Danger Signals

     Immediately from one or a few obvious cause(s), or more gradually from unknown numbers of straws on the camel's back, we're regularly bombarded by many, many danger signals.
     'Danger' sounds acute, even life-threatening. But as social creatures, we sense danger even when someone we consider important, isn't as friendly towards us as usual. So the innumerable variables in life, coupled with our 'negativity bias' conspire to more or less constantly keep us on edge! And the greater our history of trauma, the more exaggerated the alarm bells & our responses. One can sustain major trauma without ever having experienced combat or sexual abuse.
      “By far the most important predictor of how well (people) coped with life’s inevitable disappointments was the level of security established with their primary caregiver during the first two years of life.”
     Bessel Van Der Kolk. “The Body Keeps the Score. Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.” Penguin Books, 2015. 

     So we can see that we should be gentle & understanding with our own & others' odd behavior. We're all, to some degree, scared, needy kids who just want to be safe, secure, loved & happy. Our behavior hints at how patient (to desperate) we are to get there, as well as how healthy (to dysfunctional) our idea of "there" happens to be. All of us are always doing our best, no matter how that may appear to others - and even to ourselves when we look back (with dismay & gratitude for the great tolerance we received) later!
     But identifying with our level of dysfunction is unsatisfactory - intentional wallowing simply won't do. We must tirelessly dig ourselves out of this hole. We can learn to quickly & easily recognize the felt sense of false (ego) danger. There's a distinct difference between danger to our ego vs actual life. We must learn to identify this difference, because our quality of life definitely depends on skillfully managing these two vastly different dangers.

 The Space Between by Alice Mason   https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/AliceMasonArtist?ref=l2-shopheader-name

Abuse, Anger & Threats - Do We Have a Choice?

     “The Brahmins, the priest caste in India, were not very friendly toward the Buddha because he was undermining their livelihood. He preached that one didn’t need an intermediary between oneself and the gods in order to gain happiness, also that it wasn’t very useful to pour ghee over stone gods and offer flowers and incense. Since this was the livelihood of the Brahmins, although many of them did eventually become followers of the Buddha, there were others who dislike him thoroughly.
     One day one of the Brahmins who objected to the Buddha came to listen to one of the Buddha’s discourses and, while he was still speaking, walked up and down in front of him. Then he proceeded to abuse the Buddha, using quite rough language. He said the Buddha was the teacher of a wrong doctrine, that he should be chased out of the country, that he was breaking up family life because the young men were following him into monkhood, that the people should not support him; he reviled him in every possible way he could think of. 
     When he had finally run out of words the Buddha, who had been quietly sitting there listening, said, ‘Brahmin, do you ever have guests in your house?’ The Brahmin answered, ‘Yes, of course we have guests in our house.’ The Buddha said, ‘When you have guests in your house, do you offer them hospitality? Do you offer them food and drink?’ The Brahmin said, ‘Well, of course we do. Of course I offer them food and drink.’ The Buddha continued, ‘And if they don’t accept your hospitality, if they don’t take your food and drink, to whom does it belong?’ The Brahmin said, ‘It belongs to me. It belongs to me.’ The Buddha said, ‘That’s right, Brahmin. It belongs to you.’ 
     This is a good story to remember. Any abuse, anger, or threat belongs to the one who is uttering it. We don’t have to accept it.”

      Ayya Khema. “Being Nobody, Going Nowhere. Meditations on the Buddhist Path.” Wisdom Publications, 2016. 

Love Knows No Boundaries

What Do I Really Trust?

     What do you ultimately trust? What do you truly believe in? In what do you take refuge from life's craziness?

     You probably didn't immediately come up with things like: eating, coffee, texting, gossiping, ethanol, wealth, fame, sex, shopping, working compulsively, etc. Whatever we immediately turn to for comfort is our refuge - what we actually trust.
     Our choices may embarrass us, even privately. We may vehemently deny our addictive relationship with the "substances" we abuse. But what happens if we try to end these relationships - either suddenly or by tapering off? 

     Ultimately, this is not a matter of morals - we're not "bad" or "sinners." The problem is one of frustration. We're "looking for love in all the wrong places." We exhaust ourselves sucking on pebbles, while starving for profound nourishment. Hitting rock bottom is finally realizing, not just intellectually, but ACTUALLY GETTING THE FACT that what we need is not in the pebbles.

     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/11/self-defeating-behaviours-repression.html
     and: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/11/fear-based-rigidity-wisdom-paths-to.html
 

Rutger Bus   www.dpreview.com