I was talking to you. Can you help me understand that? It communicates that you do not care about our conversation, yet I know you do.'

     She shared, 'I know it’s annoying, but I can’t help myself. I can’t let texts just sit there without a quick response. I like to keep everything going . . . I don’t want to miss out on anything.'

     She had no awareness that she had just 'missed out' on being with me in that moment.

     Such craving leads to endless distractedness and an inability to focus on school work. It also makes it extremely difficult for the person to be present with others. The person constantly wants to be elsewhere – to get that next 'fix' of a text, an e-mail, an event, a drink, a cookie, a television show, a high of whatever sort.

     All addictive patterns turn on the same dynamic: the distractive activity is experienced as a welcome relief from real life. The negative behavior or thought pattern, as bad as it is, is believed to provide relief from the normal vicissitudes of real life. I noticed the dynamic in myself in the process of writing this article. When discomfort arose (self-doubt, fear of peer disapproval, stress over deadlines, and so forth), there was the wandering to the kitchen 'for a snack.' What is better than a handful (or two!) of homemade chocolate chip cookies to numb writer’s angst?

     Contemplative pedagogy (eg Mindfulness) is not about a goal, an outcome, or even effort. It is about being alive to the lifelong path of self-evolution – thereby becoming a beneficial presence in the world, to all beings. Isn’t that what any effective pedagogy aims to do?"

       Fran Grace. "Learning as a Path, Not a Goal: Contemplative Pedagogy – Its Principles and Practices." Teaching Theology and Religion 2011; 14 (2): 99-124.

 

When we Fail to Accept Afflictive Emotions

     "We numb (our) vulnerability. We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted & medicated adult cohort in US history. The problem is - and I learned it from my research - is that you cannot selectively numb emotion.
     You can't say "Here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment - I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers & a banana-nut muffin. I don't want to feel these." You can't numb those hard feelings without (simultaneously) numbing the other affects or emotions - you cannot selectively numb. 
     So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness, and then we are miserable, and we're looking for purpose & meaning. And then we feel vulnerable, and then we have a couple of beers & a banana-nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle. 
     One of the things we have to think about is why & how we numb."
       Brene Brown PhD, from her (20min) TEDtalk below

Opening, Letting Go, Flowing

     letting go of dependence on small parts
     letting go of aversion to small parts
     accepting preferences AND letting them go
     feeling it all flow through
     being the flow AND the opening
     flowing flowing flowing

Tamas Dezso photography   www.tamas-dezso.com

It's Just Bubble Gum - Not Quicksand

gradual uncoupling
from magnetic charges
as if gravity were lost
and freedom found
floating ungrounded
choices once hidden
hidden & tainted
I see more clearly
much less addicted
so much less addicted
to all that's around

sparkwood   www.dpreview.com

Less Likely to be Blown Off Course by the Winds of Life

     "A new study from the University of Toronto Scarborough shows that people who are aware of their own thoughts and emotions are less affected by positive feedback from others.
     The study, authored by UTSC PhD candidate Rimma Teper, finds that individuals high in the trait known as mindfulness show less neural response to positive feedback than their less mindful peers.
     'These findings suggest that mindful individuals may be less affected by immediate rewards and fits well with the idea that mindful individuals are typically less impulsive' says Teper.
     Mindfulness is characterized by an ability to recognize and accept one’s thoughts and emotions without judgment. Mindful individuals are much better at letting their feelings and thoughts go rather than getting carried away.
     Using electroencephalography (EEG) the brain activity of participants was recorded while they completed a reaction time task on a computer. The authors were interested in participants’ brain activity in response to receiving performance feedback that was rewarding, neutral or negative in nature. Not only were mindful individuals less responsive to rewarding feedback compared to others, they also showed less difference in their neural response to neutral versus rewarding feedback.
     'Many studies, including our own past work, have shown that people who meditate, and mindful individuals exhibit improved self-control. If mindful individuals are also less affected by immediate rewards, as our study suggests, this may help explain why,' says Teper’s PhD supervisor and UTSC psychology professor Michael Inzlicht.
     The findings also reflect further clinical research that supports the notion of accepting one’s emotions is an important indicator of mental well-being.
     'Individuals who are problem gamblers for instance show more brain reactivity to immediate rewards, because they are typically more impulsive,' says Teper."

       Don Campbell is a writer with the University of Toronto Scarborough.

       Teper R, Inzlicht M. Mindful Acceptance Dampens Neuroaffective Reactions to External and Rewarding Performance Feedback. Emotion 2013; epub 2013/10/09.

     See also: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/11/eight-winds-agitate-inflame-heart-mind.html

Grounded, Groundlessness, & Soil in a Jar of Water

     As mindfulness stabilizes, the frequency & clarity of feeling a bit unsure, uneasy, out of control, scared, hungry, homeless, insecure, adrift - what Ezra Bayda brilliantly calls "the anxious quiver of being" - increases. Mindfulness allows us to perceive clearly the nature of human life. Each time we resist the reflexive urge to quickly block out this (accurate but unpleasant insight into the human condition) with treats eg "comfort food", other compensations, distractions, or (false) certainty / (illusion of) control, and instead accept & physically be with & process the physical feel of groundless, as we progressively detach from the gravitational pull of the material world. No, we don't float away, just see ourselves, others, & the rest of reality more clearly - and more kindly!
     Are the soil particles drifting down in the water - or - is the water drifing up, leaving the soil particles below?
     What grounding remains is from empathic connection with our fellow suffering living beings.

     For the Jar of Soil & Water Metaphors see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/09/398.html
and
http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/09/399-letting-go-of-soil-jar-of-soil.html
and
http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/09/400-do-i-have-choice-jar-of-soil-water.html

 

The Never Ending Yarn by Kath Kornelsen Rutherford   http://www.fogforestgallery.ca/bios/bio_kornelsen.html

Unconditional Love - Needing, Recognizing, Radiating

     It seems that our true core nature is unconditional love - we feel completely at home when we radiate unconditional love. We seem to need nothing more than being just that. 
     Most of us, most of the time, are not aware of who / what we are - so much so, that we crave that which we already are: unconditional love. We fervently search for "love in all the wrong places": money, sex, power, fame, prestige, respect, ritual, dogma, cults, drugs, gambling, gangs ... 
     Our heart-mind gradually awakens to reality, gradually lets go of childish - yet very sticky - things, and finds the joy of coming home (never really having left) to simply being unconditional love.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/321-fear-of-change-loss-of-security.html
     and: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/03/vow-to-keep-your-heart-open-no-matter.html

RP McMurphy   www.dpreview.com