Love and Presence

    In this follow-up to last week's introduction to Presence, Eckhart Tolle discusses the critical role of Presence in our relationships:

    “What is the connection between love and Presence? That’s an interesting question. Of course, first of all, we need to look at love and what that is. Love is usually interpreted as being an emotion. And in a conventional sense, love is when you feel a strong attachment to a person, for example another human being that you fall in love with. And that is a very strong emotion, a clinging emotion. There’s nothing wrong with it.
    But when you look at it more closely, you will find, and you may already have discovered that in your own life how quickly that emotion, that love, can actually turn into its opposite, and suddenly turn into hate. In relationships, how quickly the honeymoon, one, two, four years later, there’s the most intense hatred between the same human beings, who had not long before professed eternal love and thought this person is definitely the person who is going to make me happy. So there’s an emotional thing that’s called love that usually does not last that long and can easily turn into its opposite. 

    There’s also something deeper in human beings. There’s something deeper than an emotion, a certain state of being. And that deeper thing, where you recognize something in the other that is not separate from who you are, something that deeply connects you to the other, that is something different.
    How can you love another human being in a way that is deeper than the transient emotion of love? The only way that the deeper state of love can arise, is by being in that state of consciousness that we call Presence. When you are Present with another human being, then you’re not trapped in the judgments of your mind. You’re not imposing labels on that person. You’re able to look at a person in that space of clear Presence when look at a person, and at the same time feel or sense the Presence that you are, which ultimately is the Presence of Consciousness. And at that moment, you look deeply into that person, and you can sense the same Consciousness that gives you life, in the other person. Regardless of the personality of that person which is the conditioning, regardless of the conditioning of their minds, you can sense something in them, that is One with who you are. So you’re only able to do that when you are Present.

    When you are not Present, you’re identified with your mind, and then all you have are concepts about the other person, or emotions, emotional needs and so on, projected onto the other person. 

     Ultimately, true love, beyond emotion, is the recognition of yourself in the other. So ultimately, you recognize the other, essentially as yourself. Not the personality, but the essence of the other as your Self.
    Somebody already talked about that 2,000 years ago, but it was misunderstood. When you are Present, you love the other as yourself. It does not mean you love the other person as much as yourself. It means you love the other person because you recognize the essence of who you are, in the other. Then you love your neighbor as yourself, to quote from what Jesus said. So that does not require you, necessarily, to be in a so-called relationship with that person. You can encounter a person casually in a restaurant, in an elevator, or buying something. And there can be a moment where you connect with another human being and you sense that essential space of Presence between you. You can sense that this Consciousness that is you, is ultimately also the Consciousness that is the essence of the other person, no matter what their personality manifests at that moment. And that’s a deeply satisfying thing actually to feel the Oneness with the other. So whether or not you are in a relationship with that person, doesn’t really matter. Actually it means that you could have that love emanating from you whenever there is an encounter with another human being. And that is true love. 

    Now when you have a relationship with another person, then it is likely that the emotional love is also present. So in addition to that deeper love, which is the recognition of the other as yourself, you will also have the emotional attachment. But as you start living with the person, you notice that the emotional attachment continues to be there, but is not as important as before. The deeper recognition of the other as yourself, really becomes the foundation for your relationship. And that is spiritual.
    So in any relationship, if the relationship is to last & be satisfying, then you need to actually become Present in that relationship. This means get out of the judgments of your mind and the conditioning of your mind, become Present in the relationship. Becoming Present with the other person for example, is being able to interact and look at the other human being, without any kind of mental labeling, just in this clear space of Presence of Awareness. Then this true love arises. And that means the spiritual dimension becomes the foundation for that relationship where you transcend. Something arises that transcends both your personalities.
    The personalities still operate. There may occasionally still be disagreements and so on, on the purely human level, but something else is present in the relationship that transcends all that. And that can only arise through being Present. So Presence is actually a prerequisite for a deep relationship and a deeply satisfying relationship with another human being.
    And until that happens, relationships are very frustrating. And as you might have noticed, for many people, one of their main sources of suffering are their relationships. The very thing that they look to for fulfillment and happiness, so often turns into their main source of suffering. And that is sad. It doesn’t have to be like that. But for it not to be like that, you need to learn to be Present.”
    Eckhart Tolle Video #2 – Love and Presence https://teachings.eckharttolle.com/love-and-presence-power-of-presence-2021/

"To be enlightened is to be intimate with all things." Zen Master Dogen 

Love + Presence = Intimacy, Oneness, Co-creation

As we learn to fully inhabit the just now, the just this, over & over again,
until it becomes effortless, we begin to sense that
all of this is somehow just emanating out of us.
Millisecond by millisecond, thrillingly, lovingly,
we are dreaming everything into being.
Our universe appearing & disappearing -
'refreshing' - every fraction of a second,
is the subtle tingly sensation, Ezra Bayda's 'anxious quiver of being,'
we feel throughout our body
whenever we simply relax & stop to notice.
Recognizing this central creative role is
vibrantly energizing & empowering.

We recognize how fleeting life is (anicca), how up & down it is (dukkha), and
how radically our body of flesh (anatta) differs from our authentic Self.

“Wisdom tells me I am nothing.
Love tells me I am everything.
And between the two my life flows.”
Nisargadatta Maharaj

   The ancient traditional greeting, "Namaste" encapsulates much of the above : http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=Namaste

 Namaste

In Stormy Times, Remember ...

“When you become uncomfortable or frightened, remember that difficult emotions are your most profound teachers.” Ruth King

“Doing tasks fully and thoroughly can help ground us while also providing a sense of accomplishment and, by extension, an enhanced sense of agency.” Christopher Ives

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” Lao Tzu

"We lie in the lap of immense intelligence,
which makes us receivers of its truth
and organs of its activities." R.W. Emerson

“When water is still it is like a mirror…
And if water thus derives lucidity from stillness
how much more the faculties of mind?
The mind of the sage in repose
becomes the mirror
of the universe." Chuang Tzu

“Kindness and compassion is the fundamental truth.” The Dalai Lama

Light the World... by Mollycules www.BuddhaDoodles.com

Too Beautiful to Die?

“Don’t prioritise your looks my friend, as they won’t last the journey.
Your sense of humour though, will only get better with age.
Your intuition will grow and expand like a majestic cloak of wisdom.
Your ability to choose your battles, will be fine-tuned to perfection.
Your capacity for stillness, for living in the moment, will blossom.
Your desire to live each and every moment will transcend all other wants.
Your instinct for knowing what (and who) is worth your time,
will grow and flourish like ivy on a castle wall.
Don’t prioritise your looks my friend,
they will change forevermore,
that pursuit is one of much sadness and disappointment.
Prioritise the uniqueness that make you you, and the invisible magnet that draws in other like-minded souls to dance in your orbit.
These are the things which will only get better."                         Judi Dench

    "The Buddha taught that all phenomena, including thoughts, emotions, & experiences, are marked by three characteristics: impermanence (anicca), suffering or dissatisfaction (dukkha), and not-self (anatta). These three marks apply to all conditioned things—that is, everything except for nirvana. According to the Buddha, fully understanding & appreciating the three marks of existence is essential to realizing enlightenment.
    Everything changes, the Buddha taught. This may seem obvious, but much of the time we relate to things as if their existence were permanent. So when we lose things we think we can’t live without or receive bad news we think will ruin our lives, we experience a great deal of stress. Nothing is permanent, including our lives.
    Dukkha, suffering or dissatisfaction, is among the most misunderstood ideas in Buddhism. Life is dukkha, the Buddha said, but he didn’t mean that it is all unhappiness & disappointment. Rather, he meant that ultimately it cannot satisfy. Even when things do satisfy ― a pleasant time with friends, a wonderful meal, a new car ― the satisfaction doesn’t last because all things are impermanent.
    Anatta—not-self, non-essentiality, or egolessness—is even more difficult to grasp. The Buddha taught that there is no unchanging, permanently existing self that inhabits our bodies. In other words, we do not have a fixed, absolute identity. The experience of “I” continuing through life as a separate, singular being is an illusion, he said. What we call the “self” is a construct of physical, mental, & sensory processes that are interdependent & constantly in flux.
    It is the illusion of a separate, permanent self that chains us to suffering & dissatisfaction, the Buddha said. We put most of our energy into protecting the self, trying to gratify it & clinging to impermanent things we think will enhance it. But belief in a separate, permanent self leads to the craving that, according to the four noble truths, is the source of our suffering.
    The Buddha’s teachings, especially the practice of the eightfold path, provide the medicine to cure our illusions, so that we become less self-centered & less attached to impermanent things. As we investigate the truth of the three marks of existence, we develop factors of enlightenment such as equanimity—the ability not to be jerked around by our likes & dislikes — and serenity." https://tricycle.org/beginners/buddhism/the-buddhas-three-marks-of-existence/ 

    Nirvana (above) - which alone is NOT characterized by impermanence, unsatisfactoriness & not-self - is the awakened state or enlightenment.
    The Buddha was a human being who around 500BCE felt the urgent need to end his own & humanity's existential suffering, found the cure for it, and over a 50-year period, taught thousands of others to reach his level of awakening from suffering. His teachings are universal - for everyone, so there are even Catholic nuns & Jewish Rabbis who at the same time are highly accomplished practitioners of Buddhism, especially Zen.
    Below are glimpses of awakening - experiences of a higher dimension than conditioned phenomena, our usual frame of reference, so words are inadequate:

    "To be enlightened is to be intimate with all things." Zen Master Dogen

    "Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes. 

If only they could all see themselves as they really are. 

If only we could see each other that way all the time. 

There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, 

no more greed… I suppose the big problem would be that 

we would fall down and worship each other....

There is no way of telling people that they are 

all walking around shining like the sun...."                                 Thomas Merton

 
    "If we could really, really, really see right now, all that we really, really, really are, we’d see the infinite mystery of God pouring itself out and giving itself away as the intimate immediacy of all that we really are. That vivid state, in the fullness of that state, would be the unitive mystical experience. And then we can learn to be habituated in that state and translate it into love for other people." Jim Finley Interview https://batgap.com/james-finley/

 

     “We are here to find that dimension within ourselves that is deeper than thought.” Eckhart Tolle 

 

    “Carl Jung said, ‘How can we claim the years have taught us anything, if we’ve not learned to sit & listen to the secret that whispers in the brooks?’ 

    So if I look at a fire, for example, with ego-consciousness, I see a fire. But if I gaze into the flames, in that contemplative gazing at the flames, I sense in the flames the intimations of the holiness and the mystery manifesting itself as this flame. 

    That’s why I think when we try to talk about it, we’re trying to grab it in words. But if we sit in meditative silence infused with love, the state of wonder, we intimately taste directly for ourselves for which no words can be found. That’s why we long for the experience to which our words are aluding to, and how to stabilize in it, and how to share it with people.”  Jim Finley EXCEPTIONAL Interview https://batgap.com/james-finley/

“You know you have loved someone
when you have glimpsed in them
that which is too beautiful to die.”                                      Gabriel Marcel

 

by Mollycules www.BuddhaDoodles.com

 

Control? Separateness?

     Every once in a while, "the shit hits the fan." We are now in such a time (logic behind toilet-paper hoarding?).
     But when things are "normal" aren't we deluding ourselves, sleepwalking through life?

     "Don't hope for a life without problems.
      An easy life results in a judgmental and lazy mind." Kyong Ho

    The only thing we can directly control is our attitude. But because we mistakenly believe that external circumstances completely determine how we feel, we invest almost all of our time & energy struggling to control external circumstances & other uncontrollables: constant change, aging, sickness & death. This is an "illusion of control."
     Related to this compulsion, we spend our lives convinced that each of us is a separate, solid 'thing' - a 'self' independent from & usually in a competitive / adversarial relationship with other people, animals, a harsh uncaring environment, life itself. Loneliness & isolation is becoming an increasingly common, serious psycho-social / medical problem. This is the "myth of separation" - the sense of a contracted, separate self. Einstein long ago felt that the most important question a human being needs to answer is: "Is the universe a friendly place or not?" And if we deeply believe that the universe is unfriendly, peace of mind is rarely possible. Joan Borysenko. “Fire in the Soul. A New Psychology of Spiritual Optimism.” Warner Books, 1993.

     But our deeper intelligence tells us that, we're profoundly interconnected & interdependent with everyone & everything - AND - science shows that we're only truly happy while intimately engaged with whoever / whatever we're dealing with in each successive present-moment. Killingsworth MA, Gilbert DT. “A Wandering Mind is an Unhappy Mind.” Science 2010; 330(6006): 932.

     We are very slowly, very gradually evolving beyond, growing up from fear-driven autopilot reactivity ("fight / flight / freeze" - our frightened child mode) and embodying mature balanced kind behavior appropriate to our long-term common good ("tend & befriend" - our wise grandparent mode). The individual / collective contracted ego rigidly insists on remaining isolated & unchanged, trying desperately to retain a sense (illusion) of personal / group control to prevent dreaded chaos. But our deeper intelligence ("heart" / "gut") draws us to expand into, reconnect with a far deeper, more expansive, meaningful life.
 
     From a recent Scientific American article:
     "People who believe that everything is fundamentally one differ in crucial ways from those who do not. In general, those who hold a belief in oneness have a more inclusive identity that reflects their sense of connection with other people, nonhuman animals, and aspects of nature that are all thought to be part of the same 'one thing.' This has some rather broad implications.
     First, this finding is relevant to our current fractured political landscape. It is very interesting that those who reported a greater belief in oneness were also more likely to regard other people like members of their own group and to identify with all of humanity. There is an abundance of identity politics these days, with people believing that their own ideology is the best one, and a belief that those who disagree with one's own ideology are evil or somehow less than human.
     It might be beneficial for people all across the political spectrum to recognize and hold in mind a belief in oneness even as they are asserting their values and political beliefs. Only having 'compassion' for those who are in your in-group, and vilifying or even becoming violent toward those who you perceive as the out-group, is not only antithetical to world peace more broadly, but is also counter-productive to political progress that advances the greater good of all humans on this planet.
     I also think these findings have important implications for education. Even if some adults may be hopeless when it comes to changing their beliefs, most children are not. Other beliefs - such as a belief that intelligence can learn and grow ('growth mindset') - are extraordinarily popular in education these days. However, I wonder what the implications would be if all students were also explicitly trained to believe that we are all part of the same fundamental humanity, actively showing students through group discussions and activities how we all have insecurities and imperfections, and how underneath the superficial differences in opinions and political beliefs, we all have the same fundamental needs for connection, purpose, and to matter in this vast universe.
     Perhaps now, more than ever in the course of human history, we would benefit more from a oneness mindset."
       Scott Barry Kaufman. "What Would Happen If Everyone Truly Believed Everything Is One?"
Scientific American, October 8, 2018 https://getpocket.com/explore/item/what-would-happen-if-everyone-truly-believed-everything-is-one?utm_source=pocket-newtab

“If a living system is suffering from ill health,
the remedy is to connect it with more of itself.”

Francisco Varela

"When we seek for connection
we restore the world to wholeness.
Our seemingly separate lives become meaningful
as we discover how truly necessary we are to each other."

Margaret Wheatley

Three Stages of the Meditative Journey

#1     

     “Most beginners start with the idea that meditation is supposed to be peaceful. If they feel peaceful, they conclude that they are doing things right. Soon enough a disturbing thought or emotion erupts, and this is identified as a problem. We do not like disturbances. We start off with this dualistic preference. We want smooth ocean waters with no waves. When the waves come, we say we cannot meditate; or we assume that the presence of the waves means we are not meditating correctly. But the waves keep coming anyway, always. It is how we perceive them that changes. We can relate to these waves as threatening monsters and try to push them away. We can apply certain mental techniques to subdue them; or we can pretend not to notice them or try to deny their presence. But there is no liberation in trying to get rid of the waves; and actually, if you examine the mind that is trying to get rid of the waves, you will discover that it’s stuck on the problem. It is making a mountain out of a molehill. We can also tell ourselves intellectually, These waves are essentially empty. We can play with the ideas and concepts of emptiness and use intellectual logic to convince ourselves that the wave is not really a monster. But our hearts still feel the threat, and react to protect ourselves from it. This describes the first stage of working with the mind.

#2

     In the next stage, we are introduced to resting the mind in the spacious, nonconceptual aspect of mind that transcends the limited self. The waves might still be terrifying, but we begin to glimpse the boundless expanse of water beneath the surface, and this gives us more confidence to let them be. We do not yet see them as just waves, but our perspective has become so much bigger than the waves. Our personal stories of fear and loss, of rejection and self-recrimination are there – but they do not pervade every bit of space in our heads. Our fixed minds have loosened up a little; and once we recognize that our own version of reality exists within a vast impersonal experience of reality, these same stories do not disturb us as much. We might begin to think, Oh there’s a wave forming on the surface of my mind. Or, There’s a monster in my head. Okay, no problem. We can acknowledge the problem without reacting to it. We see it, but we do not feel it as much as we did earlier. The understanding of emptiness is dropping from the intellectual head to the experiential, feeling heart. The ratio is shifting: The more we rest in recognition of the spacious empty mind, and the more we embody the wisdom of emptiness, the less impact the disturbances have. The wave is there, but now it is just a tiny movement in the vastness of the ocean. But at this point, we still get stuck on the surface with the waves, and lose touch with the ocean beneath.

#3

     In the third stage, the wave no longer appears as a problem. It’s still a wave – big or small – but we don’t get stuck in it. We have become comfortable resting within the ocean itself.
     The ocean does not become calm and still. That is not the nature of the ocean. But now we have become so familiar with the full expanse of the ocean that even the biggest waves no longer bother us. This is how we can now experience our thoughts and emotions – even those we have spent our lives trying to be free of. Every movement of the mind, and every emotional reaction, is still just a small wave on the vast surface of the awakened mind.
     Although the mind is always free, it remains imprisoned in constraints of its own making. Concentrating on a sense object can protect the mind from feeling overpowered by the waves. For example, focusing the mind on a flower, or on watching the smoke from a stick of incense, can protect the mind from obsessing on marital discord, or on a business scheme. This type of focus may provide temporary relief. Still, it does not allow us to experience freedom. When we connect to our own awareness, then we can accommodate whatever arises: the big waves of loved ones dying and relationships ending, and the ripples of crashed computers and delayed flights. No wave stays the same shape: all crests fall. Let it be. Let it pass. Become bigger than the thought, bigger than the emotion. Everything is always in flux; by letting it be we simply allow for inherent movement. We can notice preference and desire, but chasing after them blocks the flow of change. Awareness contains impermanence, not the other way around. But they have this in common: Our liberation comes from recognition.
     Let it be makes it possible to see that our true nature is free from problems, distress, and suffering – and that it always has been. When we stop trying to make the surface calm – and accept that the very nature of ocean is change – we begin to experience this inner freedom.
     But this is not freedom from distress and anxiety. It is freedom that can be experienced with stress and anxiety. We are liberated from suffering by correctly perceiving reality; this means that we have the insight and experience to know that our minds are so much vaster than we generally think they are. We are not the size and shape of our worries. To recognize reality as-it-is makes recognition and liberation simultaneous." 
       Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, Helen Tworkov. “In Love with the World. A Monk’s Journey through the Bardos of Living and Dying.” Spiegel & Grau, 2019. A well-written, practical book for serious meditators.

A Couple of Insights

     As I was starting to make homemade granola a few hours ago, some very old thoughts / heavy feelings (feel physically heavy; and like gloom & doom emotionally) spontaneously returned. I've wrestled with these old aches on & off since early childhood, mercifully less & less over the past decade or two. 
     This time, however, I (finally) had the insight that these 'objects' of mind are 'empty' - not even close to being solid as I had always felt, but completely dependent on many causes & conditions, the most important of which was my focusing attention on them and thus magnifying, & (almost) solidifying them! When something like a sad (or anxious, angry, etc) thought is enlarged & (almost) turned into a solid unmovable mountain, there's no room left for anything else in our consciousness.
     But when we experience thoughts & emotions as empty, we recognize their true transient, ephemeral nature, so they take up no space at all, and can't weigh us down. The spaciousness we now enjoy allows relief, perspective, freedom, choice, wise decisions, peace & joy!
     The legendary meditation teacher, Ajahn Chah used to say to his students on retreat: "Are you suffering? Good!!" The classical follow-up question is: "Who is suffering?" 
     My second insight was that I am not a solid, unchangeable lump of meat, permanently damaged by life's circumstances. My 'self' also is empty. It takes study and meditative insight to really get this - a superb book on the subject: Guy Armstrong. “Emptiness. A Practical Guide for Meditators.” Wisdom Publications, 2017. But the insight of 'not-self' (anatta) really is a huge, welcome relief. 
     See also: http://www.johnlovas.com/2019/10/spacious-freedom-from-difficult-emotions.html
     To delve a bit deeper into 'emptiness': http://www.johnlovas.com/2019/10/spacious-possibilities-overflowing.html
 
     Most of us have a fair bit of 'baggage,' and the future holds "10,000 joys AND 10,000 sorrows" for all of us, AND YET most of our suffering is preventable.

What IS This? - a poem

Each cherished person, creature & possession
crashes
fragments
disappears

Only chaos
devastation, loss?

But awakened ones 
clearly see
'this cup is already broken'

When we awaken
will we experience the magic of unformed unity 
with joyful, childlike curiosity
morphing into infinite numbers & varieties
of observable mysteries?

And will we also experience 
every single mystery
bursting asunder
as it reverts back 
into vast, silent, majestic, pregnant emptiness
always & already
AND never ever
broken?

Meditation, Thoughts & Emotions

     After years of serious meditation practice, many of us expect to reach a stable state of equanimity, if not pure bliss. When this doesn't happen, we wonder if we've messed up somehow.
     Thoughts, emotions & body sensations will always continue to change (anicca), and will continue, at times, to be unpleasant (dukkha). However, self-inquiry & meditative experience tells us that these things are not who / what we are (anatta). 
     It takes a LOT of wise, continuous practice - on AND off the cushion - to let go of being so thoroughly identified with our thoughts (self-referential internal narrative), emotions & body, and start to hold ourselves much more lightly.
     A few Buddhist perspectives on this common dilemma:

     “The meditator’s path is not about trying to become perfect. It is a path that leads to inner freedom. I have found meditators to be some of the most idealistic people in the world. It makes sense that we would be; after all, we are aiming for the highest happiness. But when idealism is self-centered – as in ‘I’ have to be perfect – it is debilitating and exhausting, certainly for ourselves but also for those around us upon whom we are projecting our need for perfection. As the Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki reminds us, practice is making one mistake after another. 
     … Aiming for perfection can be seductive and compelling. Given that the society in which we live supports the idea that perfection is attainable, it can feel like our own personal fault if we are not.” 
       Narayan Helen Liebenson. “The Magnanimous Heart. Compassion and Love, Loss and Grief, Joy and Liberation.” Wisdom Publications, 2018.

     When practitioners complain about suffering, Zen teachers would ask them: "WHO is suffering?" The intention is to nudge the practitioner toward the direct experience of not being able to find any trace of a solid, fixed, unchanging "I". 
     If we ask ourselves this question, we immediately leave the victim role, and assume an observer role, which is MUCH more spacious, free & clear.
 
     “The fundamental change, the turning of the page from illusion to clarity and understanding in my process of nondual awakening, occurred after many, many hours of self-inquiry and yoga while working with ‘I am not this body’ and ‘Am I this body?’ …” 
       Gary Weber. “Evolving Beyond Thought. Updating Your Brain’s Software.” CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2017.

     For a deeper insight into this essential topic: 
• Guy Armstrong. “Emptiness. A Practical Guide for Meditators.” Wisdom Publications, 2017. 
• Buddhadasa Bhikkhu. “Heartwood of the Bodhi Tree. The Buddha’s Teachings on Voidness.” Wisdom Publications, 1994.

Morning meditation

Why Cling to Bubbles in a Stream?

     It's very common, especially in our youth, not to acknowledge our limited & uncertain lifespan, and instead pretend we all live forever. Then, as acquaintances, friends & loved ones become ill & die, each one is a shock - as if death were a huge, tragic mistake, a grossly unnatural surprise. But the Buddha advised:

Thus shall you think of this fleeting world:
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream,
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.          Buddha, Diamond Sutra

     The Buddha also advised regularly reciting and contemplating "The Five Recollections":

I am of the nature to age.
Aging is unavoidable.

I am of the nature to get ill.
Illness is unavoidable.

I am of the nature to die.
Death is unavoidable.

All that is dear to me and everyone I love
are of the nature to change.
There is no way to escape being separated from them.

My actions are my only true belongings.
I cannot avoid the consequences of my actions.
My actions are the ground on which I stand.

     "Contemplating these recollections encourages us to awaken from denial and avoidance. The recollections offer a pathway of nonattachment and equanimity and a deeper, more sustained appreciation of this moment, now. A lightness of being emerges when we face what is undeniably so. If we take these recollections up as a practice, we are deliberately calling these realities forth instead of simply being at their mercy, overwhelmed by the thoughts and emotions they activate. 
     ... it is not a fault to get sick and to age. We are not separate from nature.
     All sentient beings, without exception, are subject to these natural laws. This body is not ultimately in our control. This body belongs to nature. Even this mind isn't in our control. We cannot choose what arises. This mind belongs to nature. What happens when a deeper understanding of how little control we really do have leads to a diminishing or dropping out of the sense of self? Old age, sickness, and death are not dukkha {stressful / unsatisfactory / suffering} if they are not clung to as I or me or mine. When we see clearly that illness and death are not I, me, or mine, the dukkha that they ordinarily cause may lessen a great deal or even cease altogether."

       Narayan Helen Liebenson. “The Magnanimous Heart. Compassion and Love, Loss and Grief, Joy and Liberation.” Wisdom Publications, 2018.

 

Jetty - photo by P. Michael Lovas