Starting the Hero's Journey

    I boldly suggest that each one of us is on our own individual hero's journey, and will complete it in this lifetime, or after an unknown number of lifetimes. Most of us don't seem to be in any hurry, however, completion - awakening - does eliminate tremendous amounts of needless suffering. 

     In the forward, Angelo DiLullo dedicates his valuable guidebook to awakening with, "to anyone who, from this moment forward, is willing to forgo comfort and predictability to venture into the unknown in the name of truth." We do love our comforts and can quickly get very upset if our wifi is unexpectedly lost for a few minutes.

        “… we live in a society of endless distractions and any of these can be used to avoid discomfort. Well, when we take up an investigation of our deepest truths, we are voluntarily putting ourselves in situations that, by nature, make it hard to distract ourselves. As we do this, we will often notice some discomfort. Sometimes it is a mild uneasiness. Other times it might feel more intense. Either way it can be tremendously helpful to simply acknowledge the discomfort. ‘Okay, I am feeling uncomfortable. What is it like? What does it feel like in my body at this moment? Do I have to do something to immediately distract myself like my thoughts or habits suggest, or can I just be with it?’ You might be surprised. What you’ve been running from for years might turn out to be tolerable, even enjoyable after a time.

    ‘The ultimate measure of a human being is not where he stands in moments of comfort & convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.’ 

    Martin Luther King Jr. 

 

    Perhaps you can only sit with the discomfort for a few minutes at first, and that’s perfectly acceptable. Over time you will start to recognize that you have an innate capacity to relax into whatever the body is feeling in the moment. With this relaxation, you may notice an alchemical process. The restlessness & discomfort will begin to transform into an experience of presence & wholeness. An intuitive realization might dawn – the discomfort itself was not what was making us distractible, restless, & irritable. These were only side effects of the habitual activity of running from our emotions. With this realization, we start to recognize that there is intelligence in discomfort. It is like a messenger telling you, ‘Look here!’ This will begin to replace the old habit pattern that seems to say, ‘Run away!’ As we experientially recognize our capacity to sit with these processes, a certain spontaneous willingness begins to emerge. We see that by voluntarily opening to the intelligence of these uncomfortable moments, we are simply acknowledging what is already within us. We recognize that to run from these experiences is to run from ourselves. We’ve done that for too long, haven’t we? All that running is what is causing our suffering. This separation from ourselves is what perpetuates that sense of separation from others, and from life itself.

    You will find (awakening) to be the adventure of all adventures. 

    BUT if it’s not your priority at this time in life, then by all means, put it aside and pursue what most authentically moves you. This book will always be available if you choose to return and readdress this matter. There is no judgement from me or the Universe. If you genuinely feel that it is your path to be an exceptional parent and raise a family, then that is exactly what you should be doing. If you want to throw yourself fully into art or music, then that is exactly what you should do. If you feel genuinely moved to pursue a life of scientific investigation, then by all means go do that. This is your life, so doing what feels most authentic and relevant to you regardless of social expectation is what will be most fulfilling."
    Angelo DiLullo MD. “Awake. It’s Your Turn.” 2021. VALUABLE GUIDEBOOK

    After my awakening experience, "everything changed. Everything changed. What really stunned me, I was in the middle of really a lot of turmoil in my personal life at the time and literally an hour before my awakening, there were all the problems I was dealing with in my life, and an hour later there was no problem anymore. And this has absolutely nothing to do with the denying of facts. This is not about denying that things are not working, or that it’s some kind of inertia or lack of action or downplaying or denying the reality of the situation. It’s because the narrative drops. When the narrative – the thought-created narrative – is not there, then you actually get to have a very clear view of the situation, rather than overshadowed by the narrative. There was a situation, I can tell you with certainty that happened following this awakening, that would have been really shocking, really painful and devastating, had it happened before that awakening. I would have been devastated. It would have broken me. It would have broken me. And yet here I was, in that situation, dealing with it with such clarity and grace that I never thought I would be capable of. I was completely stunned by the lack of drama that I know otherwise would be there. Was there pain? Yes. Was there shock? Yes. But there was such clarity of perception and knowing how to navigate this situation that really was both personal and impersonal at the same time. It even stunned Michael (Neill – my teacher at the time) because when I told him that, he went very quiet. He was speechless because he got to hear what I witnessed and the details of what was so shocking and painful, and when I then told him how I dealt with it and shared with him how I saw everything, he himself went quiet and he said, wow, unbelievable, even I think I would lose it in the same situation.” 
    Angelo DiLullo “Academics to Awakening! - Interview with Maggie” 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvqlmackJN0  

    "If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is: Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern." William Blake  

Leonard Cohen - "What Happens to the Heart?"

My small self OR the Divine OR ...

     From my earliest childhood memories, I've sensed a wise, loving, guiding presence in my life. As an adult, I thought that somehow I'd forgotten who exactly this powerful influence on me was - perhaps my Dad, my favorite aunt or some other kind individual. This sense arose almost certainly before "individuating" into my small separate self.  
    Nevertheless, I maintained the connection to this relationship, understanding that my mind was not enough, that I needed all of my intelligences to deal with the challenges of daily life. So here I was assuming that this was something like intuition, perhaps bodily way of knowing, or even some spiritual connection to animals or nature.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us." Marianne Williamson

    When I was 50 or so, I had the insight that a key spiritual shift was the realization that instead of desperately needing love, our very nature can somehow transform, and spiritually turn inside out, becoming the source of love. 

    “In my world love is the only law.  
     I do not ask for love, I give it.”                     Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

 
    Then, facilitating Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) courses, I would talk about each of us having both a "Hurt Inner Child" as well as a "Wise Grandparent" sub-personality or 'part' (Internal Family Systems {IFS}). When the Hurt Child in us is triggered & upset, the Wise Grandparent in us can see the bigger picture and bring loving comfort.

    This morning, while listening to Helen Hamilton's wise nondual teaching (below), I realized after almost 8 decades of wondering, that the mysterious presence from my early childhood was, is, and will be "Self" - the aspect of our unique personhood that is one with the transpersonal Divine. This is love, the life force that animates us and all phenomena as well as the unseen. 

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, 
we find it hitched 
to everything else in the universe." 
John Muir

 

    Recognizing nonduality is said to be as challenging as it is for fish to recognize the water in which they live. Water is everywhere outside & inside the fish, it's what they are, it's taken for granted, and therefore "hidden in plain sight" - almost undetectable. And yet, the difference in one's quality of life as one shifts from dualism to increasingly seeing from a nondualistic perspective is indescribable. Here is Angelo DiLullo's story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OKU-3-jXAA

    Below, Helen Hamilton provides guidance in self-inquiry to help discern who/what we truly are, which is also "hidden in plain sight" - almost undetectable.

Helen Hamilton: “Cutting Through Illusion with the Sword of Discernment!"

 

Old Stories - OR - Directly Experiencing Reality

    I resonate with the nondual teachings of people like Lisa Cairns, Helen Hamilton, Gangaji, Angelo DiLullo, Henry Shukman, Louise Kay, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, Richard Rohr, James Finley, Rami Shapiro, David Steindl-Rast, Norman Fischer, Rumi, Rainer Maria Rilke, etc.

    "I believe that, whatever we’re going to call it – God, Kali or whatever – is a nondual Reality. I don’t believe that there’s a God separate from Nature, who created the world, who judges us, and all that. I’m not a dualist. I’m a nondualist. And so I’m interested in the nondual aspects of Hinduism and Vedanta, in Taoism and Zen, Christianity, Islam, wherever – they all have this nondual perspective among their mystics. I’m interested in that. I will play in all those arenas, because I think they’re all leading us to the same ineffable experience. When you’re talking about that nondual reality, the labels are irrelevant. And I mean, every religious tradition has this mystic element. And because the mystics understand that - God or whatever they’re going to call it - can be experienced directly, in, with, & as you. And I’m interested in that experience. But that’s not what the conventional religious teachers tell you."
    Rami Shapiro "CHALLENGING BELIEFS: Are You a VICTIM of Spiritual Misguidance?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rZLlvXFQ7k 

 
    "The final stage of love is nondual love, or love before division, or love before separation. Love where there is no person or thing to love. There is just love recognizing itself. So, when love looks at something, that love sees itself in a different disguise. It doesn’t see a person or a thing, only recognizes itself."
    Helen Hamilton – “The Pathway of Love” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWkkmLx1G6Y 

    “Vigilance is awareness of what does not disappear even when objects appear. Whether those objects are exquisite or horrible or mundane, always there is awareness aware of itself. Whether those objects are emotional or mental or physical, always there is awareness aware of itself.  
    Pure vigilance must be an ease of recognition; otherwise, there is doing vigilance, and this is already not vigilant. When you hear this thought, Now I am going to do vigilance, ask yourself, ‘Who’ is doing vigilance? This is direct self-inquiry. You will see that it is quite natural to be aware of passing objects as well as aware of what is aware of both passing objects and itself. 
     It is a mistaken understanding that implies vigilance to be a burden. The real burden is the denial of your beingness as awareness itself. The idea that vigilance is a burden comes from the concept of spiritual practice. You are admonished to practice. ‘You have to keep your practice.’ 
    I don’t know what the word practice is translated from, but it is a bad translation, because in English practice means some kind of preparation for a real event. You practice for the football game. You practice for your recital. So I don’t use the word practice in terms of vigilance. I am talking about being vigilance. Be that right now. You are that already. Recognize yourself as that, and be vigilant to your true nature. Then see. Without looking for anything, see. 
    In Western culture, particularly in America, we are trained to know what is going to be ahead and to attempt to make it be what we want it to be. This is why there is so much suffering here, trying to force life to be something based on a particular concept. Then we search for agreement with that concept and fight any disagreement of that concept. Even if we are victorious in our fight, we are left unsatisfied, unfulfilled. 
    Wait and see doesn’t necessarily mean you sit on your couch and never move. It also doesn’t necessarily mean that you get off your couch and move. It is much deeper than that. An active life can be lived as vigilance, and an inactive life can be lived as vigilance. 
    There will be many insights. There will be many revelations and deepening experiences. In the midst of it all, be vigilant to what has not moved, what has always been whole, what has always been radiant & unpolluted. There will be even deeper insights. Enjoy them as they come, wave them good-bye as they pass, and be vigilant to what has not moved, what has not been lost by the experience of loss, and what has not been augmented by the experience of gain. 
    Be vigilance. The deepest joy of the human experience is to be vigilant. It is not a task. It is bliss itself. A bliss that is awake & vigilant to what never moves, to what is always present. Be that. Then you will see that this entity called your lifetime unfolds exquisitely, as a flower unfolds. As it begins to die, it will die exquisitely, as a flower dies. You don’t need to dip it in wax so that it will stay forever at a certain stage. Death is not the enemy. Fear of death is the enemy. Fear of death is the result of the misidentification of yourself as some particular entity. Your true identification is the sky of being.”
    Gangaji. “Freedom and Resolve. Finding Your True Home in the Universe.” Hampton Roads, 2014. VALUABLE little book!

 

    May this guided nondual (30 minute) meditation help you feel into, remember & re-experience deep calm, homecoming & peace - that you (& everyone & everything) already are, have always been, & will always be: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkhrKy4FStE

 

    “Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. 
     ... live in the question.” Rainer Maria Rilke

 

 

Reality Beyond Words

     From before recorded history, mystics in the form of shamans, medicine women & men, sages, saints, alchemists, various varieties of artists, and most recently quantum physicists have been pointing out how reality is INFINITELY greater and FAR more complex than we can describe, or even imagine. 
    Our mind filters out (blocks from our consciousness) most of our perceptions, to prevent us from being overwhelmed, thus allowing us to focus only on what's necessary for survival. So our mind is both an information 'receiver', and a 'reducing valve.' 

    Our society's mindset has become far too narrowly, self-destructively, self-centered - using Iain McGilchrist's profound understanding, 'Left-hemisphere dominant': http://www.johnlovas.com/2024/03/knockin-on-heavens-door.html Our current mindset is 'Unwise' both in terms of secular academic wisdom research, http://www.johnlovas.com/2021/06/loads-of-information-some-knowledge.html as well as humanity's timeless wisdom traditions. 
    Wisdom traditions can be compared to politics. Many politicians put self-interest & their own party's success, ahead of the welfare of their country. Such "partisanship" - a form of individual & group narcissism - is tearing the US apart. However, some politicians are decent mature human beings, who take their job seriously, primarily serve their country's, & ideally the world's, best interests. Wisdom traditions, taken seriously, guide practitioners toward ethical behavior, unconditional love of self & others, and the capacity to gracefully navigate life's most difficult existential challenges. Like politics, religions (both often working as one) have a shameful history of incompetence, corruption & criminal behavior. Nevertheless, both politics and wisdom traditions - when taken seriously - are vital & irreplaceable for a deeply meaningful life.
    Clearly both individuals and society have a duty to deeply care for, to wisely nurture, themselves & each other. 

    It takes a certain type of intelligence to quickly become a billionaire, to become a populist dictator, to become a wealthy slum lord, or 'succeed' in any other criminal activity. But to mature into a peaceful, generous, collaborative, loving, nurturing human being requires a rare & infinitely more precious quality: wisdom. 
    Our society has almost completely forgotten about the value, or even the meaning of wisdom. As a result, we're democratically electing an increasing number of world leaders who have all the attributes & more of Batman-movie villains, but none of the attributes of wise leaders such as: Mahatma Gandhi, Václav Havel, Nelson Madela, Jacinda Ardern, etc.

    We MUST re-educate ourselves about, and individually & collectively embody wisdom in order to heal our broken Earth so that our children, grandchildren and as yet unborn future generations can survive & even thrive. 

    A senior nondual teacher - Tony Parsons - points us towards wisdom which is nondual. Our dualistic minds find nonduality paradoxical at best. The most highly spiritually-evolved mystics & saints of all our wisdom traditions have always lived & pointed toward nondual wisdom, BUT even their own 'conservative' religious institutions have been systematically persecuting & murdering them out of fear, ignorance & jealousy. 
    HOWEVER, we're NOW at the tipping point where the hubris of our common dualistic 'cleverness' MUST evolve, or more accurately, shift into nondual wisdom before humanity extinguishes itself. 
    This provides some sense of the direction in which Parsons is pointing: 

    “It seems that in the boundless energy that is oneness there can also arise a contracted energy which brings about apparent self-awareness. A powerful and convincing sense of self-identity seems to arise together with a belief in personal free will and choice in what is experienced as a real life story. All of these personal experiences can only apparently arise in what seems to be a very real but dualistic reality in which everything appears to be separate. This sense of separation can bring with it a sense of loss and a need to seek guidance, an understanding or a path or process that can promise fulfillment. There are attempts to seek unity which are totally futile because the separate seeker is apparently the very dualism from which it is trying to escape.” 
    Tony Parsons https://www.theopensecret.com/ 

 

      “What goes on in these (Tony Parsons) meetings is not so much to do with conceptual clarity. It is to do with an energetic shift, it’s to do with energy. Basically, the energy of being separate is contraction. At a very early age there’s a contraction of energy into a sense of a center, ‘I’m “me.” Oh! Now I’m “me”!’ Basically, the apparent separate individual in the dream is in the contracted state – ‘I’m in here, this is my boundary, and everything else is out there.’ And it can seem threatening, or not. 
    So what happens in these meetings and, interestingly, directly after them, is that somewhere that contraction meets boundlessness. That boundlessness isn’t anyone’s; it’s just boundlessness. The speaker is speaking to itself. The speaker is meeting nothing and speaking to nothing. So conceptually, there can be a clarity about that. The most powerful thing in these meetings is that the contracted state can open out into boundlessness. It’s an energetic shift.” 
    John David interviews Tony Parsons in 2007 • Wisdom of the European Masters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvokZJjemfg

 
    “What we’re talking about here is just an energy that can’t be known. The energy of empty fullness. It’s a mystery. It can’t be understood. I use the word energy as everything. All there is, is energy. All there is, is everything and anything. For me energy is a good word, it’s like aliveness. All there is, is aliveness or energy. This is it. 
    This is energy in the form of a room, people, breathing, thinking, feeling, sitting on a chair. It’s simply energy happening. And that energy is absolutely boundless. Nothing influences it. It’s completely free and wild. It appears as everything and nothing. It’s a mystery. 
    And because it’s free, it has no purpose or meaning. There’s no meaning to any of this. This aliveness is utterly, wonderfully, meaningless. 
    But because it’s free energy, it can also be limited. And so in its apparent limited form, nothing is real, everything is only an appearance. In its apparent limited form, what arises in the human being is a self-awareness. At a very early age after birth, suddenly, there’s a sense of self-awareness – a sense of ‘me,’ ‘I am real.’ And that child goes into the world full of other apparent individuals, who also feel that they are real, so it lives, in what I call, ‘a dream.’ It lives in a dream of you could say, of ‘dualism.’ He’s in the dream of being separate. I am a separate individual. The world is something that’s happening to me. So that sense of awareness keeps me separate from everything. That wouldn’t necessarily be recognized by most people, but that’s actually what happens. That’s the dream state of individualism. Most people in the world you could say feel as if that is absolutely real, being a separate individual in the world. 
    What’s being suggested here is that that whole idea, that whole sense of being separate, and being individual, and having free will and choice, and living in a story that seems to be real - all of that is a complete & utter dreamt illusion. Most people think it’s real, but what’s being suggested here is that it’s an illusion, and there’s something else, another possibility which completely explodes the whole idea of individuality or separation.

    So we could talk about how the individual seems to take form, what it’s like, all the belief systems it collects around itself to believe in its life and its story. We could talk about that. And it’s possible, that in just talking about it conceptually, and hearing a few suggestions that come from somewhere else, it’s possible that that whole belief system of separation, that whole belief system of individuality of awareness, can unravel. It may not. 
    But the other thing that can happen is, where there’s an openness to something that’s beyond the sense of self, when there’s an openness to another possibility – a terrible possibility, but a possibility nonetheless. There could be something energetic that’s very freeing and boundless about that energy, and then, the contracted energy of being the self can melt or fall back into that whole, because the contracted energy is also oneness. Contracted energy is also the boundless in the contracted form. 
    There is nothing that is right or wrong. There’s nothing above or below. There’s nothing that’s here or there. There just is what is and is not. That’s the mystery we’re talking about. And again, it cannot be known. So what you will go away from here is with absolutely nothing at all. There’s nothing to learn or understand about what we’re discussing here. But something could possibly apparently collapse – but only apparently collapse. It’s the restricted feeling of being an individual in the world that’s separate.

    This is not a teaching. There’s nothing to learn. It’s just a communication. It’s an illumination of what seems to be the human condition, and a suggestion that something else that’s completely beyond that but somehow by confronting can also unveil liberation. But you can’t do anything about it. The you that thinks you can do something about it simply can pour water and benefits. Yeah, it’s this. It’s this. It’s nowhere else, it’s this.

    Q: When the contracted sense of separate self falls away, are there any physical manifestations that you or others can notice?

    Tony Parsons (TP): No, not necessarily. The physical thing that can happen when the whole contracted sense of being a ‘me’ collapses – but only apparently collapses – the body relaxes, because all the time in there’s a sense of me, and the me is trying to maintain its image in the world, who’s trying to play the game of the world, so there’s a lot of tension and fear involved in that, which suddenly falls away, so there’s a relaxation. Noticing that there’s a lot more energy, just available, not to anyone, because it takes a lot of energy to be a ‘me’ in the world, to try to make that illusion work.

    Q: I’m here to ... – I’m probably wrong,

    TP: There is no wrong.

    Q: OK, I’m looking for something

    TP: You’re looking for a better experience

    Q: No actually, I wondering if I’m looking in the right direction

    TP: There isn’t one. So seekers, people come here, apparently come here, seeking a better experience or a different way of living for themselves which will support and bring them a better experience of life. That isn’t available here. This is about death. It’s about the end of that which seeks to find a better experience. This is about the death of that which feels it is separate that’s what can go on here. But there’s no one that can do anything about that.

    Q: So what is the point?

    TP: There is no point. This is a meeting which is absolutely, completely, pointless. It’s of no value to the seeker at all.

    Q: Will it make someone’s life better?

    TP: No it won’t. It won’t make your life better. First of all, it will point out what you may hear, that you don’t have a life, and so the whole idea of your life could be better by being here completely collapses.

    Q: Will I be a better person? 

    TP: No, you certainly won’t be a better person. If anything, you’ll be a bit worse. You won’t be anything. What possibly could happen is the sudden collapse of the idea that there is anyone to be anything or to get anywhere. It’s the collapse of the whole sense or illusion that you are someone, who by applying a certain principle or process, can reach somewhere called ‘be better.’ There isn’t a better or worse. There isn’t an inner or outer. There isn’t an upper or lower. There is only what is. This is what is. This is what is and what is not. It is and it isn’t. It’s empty performance. It’s a mystery, and you’ll never understand it. I don’t. It can’t be known.” 
    Tony Parsons – London, June 2018 https://www.theopensecret.com/ (ABOVE first 12 minutes, BELOW remainder of 2hr mostly Q&A)

Major Transitions

     After achieving enough of the goals we hoped would make us permanently happy, and being disappointed; deeply experiencing constant change, sickness, aging & death of loved ones; experiencing various forms of trauma from life's all-you-can-bear buffet of suffering; so after having our fill of every form of needless suffering, more & more of us are waking up from the collective dreamlike illusion of humanity. Inevitably we all awaken to our authentic Self, our True Nature.

    One of those who's awakened and is sharing her experience is Lisa Cairns. Here's her overview of awakening from dualism - the almost universal illusion of being a separate adversarial entity, and returning home to nonduality (Oneness, Self, True Nature, Divinity, Love, Silence, Stillness, Emptiness, Universal Consciousness, Brahman, Tao, YHWH, God, Source, etc):

    “Nonduality, you could say, is an energetic movement from being separated, from being a limitation, to being unlimited. Most people in this society believe that they are a separate entity that is walking through a separate world. And what that means is that they believe that they are the thoughts about themselves and the feelings they feel about themselves, rather than their actual experience. And the actual experience is nondual. 
    What we’re speaking about here isn’t theoretical. It’s actually something that can be experienced and is experienced when you’re not veiled by the illusion of thoughts.

    But most people walk around believing that they are their story. So their story might be that they’re 21 years old, they’re from Berlin, they have a nice car, they grew up in a family with 5 children, their name is Enid, they dislike bumblebees, love going to the beach, and they love music. So they believe all these things about themselves. And most people are trying to inflate that story. They’re trying to grow their sense of self and create a bigger sense of self. 
    In psychology they talk about getting a 'healthy ego.' It's actually a really good thing to have a healthy ego. But most people in our society are just trying to grow what they believe themselves to be, and make it better & better & better. That’s (a 'noisy ego) certainly not a healthy ego. And they believe they are their feelings and they’ve got no separation from it. So if they feel angry, they see that as reality. So if they feel angry with someone, they don’t notice that they’re feeling angry with someone, what they think is that the other person has done something to make them angry ('defensive projection'). They don’t have any separation from it. 
    So this is how most people walk around in our society that they are their body-mind mechanism and they’re the story that they tell themselves and then throughout the day, they’re mostly lost in what they’re thinking about. So they’re thinking about themselves or others, and most of what they’re thinking about is actually problems and how to solve problems, because that is actually the mechanism of the mind, but it just gets overworked like over-flexing a muscle, so it just becomes too big and it’s kind of finding problems everywhere. So most people believe they are their story. 

    But if you can sort of fall out of that story, some people name it in a way which I find very poetic and beautiful. It’s like ‘fall through the gaps, the silence in between your thoughts.’ There can be a whole new reality discovered, where you discover that you’re not that person that you think yourself to be, but you’re actually this vast, unnamable, unlimited consciousness – not personal consciousness, but a big consciousness, as well as this being, this alive presence, this consciousness and this presence. And this consciousness and presence isn’t limited to anything. It’s not limited by a name that you give anything, or a thought, or an idea, or a feeling you have about anything."
    Lisa Cairns “Most people don’t see this one thing and REMAIN STUCK for years!!!!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rrEtrU8OQk

    Here's a partial transcript (first 20 minutes) from one of her Lisa's valuable videos, addressing the question, “What happens when (after awakening) the 'old you' has died, but the 'new you' has not (yet) arrived?”:

    “That’s such a bizarre concept: 'What happens when the old you dies?' So who is this old you that died? This is something that people often feel, that the old you has died. But who is that? Who is this you that’s died? You may think, ‘well me, this person I thought I was, and this person has died and then this new person hasn’t taken place. The story might go, ‘I got into spirituality, and then through getting into spirituality, this character changed and it changed in ways which aren’t recognizable and I don’t really know who I am anymore.’

    So let’s break down, first of all, what people think themselves to be. Most people think themselves to be a name, a body, past events and future events, what they’ve done, their choices, their decisions in this life, their behaviors, their wants & not wants, their relationships ie being a mother, father, daughter, sister, grandparent. And they believe that all of that is who they are. So that’s maybe something that we can describe, in time, about the supposed character, but it’s not who you are, not nearly who you are. 
    So most humans believe, that that person I’ve just described, is looking through the eyes now, and experiencing other people. But how can that person be looking through the eyes now, when everything you say about yourself is an imagination? So if you fell off your bike, bumped your head, had memory loss, and you forgot all these things, would you still be you? If you took drugs and forgot who you were when you were on drugs, would you still be you? And I feel that most people would unanimously say, 'Yes, I would still be me.' But yet they believe that who they are is a story looking through their eyes. That’s not true. 
    So right now, you’re dreaming a character. You’re dreaming a life, and you believe that character is the experiencer. This is where suffering arises, from the mis-identification that who you are is a story in time, rather than the radical presence which is experiencing now, and is prior to the story in time.

    And what you might notice about the story about you, the story of you, of this character in time, is that it’s a lot of who you think yourself to be is about what you want or don’t want. It’s about wants and seeking. So you’ve got two different forms of wants: natural wants and seeking wants. And the seeking wants are what make identity. And the seeking wants are wants where there is attachment to them. And attachment is the belief that these wants will free me in time. ('promissory materialism')
    So it could be, ‘If I get enough money, I will be able to be free. I will relax.’ So, we’re always waiting for that moment of relaxation. But the relaxation is your nature. It is what’s watching the dream. It’s that which is prior to the character. But the character is looking for that relaxation in its story of itself, which it can never complete. 
    And what actually makes the illusory you is this attachment (desire, clinging) to the wants. It’s a really funky phenomenon that happens, where the consciousness, the wants, and the ‘I am’ all get squished together, so it feels like somebody is inside the body. 
    And that happens through seeking – through the belief that your freedom, that what you’re looking for, that your home, that deep rest, that peace comes from a future event, or is taken away from you in a future or past event. And that forms this illusory ‘you.’ It sort of makes consciousness and the feeling of ‘I am,’ which are impersonal and prior to the illusory story of you, feel like they belong to the illusory story of you. And then this illusion manifests, and if feels like there is illusory you that owns consciousness and owns beingness and is walking around separate in this world.

    But when that story begins to be challenged, and waking up begins, all your desires and seeking patterns begin to change. So everything about you begins to change. What you held as important, becomes less important. What you spent your time doing to try and achieve something, you maybe have less interest in. You maybe have less interest in socializing and presenting to everyone a particular story about yourself. 
    And so everything in which you thought was you, and navigated your life by, begins to dissolve. And this can often be like and called ‘walking through the dessert.’ You no longer have these seeking desires, and yet there’s nothing which replaces that, and you’re still not feeling the bliss or freedom. So there’s this discontent and nothing in the life seems to make you feel contented. Whatever you look for doesn’t feel like it’s it. So it’s described like Jesus walking through the dessert for 40 days. It’s described as a dessert where everything’s dry, and you don’t have a direction, because in the past your direction was seeking and yet you don’t fully hear what could be called God’s will or natural intuition, your natural wants or desires. (You're experiencing a spiritual 'dry spell.')
    So isn’t this like a deeper movement happening? ... a good thing to do is to evoke bhakti – evoke the loving, compassionate side of nonduality, and know that this is part of the process, the apparent process, and happens to many, and that it will, like everything, pass. And there won’t be a new you that arises or arrives. ... that seeking you will dissolve more and more, and the character will become more authentically itself, and then you could call that being more authentically yourself, like God’s will appearing. God is speaking through you, rather than you as a separate person doing something. 
    So there’s this flow that takes over. And ironically, that flow feels naturally, organically yourself. It doesn’t feel like some alien has taken over your body and moving you as if you were a marionette. It feels like yourself acting because you are God (unitive mystical experience). So it feels like the most intimate sense of you moving everything, not some bizarre foreign entity, but it’s without the second. It’s without that separation. It’s spontaneous. It’s natural. There’s not that second which is controlling or owning or trying to get something for itself.”
    Lisa Cairns https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMX5X3HFIzY

 

Lisa Cairns “What happens when the 'old you' has died, but the 'new you' has not arrived?”

Toward Intimacy

    "To be enlightened is to be intimate with all things." Zen Master Dogen  

    Enlightenment and Awakening are usually used to mean the same thing: experiencing reality directly, without the illusion of separation from everything, seen and unseen. 

     Intimacy implies direct, real-time connection and engagement, without any interference. Example: witnessing a beautiful scene in nature so that in the moment, we're 'lost for words' and can vividly remember it 60 years later. I witnessed such a clear starry night sky around midnight when I went outside after studying in first year university. Perhaps more important than the perceived, because I've seen & forgotten hundreds of clear starry night skies, was the letting go (from fatigue) of continuous thinking & self-talk, and then suddenly facing nature's splendor without words getting in the way.

    To be immersed, with all our senses innocently open, in an experience and rest in it, simply savouring without separating ourselves from the physical, full-body sensory 'isness' with our words, ideas, opinions, commentary, is a rare, brief phenomenon lasting seconds. Most of us are deeply conditioned by our materialistic, hyper-rational culture, and thus completely identified with the continuous running commentary 'story of me,' so letting that go can feel like voluntary ego death.
    A key component of meditation is practicing to rest in awareness with mental, emotional & physical stillness & silence continuously, for longer & longer periods of time. So we're not forming opinions or judgments, but remaining equanimous - emotionally neutral, stable, all our senses open, peacefully, intimately connected to everything right here, right now. 

    During meditation “you are not escaping the world; you are getting ready to fully embrace it.” Christine Skarda

     “Love is the quality of attention we pay to things.” J.D. McClatchy

    “There are only two ways to live your life.
     One is as though nothing is a miracle.
     The other is as though
     everything is a miracle.”         Albert Einstein

    Most of us are usually continuously lost in self-talk, which rarely has anything to do with present experience. So at best, we're partially engaged with whomever or whatever we're doing ie nowhere near intimacy. Our mood depends on the degree to which the world of our self-talk clashes with our present moment reality. In this all-too typical scenario, we're too busy to stop to smell the roses, and would assume nothing in life is a miracle.

    Our self-talk is essentially our opinions about past or future events. Our opinions are strikingly less detailed & variably distorted compared to actual events. So imagine being free of self-talk, how much more vivid, detailed, accurate & 'engaging' our appreciation of everyone & everything would be. I suspect the difference would be akin to a falling-down drunk becoming completely sober. Life would appear miraculously rich.

    Spiritual practices to facilitate Awakening include Self-Inquiry eg asking ourselves 'Who is suffering?' and then progressively going deeper & deeper than our name, age, sex, address, occupation, etc, etc, until finally we might wordlessly feel into our 'original face before our parents were born.' Persistent open mind / hearted curiosity and sequentially letting go of 'easy rational answers' is key, as we go deeper & deeper to remember our own and everyone & everything else's Origin.

    Below, is an imho very worthwhile 14-minute 'direct pointing' to help us remember who we truly are. Watch this short video at least twice:

  Angelo Dilullo: "Awakening - What is It and How to Do It"