Spacious Freedom from Difficult Emotions

     Fear & anxiety can completely take over our life, squeezing out clarity, perspective & judgment.  
     Genetics & environmental factors clearly play a large role.  
AND ALSO
     “one’s happiness or unhappiness depends on one’s habits of mind.” Guy Armstrong. “Emptiness. A Practical Guide for Meditators.” Wisdom Publications, 2017.
     The context in which we hold our 'self,' experiences (past, present & future), thoughts & emotions is surprisingly influential. Two experienced meditation teachers - Guy Armstrong (GA) and Sharon Salzberg (SS) - elaborate on this:

     GA “I think emptiness is a really practical concept, although it takes a while to understand what makes it work. The (Buddhist) idea of emptiness, very briefly, is that the world is not as solid as we think it is, and we as humans are not as fixed as we tend to think that we are. And so once we start getting into the direct experience of ourselves and of the things we find in life, we find they’re characterized by impermanence – none of them last long enough to be satisfying. And there’s this interesting kind of mystery that in the center of it all is not a solid entity that we would call a me or self, but it more opens into space. So emptiness, as we start looking into it, opens into this feeling that we first probably contact in meditation, that really our experience is made up of a lot of space. You can see this in the outside world – you look out a window and things are there but there’s mostly space. And you start to look internally, and yeah there are body sensations, thoughts, moods and everything, but there’s a lot of inner space too. So as we start to open up into that inner space, emptiness really opens us up into being more grounded. And opening to space leads us into relaxation, ease & settledness. So I think if we can find avenues into feeling the extent of space that’s in our experience, that really leads to a settling of our whole being.”

     SS “Space is like a relief. In my own experience, mindfully looking at my own fear, and by mindful I mean seeing what we’re looking at in a certain way – not holding on, not pushing it away, not trying to explain it, not trying to make it go somewhere else, but just being with – so in being with my own fear in that way, I realize that I’m largely afraid when I think like I do know and it’s going to be really bad. And lots of stories that I’m telling myself ‘this is going to happen, & this is going to happen.’ And then when I remind myself that I don’t know what’s going to happen, I feel space. And in that space, which is a kind of emptiness, I don’t have that sense of dread, because I don’t know, and it’s like many things are possible. I don’t know what’s going to happen and it’s kind of a mystery. It’s such a relief to be in that space, because it’s also true.”

     GA “One of the things we find when we come into the moment, is that things as they are in the moment are mostly bearable. Even an emotion like fear, which is one of the hardest things for people to bear, if you are not in a physically-threatening situation at that moment, and you can allow yourself just to feel what the feeling of fear is, it doesn’t have to feel overwhelming, it doesn’t even have to feel threatening. And so that very openness and acceptance of it, creates a lot of space around it. And we find that the present moment isn’t as scary as all the stories we make up. And so it kind of gets into this interesting exploration of well, why are we telling ourselves all these scary stories, or wanting stories, or sad stories? One of the interesting things about coming into meditation is we start to see what the mind is doing most of the time, that we normally don’t pay attention to because we’re doing something else. But when we become still with our body and look inward, we start to see 'Oh, there’s a really strong habit of thinking, mostly about the past & future, and that fills us with fear on the one hand, or sadness, or wanting on the other hand. And it’s all that activity that keeps us feeling stirred-up.' And so when we can put some space around that, it really helps to let those thoughts & emotions settle down.” 
Metta Hour with Sharon Salzberg Ep. 90 – Guy Armstrong https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/metta-hour-podcast-episode-90-guy-armstrong/

Feeling Our Way Back Home

     Under stress, we automatically rush to our head, quickly trying to figure out how to get rid of danger & find safety, security, comfort. Increasingly however, we're feeling stressed almost continuously. Not surprisingly, for most of us, our heads have become home - an unhappy home.
     Can you feel when your center of gravity is in your head? It's all thinking / self-talk / self-concern isn't it? Can you sense a heaviness between the ears, even a continuous mild headache, often with tightness in the jaw / neck / shoulder areas? While "in your head," you're disengaged from the here & now - "absent-minded", "spaced-out." Such inattentiveness creates the false impression of being uncaring, that you're ignoring & disrespecting people around you, and contributes to accidents - adding to our stress.
     So under stress, we habitually escape into our head, often making the situation worse. We easily recognize the feel of this in our head as well as in the rest of our body - trembling, increased heart rate, butterflies in our bellies etc. We feel tight, alone, isolated, disconnected, anxious & afraid. Such unbalanced thinking is clearly useless, harmful, and feels wrong. 
     Balanced thinking - intentionally planning a project, preparing a menu, designing a garden, solving a math problem etc - is being fully engaged, in a relaxed, sustained manner, with what we're doing, being & feeling at home both in our body and in the present moment.
     Full engagement means that our mind, heart & the rest of our body are working in harmony, in a relaxed, joyfully efficient manner! This feels good! "Flow" is one term used to describe the enjoyable state in which an activity is performed fully immersed in energized focus & full involvement. We feel spacious, intimately connected & engaged with life.
     When we care for a beloved young child, puppy or kitten, we joyfully hold them in love & safety. This is the easiest way of remembering the feel of fully engaging all of our intelligences: mind (reason); heart (emotions & connection to others & environment); and body (physical power & groundedness or connection to the earth / reality). It's a fascinating combination of nurturing, interconnectedness, power & groundedness - like a mother grizzly with her cub. Other examples of this felt sense: hugging a loved one or looking into their eyes (person or animal); doing work (or hobby) that we consider to be our calling; when we see, hear, or read about anything that deeply resonates or touches us.
     We ALL know this felt sense of intimacy with the present! We know & remember this! It's a matter of remembering to return home to our whole self and learn to trust that it's safe & infinitely more pleasant to live our authenticity.
     Mindfulness training very gently, very slowly, eases us back into trusting that it's safe to leave our disembodied stressed-out thought-world, and return to be grounded, at home in our balanced mind-heart-body.
     1) Learn to recognize the unpleasant feel of being in your head: stressful repetitive thoughts, often with the feel of stress in the rest of the body.
     2) Relax, allow, feel awareness descend from your head, down into the heart area. In the heart region, with infinitely patient practice, you will (sooner or later) feel warmth radiating in all directions, outside & within your body. No forcing, no impatience - patiently, gently, feel, sense your way along. This radiating warmth is the physical / energetic feel of your interconnectedness with others, the environment, life itself. This viscerally felt sense of connectedness is profoundly restorative & healthy (vs sad & unhealthy sense of isolation, "me against the world", loneliness).
     3) The warmth extends downward to include your belly, within which your "hara" resides. The hara is the energy center in the middle of the abdomen, 2 inches below the navel, deep along the body's vertical axis. This is your body's power center, from where meditators, martial artists, opera singers & weight-lifters cultivate & generate power, the point around which gymnasts & figure skaters twirl, etc. 
     Even if your abdominal area feels unsafe, the hara is in a protected place, deep within the vertical core of your body. Far from being vulnerable, it is your own power center, never harmed, always reliable. The hara connects & grounds or anchors us to our body, present-moment reality, sanity, stability, the earth.
     4) Keep noticing whenever you get lost in your head, and allow yourself repeatedly to sense your way back down to hang out in the heart & hara centers. See how it feels to perceive life from this balanced mind-heart-body perspective. 
     If this works better & feels healthier, saner & more joyous, then keep patiently, gently practicing - it just gets better & better, despite challenges along the way.

     "All profitable correction comes from a calm, peaceful mind.”  
                                                                                                                         St. Francis de Sales 


(Hurricane Dorian was barreling towards us as I wrote this blog. The eye of the storm was expected to, & did hit our small city a few hours later. It was raining, windy, and ~80,000 homes had already lost power. We were without power, landline, cable & internet for over 24hrs, many trees were downed, along with power lines. Many remained without power for up to a week.)

Abuse, Anger & Threats - Do We Have a Choice?

     “The Brahmins, the priest caste in India, were not very friendly toward the Buddha because he was undermining their livelihood. He preached that one didn’t need an intermediary between oneself and the gods in order to gain happiness, also that it wasn’t very useful to pour ghee over stone gods and offer flowers and incense. Since this was the livelihood of the Brahmins, although many of them did eventually become followers of the Buddha, there were others who dislike him thoroughly.
     One day one of the Brahmins who objected to the Buddha came to listen to one of the Buddha’s discourses and, while he was still speaking, walked up and down in front of him. Then he proceeded to abuse the Buddha, using quite rough language. He said the Buddha was the teacher of a wrong doctrine, that he should be chased out of the country, that he was breaking up family life because the young men were following him into monkhood, that the people should not support him; he reviled him in every possible way he could think of. 
     When he had finally run out of words the Buddha, who had been quietly sitting there listening, said, ‘Brahmin, do you ever have guests in your house?’ The Brahmin answered, ‘Yes, of course we have guests in our house.’ The Buddha said, ‘When you have guests in your house, do you offer them hospitality? Do you offer them food and drink?’ The Brahmin said, ‘Well, of course we do. Of course I offer them food and drink.’ The Buddha continued, ‘And if they don’t accept your hospitality, if they don’t take your food and drink, to whom does it belong?’ The Brahmin said, ‘It belongs to me. It belongs to me.’ The Buddha said, ‘That’s right, Brahmin. It belongs to you.’ 
     This is a good story to remember. Any abuse, anger, or threat belongs to the one who is uttering it. We don’t have to accept it.”

      Ayya Khema. “Being Nobody, Going Nowhere. Meditations on the Buddhist Path.” Wisdom Publications, 2016. 

Love Knows No Boundaries

Waking Up

     "... more and more your life emanates from this place of clear awareness. When the seeing gets very clear and still, it is because 'you' disappear. The great Chinese poet Li Po expressed this beautifully:

          The birds have vanished down the sky
          Now the last cloud drains away.

          We sit together, the mountain and me,
          until only the mountain remains.

     Li Po did not rise up and leave the mountain scenery. His self-conscious mind has left him! He is describing a mind that has stopped churning out ideas, thoughts, feelings, and images. In his case, you might say that he no longer exclaims, 'Look at that gorgeous view. I'm so happy to be here. I can write a poem about this scene, and it will be remembered forever. Perhaps even anthologized.'
     None of that chronic mental activity remains. His poem implies that self-cherishing has fallen away, and what remains is simply clear seeing."

       Larry Rosenberg. Three Steps to Awakening. A Practice for Bringing Mindfulness to Life. Shambhala, Boston, 2013.

Nicolas Le Boulanger, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

and www.nikcorbleau.fr