Curing Power of Kind Attention and Awareness

     The more we practice meditation, the more we recognize the effects of traumas we've sustained over a lifetime. Reading a book like Van Der Kolk's “The Body Keeps the Score. Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” may be a revelation to some of us in this regard. Some of us would clearly benefit from psychotherapy, and all of us would benefit from remarkably wise tools for healing found in meditative practices. 
     Adyashanti teaches an advanced practice he calls "conjoining the opposites." A more easily approachable practice is to hold difficult emotions, as they arise, within the heart area. This is instead of usual tendencies: acting out and or intellectually fighting difficult emotions. Holding the physical manifestations of these emotions in the heart area to me is quite similar to dealing with "open questions." In both cases, we let all of our intelligences slowly, without time limits, work away on big, complex issues, that our (modest) intellect alone is ill-equipped to handle.
     Below is, IMHO, a clear, helpful excerpt from a superb book:

     “It is not easy to maintain mindfulness when our primary defenses are activated. These defenses are forged in reaction to intense feelings, felt from conception through our preverbal years. Our psychological defenses are not ‘bad,’ they are simply strategies we learned that helped us survive as tiny babies. Neither are they necessarily there because of a lack of care. Just our vulnerability or waiting to be fed as babies can evoke powerful feelings of abandonment, fear, and longing. These feelings overwhelm a tiny baby and infant. In response, our defenses were built to protect us from these feelings. However, as we grow up our defenses become imprisoning. They split us away from our innate energy, and we become locked in dysfunctional patterns and end up limping through life rather than having access to the fullness of our energy.
      The desire for nonexistence or annihilation (vibhava-tanha), which manifests as psychological desolation, despair, depression, and self aversion, is a common primary defense. As we bring mindfulness to this dynamic, behind the sophisticated ways we deny and dissociate, we will encounter unsettling feelings. We will find ourselves faced with our ‘shadow,’ a term Carl Jung coined to refer to powerful emotions and beliefs held in the unconscious that influence our life. Behind our ‘shut down’ can be fear, rage, or a fog of confusion. At times when these become triggered, we need to take a lot of care. When touching deep areas of primary feeling, behind our defenses, we need to take space, have kindness, and be patient.
     Instead of crashing out, we can be mindful, one breath at a time. Gradually this becomes a strong container to help us withstand our deepest pains without defaulting to self-harming or acting out. This container is strengthened through moments of kind attention and awareness to the feeling tones that are present. When these factors are in place, then as painful feelings emerge, like despair, or the wish to annihilate ourselves in some addictive pattern, we will know an opportunity has offered itself.
     As our capacity for awareness strengthens it is possible to tolerate the deeper wounds within the psyche. Often these are disguised beneath the restless momentum of desire and our attempts to fulfill its demands.”


       Kittisaro & Thanissara. "Listening to the Heart. A Contemplative Journey to Engaged Buddhism." North Atlantic Books, 2014.

with kind permission from: www.buddhadoodles.com

What do You Need? Do You Know?

     Mahatma Gandhi said that "The true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members.”
     How do we treat our "Inner Child” - our own despair, fear & desperation personified?


     “It’s a simple question, really. But one that often brings on a state of perplexed astonishment when someone asks us.
     ‘What do you need?’
      Unless we are a sobbing child, rushing to his mother after some sort of sibling transgression, or we are urgently and frantically searching for the restroom in an unfamiliar restaurant, we may have an unusually hard time answering that question.
     In a moment of suffering, sorrow, despair or betrayal, can we actually answer the very deep and important question of ‘What do I need? Right now, in this moment.’
     What we often needed as children when we were distressed was to be comforted, reassured that we were still loved and cared for, and soothed by the gentle unconditional touch of a loving parent. We needed someone to kiss our ‘booboo’ when we stumbled and fell. Or to be consoled by a loving embrace when we were excluded from a game of hide-and-seek.
     But for many of us, our distress was met by something else, or as we grew older we had difficult or traumatic experiences that disconnected us from our deep need to be loved, accepted and appreciated. For whatever the reason, we have found ourselves removed from a sense of what we really need when we suffer; much of the time, we may not even be aware when we DO suffer. We overlook our fears of being disconnected, unloved or, ironically, overlooked – often by tending to the needs of others instead.  
     Many of us are quite adept at caring for the needs of those around us. We channel our inner desires to be cared for by caring for others – and when done with a true connection to one’s own heart, this can be a beautiful thing. We often instinctively know just exactly what others need. Our mirror neurons fire wildly when we contact another person’s pain and difficulty, and through that resonance with another person, we are miraculously able to muster up just the right expression of comfort, the perfect words and the much-appreciated offer of kindness or consolation.  
     But what of the darker moments of our own despair, fear or desperation? What do we need in those moments for ourselves, because this matters, too? We often struggle to answer that question, and as a result, further suffering arises as we resort to less helpful and more destructive ways of meeting that deep inner need to be loved and connected. We even criticize ourselves for having this need, telling ourselves that if we just tried harder, got things right more often (or better yet, if we were perfect), or removed ourselves from contact with others, THEN we would feel OK.  
     And so it is that a growing number of people find themselves in the Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) course developed by leading self-compassion researcher, Kristin Neff PhD, and noted author and expert on compassion and mindfulness in psychotherapy, Christopher Germer PhD.  
     MSC could be considered an ‘antidote’ to the shame and self-criticism that many of us bear, and which cripples many of us with self-doubt, fear and self-loathing. By systematically cultivating the ability to be kind and loving to ourselves, especially in those moments of suffering that arise when we feel disconnected, lost, alienated or dismissed, MSC slowly helps restore in each of us our natural capacity to be kind, loving and compassionate to ourselves in the way that we do so effortlessly for others.  
     One of the first questions that participants ponder in MSC is the curious one of ‘How would you treat a friend when they are struggling, when they fail or feel inadequate?’ Typically, the responses flow quickly and fluidly. And then, when the question turns to how we treat ourselves in those very same situations, the responses are often in stark contrast. Many find that their inner critic is harsh, demanding, dismissive and belittling (often echoing the voices of people from the past who have treated them in this way). When they notice how it feels to be spoken to in this way, it can be a revelation. Some participants exclaim, ‘I would NEVER talk to someone else like this!’  
     In fact, this phenomenon is more widespread than one might think. Dove recently dramatized this in a YouTube video where they asked women to write down the things they say to themselves about their appearance. They then set up public conversations between two women in cafes and restaurants where one woman said those same things out loud to her companion. Strangers nearby were horrified and, in some cases, actually interrupted the two actors to comment on how terrible it was that one person would speak to another in such a way!  
     The MSC program sets about to help participants begin to ‘warm up the inner conversation’ and to cultivate a loving, tender, accepting attitude toward oneself that motivates us out of a desire to be happy and free from suffering, rather than out of perfectionism, fruitless striving, fear and shame. Early research on the program is promising, and the huge existing body of research done by Kristin Neff and others already demonstrates a strong association between self-compassion and a variety of measures of wellbeing and good mental health, as well as the ability to make changes in unhealthy behavior, persist in the face of adversity, and to be perceived more positively in intimate relationships, just to name a few.  
     If you find it difficult to answer the fundamental question of Mindful Self-Compassion – ‘What do you need?’ – when you are feeling overwhelmed, afraid, sad or fearful, you might benefit from a greater ability to bring kindness to yourself and soothe yourself in these moments, as well as in your daily stressful life. Consider taking the Mindful Self-Compassion course to discover your compassionate inner voice and to find a way to meet yourself in the way in which you tend to meet others, reversing the Golden Rule and doing unto yourself what you would do (and say) to others!”

      Steven Hickman. “Answering the Fundamental Question of Mindful Self-Compassion.”

      http://www.mindfulnessinstitute.ca/blog/2015/7/19/answering-the-fundamental-question-of-mindful-self-compassion-steven-hickman-psyd

Photo by P. Michael Lovas

Education for the Heart-Mind

     Effective physicians know how to genuinely connect with their patients on a human-to-human level. How much the physician genuinely cares for the patient's well-being is clearly felt by the patient. This therapeutic alliance in turn positively affects the patient's hope & expectancy.
     Educators have a very similar high calling. Educators have a great influence - positive or negative - on their students.
     We all must take the influence we have on each other very, very seriously.

First Day of School   by   Sheree Fitch

Here, take my child.
He has a fistful of crayons,
Is ready to begin
To enter the halls that smell of chalk dust and lemon oil.
He wants to colour a picture.
Help him to see that the colour he chooses,
The pictures he makes, are beautiful…..
Before you ask him to paint the Sistine Chapel.
Here, take my child.
She knows one and one makes two.
I want her to learn to add,
Without being subtracted from.
I want her to multiply her abilities,
But not if it divides her against herself.
Here, take my child.
He has a book he wants to read.
Let him read it first,
Tell you why he likes it,
Before you ask him to read a book
You think he should read…..
To be up to “the level”.
Here, take my child.
She has written a poem:
“dandy lions are golden buttons in the grass”
Smell those dandelions, see the image,
Before you tell her dandelions are weeds or
Dandelions is not spelled correctly.
Here, take my child
but... TAKE CARE.

http://www.shereefitch.com/blog/2015/9/8/first-day-of-school-poem.html

Meditation - Jack Kornfield's Beautiful Summary

      “ ‘Taking the one seat in the center of the world’ Ajahn Chah said, ‘and not getting up.’ Letting the joys, and sorrows, and praise, and blame, and fear, and love, and all of the stuff of life show itself. And you sit with your eyes open and your heart open, and say ‘I will sit like the Buddha on this seat, and find the space of freedom, or love, or understanding in the midst of it all.’ ”

        Jack Kornfield. “Awakening is Real. A Guide to the Deeper Dimensions of the Inner Journey.” Sounds True (Podcast #1 The Sacred Journey), 2012. 

Heart-Mind

     “When we believe our thoughts, we obstruct the heart’s message of oneness. The mind blocks the heart through the words of separation.”

       Smith R. "Stepping out of self-deception. The Buddha's liberating teaching of no-self." Shambhala, Boston, 2010.

When All Else Fails, Bear Hug Therapy

     "One afternoon, among the small group of people waiting outside the home where the Dalai Lama was staying, a visibly disturbed man shouted out to him. His Holiness walked toward him and patiently listened to the man rant about the pointlessness of living. The Dalai Lama then urged the man to think about the good things in his life, and the importance of his presence in the lives of his loved ones, as well as the good things he could do with his life by helping others. Nothing worked. So, finally, His Holiness stopped talking and gave the man a huge bear hug. The man sobbed loudly, then became calm and relaxed."

       From A Fearless Heart: How the Courage to Be Compassionate Can Transform Our Lives, by Thupten Jinpa. Reprinted with permission of Hudson Street Press in Tricycle, Summer, 2015. www.tricycle.com

one of Monet's poppies

Upside Down

     At some level, every single one of us knows what the mystics, sages and saints have embodied throughout the ages - that all of us, everything, is a manifestation of the great heart of perfect wisdom.

     But there's a mysterious divide between what we know, and what we pretend is true.
     Much of our life is lived in painful pretense - why? - we can choose to live authentically.

Loving-kindness Prayer

"May all beings be peaceful.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be safe.
May all beings awaken to the light of their true nature.
May all beings be free."

WisdomAtWork.com

Heart-Mind Porousness Meditation

     "Mindfully resting in the easy, natural flow of the breath, allow the stream of your experience to be filtered through the focal point of your heart center. If you like, you can gently touch your heart as you begin in a gesture of attuning yourself to allow the stream of ever changing experience to be clearly seen and deeply felt as it flows through the open heart. In this way, each moment and each mindful breath can cultivate and affirm the inseparability of clear presence, embracing the flow of experience, with great compassion."

       Joel & Michelle Levey - adapted from their new book: "Mindfulness, Meditation, and Mind Fitness" Conari Press, 2015.

Gretel and Bess

Keep Walking - Persevere!

"The distance you can lead other people
is the distance you have traveled yourself.
The distance you place between you and others,
is the distance waiting to be traveled
between your head
and your own heart."

Laroques des Alberes

WisdomAtWork.com

Bringing Enthusiasm, Energized Engagement - & WISDOM - back into Academia

“I’m struck by how suppressed the life energy of many students in my current undergraduate class seems to be. … I keep sensing something is somewhat missing: perhaps the ‘primordial confidence’ …

Students are not given much opportunity to attend to their inner lives, to explore their unfathomable riches, to plummet the depth, and to be nourished deeply by such engagements. Yet, it is only through such engagements that energetically charged awareness deepens and expands, connecting self with cosmos, and fully reconciling us with life and universe.

The self is unable to nourish itself with awareness and energy when its attention is continuously siphoned out: attention is needed to access awareness and embedded and embodied energy. The result of the continual drain of attention while knowledge is being accumulated is that we may be knowledgeable but are not intelligent, in the sense of being wise. Jiddu Krishnamurti also talks about our capacity to be aware as intelligence and points to the relationship between that and knowledge. He writes, ‘Intelligence uses knowledge. Intelligence is a state in which there are no personal [conditioned] emotions involved, no personal opinion, prejudice or inclination. Intelligence is the capacity for direct understanding’. For Krishnamurti, intelligence is not an intellectual realization or a constructed assimilation of thoughts and ideas, conventionally known as knowledge, but is a capacity to be aware, sensitive, and clear; is a capacity to love, to act, and to be present to transformation of life from moment to moment.

Similarly, David Geoffrey Smith distinguishes wisdom from knowledge, showing that the former requires, as its precondition, the ‘essential unity between thought and emotion,’ and points out that such unity requires the discipline of mindfulness or contemplation. (The Chinese character usually translated as ‘mind,’ ideographically shows this unity, and should be translated as ‘heart-mind.’) Smith further illuminates the aims of education in various Eastern wisdom traditions:
'In Taoism it involves finding ‘the stillpoint’; in Buddhism, returning to your ‘original face.’ The practice of Way – and here the key word is practice, as one never quite reaches the goal completely, finally – leads to an awareness of how the smallest details of life play into the largest consequences and effects, and that it is therefore highly important to maintain vigilance over the details of one’s conduct, because how we get to her, today, depends on what happened yesterday, or indeed the moment just passed.'


The greatest educational challenge today is not downloading more, better, sophisticated knowledge and skills into students but helping them to cultivate the unity of heart and mind (and let’s not forget the embodied nature of this cultivation) through the work of awareness, and bring this unity fully into all contexts of their personal, communal, academic, and professional lives. The challenge is to infuse knowledge with awareness or mindfulness of which love and sensitivity are a part, and the result is, in short, wisdom. Can our schools, from kindergarten to university, be institutions of wisdom?”       Bai H, Cohen A, Culham T, et al. “A Call for Wisdom in Higher Education. Contemplative Voices from the Dao-Field.” in:
       Gunnlaugson O, Sarath EW, Scott C. eds. “Contemplative Learning and Inquiry Across Disciplines.” State Univ of New York Press 2014.

 

rwstanley   www.dpreview.com

Awareness & Acceptance, then Love

     "How few understand what love really is, and how it arises in the human heart. It is so frequently equated with good feelings toward others, with benevolence or nonviolence or service. But these things in themselves are not love. Love springs from awareness. It is only inasmuch as you see someone as he or she really is here and now, and not as they are in your memory or your desire or in your imagination or projection that you can truly love them, otherwise it is not the person that you love but the idea that you have formed of this person, or this person as the object of your desire not as he or she is in themselves.
      The first act of love is to see this person or this object, this reality as it truly is. And this involves the enormous discipline of dropping your desires, your prejudices, your memories, your projections, your selective way of looking ... a discipline so great that most people would rather plunge headlong into good actions and service than submit to the burning fire of this asceticism. When you set out to serve someone whom you have not taken the trouble to see, are you meeting that person's need or your own?"                      Father Anthony de Mello

                                       www.wisdomatwork.com

 

jcolemang   www.dpreview.com

Agenda?

     When we wonder about a person or organization's "agenda", we're wondering about the self-serving motive that's hidden behind what they pretend is for our benefit.  Assuming that ulterior motives hide beneath apparent beneficent acts is increasingly common. To the extent that people lead "divided lives" ie their thoughts, speech & behavior are fear-driven, egocentric, in adversarial relationship with their own & society's beliefs, their deceitfulness will be proportionate. This includes "faking" honesty, professionalism, compassion, kindness, cleanliness, ... - "whatever sells."

     However, mindfulness practice is about transcending self-centeredness, and becoming fully engaged with a life of morality, integrity & wisdom ie being congruent - no ulterior motives. Mindfulness practice allows people of different or no religion to open to their personal depths, together in a safe space. The best in each of us is the same. If we see this & meet each other there, we can pull together for the common good - for each other - as mature, civilized adults.

     "... our agenda is for our intentions to be kind and compassionate, for our minds to be aware of what we are thinking, saying, and doing, and for our experience to tell us as best it can how to craft our life to reflect our intentions."

       Ingram DM. "Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha. An Unusually Hardcore Dharma Book." Aeon Books, London, 2008. 

 

Jelle Ziilstra   www.dpreview.com

Self-concern = Suffering

     “I have always found it quaint and rather touching that there is a movement [Libertarians] in the US that thinks Americans are not yet selfish enough.”           Christopher Hitchens

      "It happens completely on its own when a human being questions, wonders, listens, and looks without getting stuck in fear. When self-concern is quiet, in abeyance, heaven and earth are open."               Toni Packer 

 

canonvet70   www.dpreview.com

The Single Common Language - Rhythm of the Universe

     Isn't THAT what we're all after? Not that we're all, individually, at the same level of psychosocialspiritual development. But in our own humble personal way, as we all crawl, stumble, walk, fly & levitate majestically from the primordial swamp - are we not all evolving - in a massive timeless single will of the human heart-mind - one for all & all for one, towards full & complete enlightenment?

Night Watchman (Budapest), 2009 Tamas Dezso   http://www.kochgallery.com/artists/contemporary/Dezso/index.html

With Gratitude

timeless gatekeepers – one-or-two?

welcome us in

to their energy field

of red & gold

where

past-present-future

far away places

and places to dream of

are all at home

Steve McCurry   http://stevemccurry.com/

Letting Go of Words, Opening the Heart-Mind

     Close the language-door and
     open the love window. The moon
     won’t use the door, only the window.                  Rumi

Portia contemplating Noah; Noah contemplating grass

Unconditional Love - Needing, Recognizing, Radiating

     It seems that our true core nature is unconditional love - we feel completely at home when we radiate unconditional love. We seem to need nothing more than being just that. 
     Most of us, most of the time, are not aware of who / what we are - so much so, that we crave that which we already are: unconditional love. We fervently search for "love in all the wrong places": money, sex, power, fame, prestige, respect, ritual, dogma, cults, drugs, gambling, gangs ... 
     Our heart-mind gradually awakens to reality, gradually lets go of childish - yet very sticky - things, and finds the joy of coming home (never really having left) to simply being unconditional love.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/321-fear-of-change-loss-of-security.html
     and: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/03/vow-to-keep-your-heart-open-no-matter.html

RP McMurphy   www.dpreview.com

What is Love?

         “I would define love very simply: as a potent blend of openness and warmth, which allows us to make real contact, to take delight in and appreciate, and to be at one with – ourselves, others, and life itself. Openness – the heart’s pure, unconditional yes – is love’s essence. And warmth is love’s basic expression, arising as a natural extension of this yes – the desire to reach out and touch, connect with, and nourish what we love. If love’s openness is like the clear, cloudless sky, its warmth is like the sunlight streaming through the sky, emitting a rainbowlike spectrum of colors: passion, joy, contact, communication, kindness, caring, understanding, service, dedication, and devotion, to name just a few.

         According to the saints and mystics, love is the very fabric of what we are; we are fashioned out of its warmth and openness. We don’t have to be great sages to recognize this. All we need to do is take an honest look at what makes our life worthwhile. When the presence of love is alive and moving in us, there is no doubt that our life is on target and meaningful, regardless of our outer circumstances. We feel that we’re in touch, connected with something larger than our small self. This lifts the burden of isolation and alienation off our shoulders, filling us with peace and well-being. But when the presence of love is absent, something often feels sad, not quite right; something seems to be missing, and it’s hard to find much joy, even in the midst of favorable circumstances. We easily fall prey to meaninglessness, anxiety, or despair.

         These simple truths are also upheld by neuroscience research, which confirms that our connections with others affect the healthy development and functioning of the brain, the endocrine and immune systems, and our emotional balance. In short, love is the central force that holds our whole life together and allows it to function. …"

             John Welwood. "Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships. Healing the Wound of the Heart." Trumpeter, 2006.

Photo: Dana Reed   dpreview.com