Leaning Into Reality - All of It

     Fear of change is universal. At some level we all realize that everything is constantly changing, quickly, unpredictably and essentially uncontrollably. That is truly terrifying!
     Constant change (anicca), including aging, sickness & death, is so frightening that most of us simply can't face it, and thus suppress the whole idea, distracting ourselves with anything & everything: shopping, multitasking, compulsive texting, overeating, substance abuse, gambling, sex, workaholism, cults, ... 
     There are innumerable dysfunctional support groups for the many who cannot face existential realities. Why dysfunctional? Because trying to avoid reality doesn't work & only makes it harder when life hits you between the eyes to wake you up.

     “I’ve had to learn to lean into all I don’t understand, accepting that I am changed by what I hear. In all, it’s been an exciting journey, one that’s made me more alive.”
      Mark Nepo. “Seven Thousand Ways to Listen. Staying Close to What is Sacred.” Free Press, NY, 2012.

      Life "asks us to ('lean into') look at, listen to, develop curiosity towards, take responsibility for our own suffering. When we don’t, we blame others or external factors (project, externalize), and suffering becomes endless. Meditation is a way of really settling into the moment, and sustaining long, long stretches of awareness so we can know and understand ourselves, and see where delusions arise.”      Ajahn Viradhammo

Impact of Self-concepts

     “Ordinarily, we assume that our feelings of having a self mean that the self is utterly real: unbreakable, enduring, permanent, and absolute. ‘Really real,’ as Professor Robert Thurman likes to say. 

     But the Buddhist understanding is that, although the self appears to be real, it is only the appearance that is real. The self is not a lasting entity in its own right. It is not separate and distinct from the circumstances that give rise to its appearance.

     Understanding this crucial distinction enables one to enjoy the self’s manifestations without trying to make them more than they really are. 

     The glass can be valued, even treated as precious, while knowing that it is already broken.”

 

       Epstein M. "Psychotherapy without the Self. A Buddhist Perspective." Yale University Press, New Haven CT, 2007. 

Time to Prioritize Quality of Life - Moment-to-Moment

     "Time poverty", the feeling of being squeezed for time can give rise to frantic busy-ness. We seem to be competing for who can squeeze most into 24 hours. Quantity seems to be everything -  who prioritizes quality? - who provides the essential time & attitude for quality? 
     A cynical bumper sticker on a Corvette stated: "The one who dies with the most toys wins." Does the one who dies having cranked out the most widgets "win"?

     The sense of time running out gives rise to chronic fight/flight reaction. And in fact our time IS running out - we have a finite number of years, days, breaths. But attempting to outrun death by racing madly through life is a nightmare, not quality living. Quality & quantity are inversely proportional. Wouldn't you rather slowly savor a fine moderate-sized meal, than set a record for the most hot dogs inhaled in 15 minutes?

     Patients often ask physicians: "Does THIS mean I'm going to die?"

     Honest answer: "YES - OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! - But if you fully embrace your mortality, you can actually start living."