What Best Serves?

     Many times each day, even hourly, a thought, emotion or body sensation will arise that we instinctively don't want! We tend to be much more clearly aware of such events while meditating. 'Not wanting' easily leads to an argument with reality - we assume, 'This is wrong! This shouldn't be happening!' It's perfectly human to instinctively pull away from unpleasant, towards the pleasant, and to ignore neutral stimuli.

     But our highly-evolved heart-mind knows that unwillingness to turn towards & relate with kind curiosity to ANYTHING & EVERYTHING, including negative mind states, is the major cause suffering. Arguing with, instead of accepting, learning from & wisely relating to reality is the basis of suffering. Things are the way they are right now, like it or not. Paradoxically, when we let go of resisting what is, it changes! See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNTXFsC4FJI
     Perhaps the most skillful way of deciding on any course of action is asking ourselves, 'What best serves this moment?' In other words, what would best nurture me in this situation? If my loving, wise grandmother carefully assessed my current situation, what would she advise me to do right now for my long-term benefit?
      Can we learn to adopt an active, empowered, helpful approach - one of wise nurturing - consistently (like a skillful gardener) aiming to provide all the causes & conditions for flourishing?  
     'What best serves right now?' Posing this question to myself I find to be very self-compassionate, encouraging & empowering.

     A part of us feels very young, afraid & helpless. Whenever we find ourselves embodying this fearful child 'part,' we feel alone & vulnerable in what feels like a hostile world. Due to past traumas, we instinctively react to triggers by freezing, running & hiding, or with aggression - the latter an overcompensation for our felt helplessness. This is our ancient 'fight, flight, freeze' instinct.
     But an almost silent part of us feels authentic, mature, peaceful, competent & connected with everyone & everything ('tend & befriend instinct'). When we embody this wise elder 'part' or our true Self, we feel a natural profound bond - 'interbeing' with everyone & everything (how our right hand relates to our left). We relate to ourselves & others with natural, joyful, loving collaboration.
    Useful details about "parts": Richard C. Schwartz. "No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model." Sounds True, 2021. OR for a concise summary of IFS, see p172-176 in David A. Treleaven. “Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness. Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing.” W.W. Norton & Co, 2018.

     "To be enlightened is to be intimate with all things." Zen Master Dogen  

     The fearful child part in us feels as if there's always something lacking. It craves for 'the right condition' - people, things, experiences - anything at all, to fill an unquenchable thirst. No matter how hard it strives, it just can't.
       David R. Loy. “Lack & Transcendence. The Problem of Death and Life in Psychotherapy, Existentialism, and Buddhism.” Wisdom Publications, 2018.

     The wise elder in us feels at peace, grateful, deeply happy - independent of conditions. In this state of abundance (vs 'lack'), we only wish to share what is most precious to us: our ease & joy - by nurturing, by being of service, so that others too may flourish. This blissfulness ('heart opening') can be felt physically as warmth radiating from our body, especially the heart area.

     The most interesting & valuable thing is that we can intentionally cultivate our inherent ability to increasingly embody the wise elder state of being. And whenever we feel the fearful child being triggered in us, we can ask ourselves: 'What best serves me & others, here & now?' With practice - and sometimes with additional help from mental health professionals - the wise elder in us can more & more easily soothe the fearful child by holding it in safety, unconditional love & nurturing it. There is a bond of deep trust - unconditional love - between our inner child & our inner wise elder. This is where wise loving-kindness & self-compassion meet real daily life.
       Kristin Neff. “Self-Compassion. The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.” HarperCollins, 2011.
 
     All this can be accomplished by patiently practicing generosity, ethics & meditation. 
       Gil Fronsdal. "The Issue at Hand. Essays on Buddhist Mindfulness Practice." 2001. www.insightmeditationcenter.org

The Felt Sense of Authenticity

     For many of us, it's obvious that addicts to heroin, alcohol, gambling etc are "looking for love in all the wrong places." These people bet everything that the next hit will make them happy, while we who are not addicted (to these substances) are clearly aware that each hit for an addict is just another step closer to 'rock bottom.'
      After meditating for a while, we may notice something truly surprising. During meditation, after the mind has settled down, and our center of gravity has descended from the storm-clouds of our mind, to our heart and or abdomen (hara), we might experience a subtle sense of kind presence, ease, stillness, warmth, silence & peace. Gradually we might learn that we're able to just rest in this wholesome, natural state of being - feeling, experiencing, BEING rightness, authenticity, kindness & joy. We realize that we actually deserve to rest & directly experience: "Nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to be."
     Then suddenly, we're lost again thinking about our old 'story of me,' concerns, anxieties, etc. Now we experience a tone of 'something's off' - unpleasantly familiar yet not really who / what I really am, stress.
     So in daily life we can be 'clean & sober' OR 'addicted.' During meditation we can be kindly aware - as if we were a loving wise grandmother caring for her only beloved 4-year-old grandchild - OR - regretting the past, fretting about the future, & in the process, forgetting or unable to lovingly care for our own life & that of others.
     We can't 'fight, flight, freeze' at the same time as 'tend & befriend' - the two ways of being are mutually exclusive. The former often feels like a life-or-death emergency, shutting / shouting down our much quieter, gentler 'affiliative sensibility.' Sadly, many of us are predominantly in 'fight, flight, freeze.' This is not by choice; is not helpful; & is definitely not sustainable. This emotional pandemic has been around for decades before the current viral pandemic.
     Meditation has a great deal to teach us about how it feels to be authentic vs how it feels when we're being driven by ancient survival instincts & conditioning that no longer benefit us; and how we can learn to gradually live more & more realistically, authentically, freely & with greater joy. 
     Susan Morgan gave a wonderful talk & guided meditation on this subject on May 29, 2020. This one (& more) can be found here: https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/resources/daily-sit/ OR here: https://www.billandsusan.org/copy-of-daily-sit-april-2020

     Humanity as a whole is gradually waking up, evolving. “What we really want … is for humanity to hold nature sacred again. What we want is to move from a society of domination to one of participation, from conquest to co-creation, from extraction to regeneration, from harm to healing, and from separation to love. And we want to enact this transition in all our relations: ecological, economic, political, and personal. That is why we can say, ‘The revolution is love.’” Charles Eisenstein “Extinction and the Revolution of Love.” January 2020 https://charleseisenstein.org/essays/extinction-and-the-revolution-of-love/

The Fear - Love Continuum

     After four or five years of continuous hard training, while awarding the black belt to deserving karate students, a wise karate teacher may tell them that now they're ready to learn karate. What does this mean? Eagerly focusing on the goal of the mythical black belt at least partially obscures important deeper engagement with the martial art itself. Only after the extrinsic reason for training is put to rest, can training purely for the love of the art really begin.
     When obsessed with a goal, we're filled with enthusiastic energy. Energy is necessary to get things done. But when single-pointed zeal takes over, quieter, gentler, more refined qualities like perspective, maturity & depth are often pushed to the side. When obsessed with getting or avoiding, we forget who we are - our authenticity, then everything goes wrong.

     The more we crave a goal, the more we're coming from a place of not having enough, not being enough. "If ONLY I had X, THEN I'd be happy" - is part of the "fight, flight, freeze instinct," at the fear end of the fear-love continuum, where we feel alone, drowning in stress hormones (adrenalin & cortisone). It's very difficult to think clearly and make good judgements in this state. Action arising from this sense of being an animal trapped in a hostile environment is survival based self-centeredness, with no regard for others, the environment or even one's own long-term happiness. A frighteningly large proportion of the population, even in wealthy countries, is stuck in this hellish realm, often for life.
     When we very simply, directly engage with whatever or whomever we're with in this present moment, we are being authentic. This overlaps with the "tend & befriend instinct" at the love end of the fear-love continuum, where we feel our deep connection with everyone & everything, and feel pleasant, partly due to the hormone oxytocin. Authenticity transcends words & concepts, and can only be experienced: profound peace, stillness, silence, ease, awareness. Action from authenticity arises spontaneously as it feels appropriate, nurturing, decreasing suffering and increasing flourishing for all, including oneself.

     Mindfulness practice is a gentle way of gradually releasing conditioned survival strategies (that today are almost always inappropriate & self-defeating), and learning to reconnect with and stabilize in our own, deepest authenticity. Mindfulness practice is a way of getting back to reality & quality of life.

     “Remember we don’t meditate to get anything, but to get rid of things. We do it, not with desire, but with letting go. If you want anything, you won’t find it.” Ajahn Chah 

      "... even one moment of true silence can have a profound impact. When you are truly silent, there are no obstacles between you and the truth." Miguel Chen

www.awakeningartsacademy.com

Trauma - a Fact of Life

     “Potentially traumatic situations are ones that induce states of high physiologic arousal but without the freedom for the affected person to express and get past these states: danger without the possibility of fight or flight and, afterward, without the opportunity to ‘shake it off,’ as a wild animal would following a frightful encounter with a predator. What ethologists call tonic immobility – the paralysis and physical/emotional shutdown that characterize the universal experience of helplessness in the face of mortal danger – comes to dominate the person’s life and functioning. We are ‘scared stiff.’ In human beings, unlike in animals, the state of temporary freezing becomes a long-term trait. The survivor … may remain ‘stuck in a kind of limbo, not fully reengaging in life.’ In circumstances where others sense no more than a mild threat or even a challenge to be faced, the traumatized person experiences threat, dread and mental/physical listlessness, a kind of paralysis of body and will. Shame, depression and self-loathing follow in the wake of such imposed helplessness. 
     Trauma is not a disease, but rather a human experience rooted in survival instincts. Inviting the full, if carefully graded, expression of our instinctive responses will allow the traumatic state to loosen its hold on the sufferer. Goodness, the restoration of vitality, follows. It springs from within. ‘Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.’ 
     In our suffering lies also our salvation. … the same psychophysiologic systems that govern the traumatic state also mediate core feelings of goodness and belonging.”

       Levine PA. "In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness." North Atlantic Books, Berkeley, 2010. 

"Like water off a duck's back"?

 

The Liberating Quality of Nonabiding

     “Whenever you have feelings of love or hate for anything whatsoever, these will be your aides and partners in building parami*. The Buddha-Dharma is not to be found in moving forwards, nor in moving backwards, nor in standing still. This, Sumedho, is your place of nonabiding.”               Ajahn Chah, in a rare letter, to his student Ajahn Sumedho
 
       Amaro Bhikkhu "Small Boat, Great Mountain. Theravadan Reflections on the Natural Great Perfection." Abhayagiri Monastic Foundation, 2003. (available in pdf format without cost on the web)

     * Parami / paramita = spiritual perfections

Light Wooden sculptures by P. Michael Lovas

Just This Moment - as it Actually Is - OR - Perseverative Cognition

     “… it takes a bit of meditative presence to be with what is – just as it is – without being distracted by all the evaluations and comments that habitually arise about our situation. We suffer more from our stories than from the actual situation as it is.”         Toni Packer 

     “My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes – most of which have never happened.”        Mark Twain


Perseverative Cognition: Brosschot JF, Verkuil B, Thayer JF. Conscious and unconscious perseverative cognition: is a large part of prolonged physiological activity due to unconscious stress? J Psychosom Res. 2010; 69(4): 407-16.
Psychology of Stress: http://www.guidetopsychology.com/stress.htm

Montreal, Canada