“Each hunger has an associated fear. The desire for pleasure has as its handmaiden the fear of pain, the hunger for being seen is shadowed by the fear of invisibility, and the hunger for escape brings with it the fear of engagement and intimacy.
At the root of all these fears is a terror of emptiness, the concern that this self – personal or social – will die in a cold nothingness. This terror is usually kept beneath the surface of consciousness, recognized only by its surface manifestations: an avoidance of being alone, the fear of being criticized, a pulling back from close relationship.
In all three cases, the fading of a hunger means the fading of its associated fear, and the fading of a fear brings the fading of its associated hunger. This is because the hunger and the fear are two facets of the same thing.
And when the meditative mind sees the root fear and meets it with acceptance, it begins to diminish – and all the hungers dissolve with it. With such fading, relationships cease to be powered by longing and desperation. The anguish of the hungry life softens.”
Kramer G. “Insight dialogue. The interpersonal path to freedom.” Shambhala, Boston, 2007. http://metta.org/