Brokenness AND Repair

    “The physical world in which we live … is only part of an inconceivably vast system of worlds. Most of these worlds are spiritual in their essence … they exist in different dimensions of being.” Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz, “The Thirteen Petalled Rose”

    “The old temple of Western religion is burning … We are seeking a new temple, one that links our inherited traditions with our forgotten ancestors.” Jill Hammer, “The Hebrew Priestess.”

    “The October 7th slaughter of her fellow Jews, and the Israeli invasion of Gaza, deeply shook Jill Hammer and her wife Shoshana, whose father survived Auschwitz and fought in Israel’s war of independence. Hammer looked drawn and exhausted when we spoke a few days after the massacre. I asked if there was anything in her belief system that would allow her to digest what had happened. 
    ‘In the Kabbalah, the world is a broken place,’ she said almost forlornly. ‘And the whole idea of tikkun, repair, which is at the heart of Kabbalah, assumes that our world is broken. And it makes the mystical assumption that the small acts of repair that we do are a way of slowly piecing back together that broken world. I don’t think that’s a bad way to look at the human condition.’ 
    As we spoke, thousands of human beings were being killed each day by other human beings. Divine intervention was not the answer, Hammer explained sadly. The onus, she said, was on us. ‘The Kabbalah assumes that there isn’t some deity looking at this from some perfect realm, but that the transcendent is itself implicated in all of this brokenness and also cannot escape it. And for me, that’s a much more appealing theology than there’s some God in some perfect space who could fix all this if only God would bother.’ 
    I could see a change in her face as she tried to compartmentalize her human pain and reconnect with her spiritual self. ‘As long as we live in bodies, there is the potential that we will fight over things, that we will hurt each other.’ The Kabbalah taught this was the inevitable result of imbalance between gevuruth, strength, and chesed, loving-kindness, in the world. Strength without compassion, she explained, was the root of evil. ‘It’s like a cancerous growth that comes out of gevuruth. Then you get acts of ego and cruelty and separation.’ 
    But it was on the idea of Jews as the ‘chosen people’ that she parted with her beloved Kabbalah. ‘I certainly feel the Jewish people have a unique history and perhaps destiny, but the Kabbalah’s argument that Jews are engaged in this work of tikkun and other people are at best neutral and at worst agents of brokenness, that’s not a thing I would want to adopt.’ That view just fueled narcissism and the quest for strength without compassion. Peace might be out of reach, but restoration of balance – which would be the first step – was at the center of her prayers. ‘I understand that there are things that may not move in response to my prayer, but maybe there are some things that can.’” 
    Lawrence Pintak “Lessons from the Mountaintop. Ten Modern Mystics and Their Extraordinary Lives.” Sentient Publications, 2025.

    Perspective, as in most things, is all-important when the concept of "chosen people" comes up. Non-Jews, might immediately feel excluded, inferior, second class etc. However, ALL the other theistic religions ALSO dogmatically state that their specific religion is the ONLY way to heaven - they may not call themselves "chosen people" but religious exclusivism, no matter how thickly sugar-coated, excludes anyone outside the club just the same.
    Narcissism still rages like a wildfire in politics, but mercifully, it's causing rigid, ossified, religious dogmas - like religious exclusivism - to crumble.

“We live in a moment of disruption, death, and rebirth.  
What’s dying is an old civilization and mindset of ‘me.’  
What is being born is less clear but in no way less significant… It’s a future that requires us to tap into a deeper level  
of our humanity, of who we really are,  
and who we want to be as a society.  
It’s a shift that requires us to expand our thinking  
from the head to the heart.  
It is a shift from an ego-system awareness  
that cares about the well-being of me  
to an eco-system awareness  
that cares about the well-being of all,  
including myself.” 
Otto Scharmer


“God dwells within you, 
as you.”
Muktananda

"The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind ..."

 

Waking Up from the Trance

    Many of us, without realizing it, bring our driven, perfectionistic energy to spiritual practices. For decades we may fail to realize that the goal of spirituality is not a perfectly-polished, shiny version of our personality nor even a consistently happy life - which are just goals of the ego. Who we think we are is as simplistically inaccurate as a stick-figure drawing of a human being, or humanity's conception of Divinity.

    Eighty-three-year-old “teacher, author, & spiritual leader Gangaji, offers Sri Ramana Maharshi and Sri Poonjaji's radical invitation to stop the search for fulfillment & enlightenment and to fully recognize the truth of one's being, which is already completely whole and permanently at peace. 
    Her radical invitation is to: 
        Examine your own life. 
        Choose to wake up from the trance of who you think you are and experience the truth of who you really are. 
        Resolve not to go back into the trance by turning away from that essential experience of waking up. 
        Freshly inquire anew as thoughts or feelings of separation arise.

    Gangaji's invitation is radical in part because it is not based upon a particular philosophy or religion. There are no prescribed practices or rituals, unless one considers self-inquiry or self-observation a practice. Most radically, it calls into question the very structure of who we've believed ourselves to be.  
    Who you are is not separate from God or Love or Truth or Freedom or Peace or Silence, whatever one chooses to call it. 
    Therefore, there is nothing you have to do to 'get there.' No merit to be earned. Who you are is already here, has always been and will always be.
    The invitation is to wake up and be Yourself.” 
    Gangaji. “Freedom and Resolve: Finding Your True Home in the Universe.” Hampton Roads, 2014.   

    Below, Gangaji reads & comments on a letter written to her:
    Letter:    “I experience full being ecstasy when I see someone crack open, when the ‘aha’ shines from their face, when their tears leak the truth that has been bottled so long. I simultaneously experience the ‘aha,’ the tears, the nowness. I have experienced these moments in my own heart too. So many times now that it seems normal. 
    And it is this normalcy that I wonder about. When I stop, am I stopping too soon? I always have the feeling that there must be just one more hidden attachment or contraction to notice.”

    Gangaji: “Well, that’s the hidden attachment. ‘There must be one more’ - that’s the hidden attachment.” 

    Letter:    “There must be one more hidden attachment to unburden my heart from. I am like a dog looking for that last morsel of food that rolled under the refrigerator out of reach, but well within smell.” 

    Gangaji: “So then, you’ve had the experience, you see the play of the mind, and then the play of the mind gives this ‘scent of more nourishment.’ That’s when, are you willing to stop, right there, to die? Because that’s what this is about."

    Letter:    “Well, I just need to get a little more of something, so I don’t die in the stopping. I mean, I don’t want to stop until I have all my goods handled."

    Gangaji: “So it has to do with ‘unburdening,’ and so forth. But you have to see it through the wiliness of the mind. It’s still a postponement of stopping. It’s still a postponement of death. 
    You can spend your whole life like that, having been graced with exquisite moments of truth, and then getting on with the business of accumulation.” 

    Letter:    “If I can just get that one last tidbit of untruth, then I can rest.” 

    Gangaji: “There is always more untruth. You get that one last tidbit, it’ll only make you hungry for the next last tidbit. Haven’t you had enough of the lies? Haven’t you had enough of untruth? When is the point when you say, 'Stop!'? 
    This is such a trap of the mind. This trap of the mind is psychological sophistication. ‘Well, I’m sure I have to clean up a little more. So best not to stop now.' 
    Stop and die. That’s what it’s about. Stop and die imperfect as you are, without any hope of being cleaned up and shiny, and presented to God as some pure vessel. Just as you are right now, you present yourself, fully, nakedly, with all your imperfections and no hope of cleaning them up, and see what welcomes that as you are, not as you will be, if you follow this little morsel, this stink under the refrigerator. 

    Letter:    “It just feels like, ‘There’s something I must be missing.’” 

    Gangaji: “You see, here we go. This is the rebirth now. So if it feels like that, feel like that fully and completely missing the boat. Missing it all. You are missing it. It’s true. When there’s this feeling, ‘I’m missing,’ – that’s right. That feeling is a Divine feeling. 
    But our tendency is to get rid of that feeling. So, we find one little bit of spiritual morsel, one little way to clean up the act a little better, so that we’ll be ready to stop next time. 
    If you are feeling that you are missing something, recognize I am missing something, and be that missing fully and completely. BE the pain of that, the horror of that, the self-betrayal of that, the lie of that, all the spiritual and psychological maneuvering around that is a way to escape that. 
    But as you can quite clearly see, you may sense or feel that you escape it in the moment, because you take the morsel and there’s some alleviation of the hunger. But it arises. It will haunt you until you meet it. And be glad it will haunt you until you meet it. Be glad that you haven’t fully learned how to deny. This is the pain of anything less than full self-recognition, and it is quite reliable. 

    Letter:    “I feel like I must be absolutely clean sometimes before I can present this who I amness to the world.” 

    Gangaji: “‘Who I amness’ is nothing! It’s not clean. It’s not dirty and it’s not clean. So when you are thinking I have to be absolutely cleaned before I can present this who amness to the world, you’re still thinking about this object called you. This is now me, as who amness! This is a big thought. The thought I amness. You are not who you think you are, whether that’s I am notness or I amness. 

    Letter:    “There seems to be a shadow and veil separating me from me.” 

    Gangaji: “Yes, it is. And that shadow and that veil, is this lie: ‘I am separated from me.’ That’s the shadow. That’s the veil. Dive into it and see how thick it is. 

    Letter:    “And I spend much of my time looking for confirmation of my separation in the world. 

    Gangaji: “That’s right. And you will find it. 

    Letter:    “Looking for a wink, or a twitch, or a glance that will confirm this doubt that I am not here yet. 

    Gangaji: “That’s right. ‘You’ aren’t here yet, because ‘you’ don’t exist. ‘You,’ who are thinking has to get somewhere, doesn’t exist. It’s a thought in your mind. It will never get there. It will never get there! 
    If you can appreciate the pain of that, the frustration of that, the absurdity of that, that you can die to that. (Fully process all of it physically http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=physical+processing)
    It’s not about ‘you’ getting somewhere. It’s not about ‘you’ becoming clean or you becoming the I am that. That ‘you’ does not exist. It’s a thought. It’s made up. It’s illusion. Investigate it for yourself and see. That’s what self-inquiry is. 
    Rather than continuing this pursuit of satisfaction for this madeup you, now it’s like this. This messy image of me, I don’t like. I want this squeaky-clean image of me. They’re both just images – the clean and the messy. Both just images. Both made up in the mind to keep the mind entertained, spinning, weaving, moving, deflecting, imagining. ‘Stop’ has nothing to do with stop so that you get clean; stop so that you wake up. 
    Stop so that you can see that who you think you are, you are not! Stop so that you can see that when the thoughts of who you are stop, you remain! You don’t need thoughts of who you are to be, whether the latest thought is squeaky clean or filthy dirty. Neither are needed. You exist independently from any thought. No thought exists independently from you. Every thought needs you for its thought. But you exist independently of any thought.” 
    Gangaji "The Lie that Keeps You Searching" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DepjSGrRjL8

    We're so STRONGLY identified with our small, narrow-minded personal and group stories (MY country, MY race, MY religion, MY dogmas, MY political party, MY skin color, etc) that we rarely if ever remember the infinitely wiser, greater spirit we actually are. Being trapped in any story is being confined to a small, cold, dark prison cell that we ourselves maintain by continuously engaging with self-talk. 

    STOP engaging repetitive, circular self-talk in your head. Learn to shift awareness to your heart center and live authentically - spacious, free, loving, nurturing, warm, peaceful. 

 

Two Lessons from Tenzin Palmo

    Most of us start life eager to learn how to control, make & accumulate things & experiences to make us as happy, safe & comfortable as possible. Some remain at this stage for life.
    Some become frustrated from repeatedly failing to achieve deep, sustained peace & satisfaction despite controlling, making & accumulating all sorts of stuff & experiences. Some - probably many - stay at this 'life sucks, and then you die' stage for life.
    Some then turn to religion or spirituality, assuming the magic is in ancient rituals, places, & practices. And a wondrous 'honeymoon period' can occur in religion / spirituality which feels very much like falling in love. Sadly the 'high' doesn't last, and along with it, enthusiasm for religion / spirituality can peter out, leaving adherents with nothing more than a social club for those trapped in 'ordinary unhappiness.'
    A growing number of people sense that there must be a deeper, wiser way of being than wallowing in anxiety / depression. And of course shamans, mystics, saints & serious meditators have known, spoken & written about wisdom traditions for thousands of years: shamanism, Taoism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Kabbalah, Christian Mysticism, Sufism, etc. http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=perennial .
    Mature mystics tell us that becoming a mystic does not make all our difficult challenges disappear. With lifelong practice, mystics gradually integrate mystical insights into their daily lives. This means that they gradually become less-and-less focused on personal concepts, preferences, likes & dislikes, etc and more-and-more focused on the welfare of others. This profound shift in consciousness eliminates more than 90% of unnecessary (self-inflicted) suffering: no longer getting angry the many, many times 'things don't go our way.' HOWEVER, mature mystics still experience constant change, aging, sickness, pain & death; and actually feel their own & others' hurts & sorrows much more than the average person BUT experience it all from a very different, much wiser perspective, with little if any suffering.

    “Humans live through their myths, and only endure their realities."
        Robert Anton Wilson. “Cosmic Trigger 1. Final Secret of the Illuminati.” Hilaritas Press, 2016.

    What we hear or read about mature mystics are 'myths' to those who've had little or no mystical experiences, but are simply the reality experienced by other mature mystics, regardless of their background, geography, or time.

 
    “… there is within me something greater, something far more wonderful than I have yet been able to show to the world … something intrinsically good …” 
    Rev. Roshi P.T.N.H. Jiyu-Kennett, “The Wild, White Goose. The Diary of a Female Zen Priest.” ed 2. Shasta Abbey Press, 2002.

    "There is something greater than us, this nondual reality of which we are a part. And you’re always connected to it. There’s no way not to be connected. But you can block it. And unblocking is what these practices are for." 
    Rami Shapiro. CHALLENGING BELIEFS: Are You a VICTIM of Spiritual Misguidance? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rZLlvXFQ7k

    One of the many mystical insights we are ALL capable of receiving is that "there is within me something greater." After this, instead of fearing we're alone, meaninglessly lost in a hostile universe, we KNOW that each of us is a precious, integral part of the intelligent loving Source of all there is.

    “View all traditions and views as non-contradictory, 
      And as true expressions of the Buddha’s teachings.”  
            Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, ‘Heart of Compassion”

    Highly-evolved beings like Sri Anandamayee Ma understand that "the 'personalized gods' of organized religion - whether Brahma, Buddha, Allah, or 'God the Father' of Christianity - are 'like ice, different forms of what is really only [the] pure formlessness' of water: 'When you become attracted and get in touch with a particular Divine form, as you become more absorbed in it, you one day find out that S/He is indeed the formless. Then you see that S/He is sakara [with form] as well as nirakara [without form], as well as beyond both.'"

        Diane Perry felt a strong call to become a Tibetan Buddhist nun when she was 17. As part of her training, renamed Tenzin Palmo, she spent 12 years meditating alone in a 6x6 foot cave in the Himalayas at an altitude of 13,000 feet.
    Most of us can become very upset over ridiculously trivial inconveniences - "first world problems." For context, Buddhists consider the entire realm of existence as 'samsara' - an endless circle of birth and rebirth mired in 'dukkha' - suffering (but more accurately, ‘unsatisfactory’).  
    Tenzin Palmo's reaction to a problem can be a valuable lesson for ALL of us:
    "One spring as the snows melted, her cave flooded. Sick and soaking wet, Palmo sat in her meditation box examining her plight. ‘I was thinking, “Yes, they were right in what they told me about living in caves. Who would want to live in this horrible wet?” It was cold and miserable and still snowing. 
    Then suddenly I thought, ‘Are you still looking for happiness in samsara? We’re always hoping that everything will be pleasant and fearing that it won’t be.’ Suddenly, she realized, ‘“It doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter. Samsara is dukkha. There’s no problem. Why expect happiness? If happiness is there, happiness is there. If happiness isn’t there, what do you expect? It really doesn’t matter.” 
    When I felt that in my heart, this whole weight of hope and fear just dropped away. … It was an enormous relief. … Why do we make such a big fuss when we suffer? It doesn’t matter. We go on.”

    Even before she left England for the Himalayas, Diane Perry started doing a Buddhist mantra practice of chanting ‘Om Mani Padme Hum.’ This practice reinforces the practitioner’s focus on compassion for other beings.
    She "was working in a library and couldn’t say her mantra aloud, so she began repeating it silently in her heart. ‘Within a very short time, my mind split and there was this quiet, calm, spacious mind with the 'Om Mani Padme Hum' reverberating within it, then there was this peripheral mind with all the thoughts and emotions. The two minds were detached from one another. This gave great poise to my mind and the ability to exercise far more choice over my thoughts and feelings because I was no longer immersed in them.’”
    Lawrence Pintak “Lessons from the Mountaintop. Ten Modern Mystics and Their Extraordinary Lives.” Sentient Publications, 2025. 

    If you're naturally empathic to the plight of others, continuously repeating (internalizing) the mantra, 'Om Mani Padme Hum' will gradually open & soften your heart and you'll feel warmth radiating from your chest. SUPERCHARGE THIS WITH Loving-Kindness Meditation: http://www.johnlovas.com/2022/12/deeper-dimensions-of-acceptance.html 
    If you have a more devotional temperment, and feel more at home with Christian spirituality, try using the mantra, 'maranatha' - Aramaic Christian exclamation meaning "Our Lord, come!" or "Come, Lord Jesus!" used in some Christian meditation practices.
    If you feel more comfortable with a secular mantra, try, 'Om (Aum)' - the sound of the universe, creation, and wholeness. Other secular mantras, "I am grounded," "I am calm," "I am safe," "I am loved," "I am enough," "I am at peace."

    With steady practice, our command center gradually shifts from being exclusively fear / thought-based ("fight / flight / freeze"), located in our head, to being increasingly love / compassion-based ("tend & befriend"), located in our heart. This intentional process of "de-armoring" our heart, allows us to perceive everything - joys & sorrows - of life with progressively greater sensitivity. 

 

“God dwells within you, 
as you.” 
Muktananda


“No effort is lost, 
No obstacles exist.” 
Bhagavad Gita

 

     

Illustration from onbeing.org

Basic Meditation Practice

    Meditation practices pre-date organized religions by thousands of years. All major religions adopted; then - except for Hindus, Buddhists, Eastern Orthodox Christians & Quakers - forgot about; then over the past 50 years or so, most progressive religions re-introduced meditation practices. 
    Nowadays, even outspoken atheists, like Sam Harris, proudly practice meditation. Zen, a branch of Buddhism, is seriously practiced by, and even officially taught by, some Roman Catholic nuns & priests, Jewish Rabbis and atheists.  
    Meditation is profoundly beneficial, even "transformational," regardless of what, if any, belief system one holds. Avoiding meditation is easy. Practicing meditation regularly, like regular physical exercise, takes a bit of effort, but is very wise.

    Basically, meditation practice is about cultivating the courage to remain present to anything your mind & body throws at you, resisting the urge to turn away from pain by turning this physical felt sense into an abstraction, a mental & emotional concept – which actually causes suffering. The pain alone causes less than 10% of the suffering, our attempts to resist feeling it & dealing with it directly causes over 90% of the suffering.
    (In meditation,) face physical as well as emotional & intellectual discomfort, as merely data (simply information) coming from the senses. Be curious about it, 'lean into it' & learn from the data. This practice is designed to teach equanimity, or self-control & awareness, no matter what arises in life – pleasure, pain, boredom, jealousy, anger, lust, longing, sadness. It's designed to interrupt the common habitual impulse – to turn from pain and toward pleasure as fast as we can, … which in the long run leads to greater ignorance & suffering.
    Keith Martin-Smith. “A Heart Blown Open. The Life and Practice of Zen Master Jun Po Denis Kelly Roshi.” Devine Arts, 2011. A REAL EYE-OPENING READ!    

    As with other challenges, it's best to start with baby steps. When starting meditation practice, we're advised to remain still & silent (not engage in internal conversations) even when we feel some minor physical discomfort, like a tickle on our nose. We simply stay with the physical sensation of the tickle, only observing the physical sensation of the tickle, not moving, not talking to ourselves, simply observing JUST THIS physical sensation. We learn experientially that everything ends, so we don't have to immediately react to unpleasant physical sensations. Succeeding in this, gives us the confidence to face more difficult challenges with equanimity.

    As we steadily face whatever unpleasantness we've always avoided & run from before, remain fully-present to the physical feeling of discomfort, the degree of discomfort will progressively diminish, until it disappears, and we are suddenly rewarded. In the long run, this same issue, that we just physically processed, will either recur in progressively milder & milder manifestations, or might only recur without any negative charge at all, as only a powerless memory. This physical processing - remaining with only the physical feel of whatever we're averse to, is a powerful DIY way to disarm psychological baggage.
    If you can't do this on your own, the right meditation teacher, and possibly, the right mental health professional, can definitely help you with this essential healing.

    There's no way to shortcut the essential step of emptying our closet of 'skeletons.' No matter how religious or spiritual you become, significant remaining untreated psychological baggage will continue to sabbotage your life, resulting in needless suffering for yourself and all those around you. 
    Avoiding needed psychological / psychiatric treatment, and instead choosing religion or spirituality, is a common serious form of avoidance called 'spiritual bypassing.'

    Only after we're able to deeply face our small self (personality) - the fictional 'story of me' we've been telling ourselves & others; and have forgiven & accepted this perfectly imperfect small self with kindness, are we able, with an established meditation practice, to repeatedly, lovingly, recognize whenever we relapse into small self behaviour, and effortlessly & lovingly shift back into our true Self (shared aliveness, Buddhanature, Christ consciousness, etc).
    Sitting wishing, hoping, to eventually become awakened takes us further away from awakening (shared aliveness, Buddhahood, Christ consciousness). But as soon as we embody our true Self, we ARE sitting AS shared aliveness (AS the Buddha, AS Christ consciousness).
    Getting hijacked by the tired old 'story of me' pulls us right back into unnecessary suffering. 
    Becoming aware that we're lost in our self-talk / 'story of me' drama, we learn to immediately choose to return to our true Self.

    The more we practice awareness of when we're lost in the old story, the more kindly & effortlessly we remember & re-embody our true, original Nature, the more we stabilize in embodying our original Nature, and the more difficult external circumstances need to be to pull us back into our old story of a separate adversarial self.

     Our awakened shared aliveness is the 'home' - we all look for, first in all the wrong places ie outside of ourselves - money, possessions, experiences, addictions, etc. BUT embodying who / what we truly are, always have been, and always will be is the ONLY 'place' or state that provides real, lasting, peace, satisfaction, contentment, stillness, silence, real happiness - it is our only home.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI8oH2I-iLg   

Wayne Boucher "The Well at Heaven's Gate" www.harvestgallery.ca

Practical Practice

    When is the best time to practice? NOW! Every moment of our brief life! 
    Why?
    Because we face a new reality every single moment,  
        EITHER 
with a loving, spacious response which BRINGS heaven
         OR
with a fearful contracted reaction which BRINGS hell 

    "PRACTICE" is very simple & practical:
CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSING,  
more-and-more consistently, 
moment-by-moment-by-moment-by-moment ...
to live in heaven. 
    Important details: http://www.johnlovas.com/2025/12/basic-meditation-practice.html

    Remember the old joke:
"Why do you keep banging your head against the wall?"
"Because it feels SO GOOD when I stop." 

    Each time we react adversely to anyone or anything, we reject, try to avoid, or judge as wrong the reality we face. We create completely unnecessary suffering whenever we prefer something different than "what is, right here, right now." 
    No matter how old we are, how sophisticated, educated, well-read, etc, we tend to behave like a 4-year old who gets a slightly different toy than the one s/he wanted. We may no longer have melt-downs (though most of us still do at times), but even a brief angry thought causes our body to constrict, adding to a lifetime's store of repressed fear, pain, sadness & hostility in our bodies AND conditions us to automatically react faster & stronger, further solidifying "the story of me" the fictional identity of a "self" composed of a list of likes & dislikes - Eckhart Tolle's "pain body."

    "The Great Way is not difficult
     for those who have no preferences..." Seng Ts'an

    “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor E. Frankl

    Frankl had this powerful insight in a Nazi concentration camp while starving, witnessing thousands of people being murdered daily, and anticipating his own death. He saw the wisdom in CHOSING to RESPOND from his spacious loving higher Self RATHER THAN REACT from a fearful, hateful contracted small self. 
    THIS IS OUR PRACTICE MOMENT-TO-MOMENT

    Wise people, for thousands of years have been telling us things that sound alluring yet counterintuitive:

    "Only have no preferences!"    YET we get upset over the slightest diversion from what we assume would make us happy. 

    "All shall be well,
     and all shall be well,
     and all manner of things shall be well."   Right here & now, as soon as we "see rightly" & choose wisely

    "The kingdom of God is at hand"   It's right here & now!

    "Existence is unimaginably paradoxical. It’s absolutely perfect and beautiful AND it’s a total disaster – a bloody mess, at the same time, occupying the exact same space.
    And that’s why, at least historically, at least as far as I see it, the greatest realizers that have ever walked around this place, haven’t taken their realization, hidden in a cave, and gone ‘Well good for me. I’m in heaven and that’s what I’ll do.’ They’ve generally completely dedicated themselves to the well-being of the world that they see as perfect. But I think it’s because their vision is big enough that it can hold this paradoxical vision, that it’s perfect and complete AND it’s a bloody mess, with a lot of potential. 
    Our (dualistic) minds don’t like those kinds of things. They want to know ‘Which is it?’ ‘Is it this or that?’
    Both!"  Adyashanti http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=everything+is+perfect

Eldred Allen "Epic Sunset" 2019 www.inuitartfoundation.org 

Choice, Choice, Choice ...

     We might recall traumatic events, particularly from childhood, when we helplessly endured something that even now fills us with raw anger, and perhaps we sometimes even fantasize wishing we had immediately reacted with entirely justified fury and power. 

    The toxic energy surrounding such events remains hidden, yet active in our bodies and subconscious, adversely affecting every aspect of our daily life. 

    If our life is severely compromised, we might require help from a trauma therapist. 

    But if we can function reasonably well, putting up with 'ordinary unhappiness,' then we can do 2 things to 'physically process' and gradually purge or unburden our system from these toxins. 

1)    When we're alone in a quiet, safe place, we can intentionally recall, in detail, a specific traumatic incident from our past - perhaps not the worst one to start - that even now causes us to react with anger. 
    We then resolve to allow ourselves to simply physically feel the unpleasant emotions that arise. Although we're very used to reacting to unpleasant feelings by quickly escaping, our mission now is to physically digest, as it were, this entire unpleasant plate-full ie to stay present & curious to the physical feel, as it gradually diminishes in power.  
    Just feel into it. Nothing more.
    Stay with ONLY the physical feeling - no words, no stories, etc.
    Avoid escaping into thoughts, and other distractions.  
    Feel this emotion until it looses its power over your life. You might need to re-visit this same traumatic event and do another physical processing to fully extinguish its power. 

2)    A wonderfully inspiring & useful imho interview between Christina Guimond & Angelo Dilullo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuqmDYYnLSA includes a recommendation (between 32:30 & 44:19) for a potentially very useful body-based adjunct to the above instructions, called TRE - Tension or Trauma Releasing Exercises (a simpler, self-help complement to Peter Levine's deeper, longer-term Somatic Experiencing therapy). 
    If you have Parkinson's or other neurological conditions it's prudent to consult your health-care provider before trying TRE.
    An excellent intro to TRE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoB9wpuO688

    We have the tools to unburden ourselves from all that has ever held us captive. NONE of us have time to waste by remaining timidly imprisoned by our fears. The spiritually independent path is challenging, but WE'RE HERE TO DISCOVER WHO / WHAT WE TRULY ARE and thus be able to BEHAVE like SPIRITUALLY MATURE, RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEINGS.