Resilience

    We need resilience now more than ever. Here's Michael Neill's advice:

    "The conventional idea of resilience was our ability to bounce back from problems, bad situations, traumas, things like that. ‘Battered but not broken.’ ‘Sadder but wiser.’ I never loved it, because I don’t know if I want to be sadder but wiser. Can I just be happy and dumb? There are all sorts of lovely metaphors, ‘You can push something under water, but it’ll always rise back up to the surface.’ I don’t discount any of that. That is our nature.

    But for me, what makes us resilient is our ability to start from scratch any time, in any moment, to literally have a fresh start every day if we want, every hour if we want.

    Not, ‘Oh, I’ve got to start again!’ but that capacity to begin each day from a blank page, instead of as the next page in an ongoing novel of problems, suffering, despair and trauma. Now, of course we have those too. But if I’m carrying 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years of past problems, and I’m groaning how ‘I’m resilient, I can carry this load,’ that’s very different from knowing that I can live today free from that. I can start today without my backpack of rocks. That capacity to me is our innate resilience. That ability to start from scratch, to get a fresh start in any moment, to literally begin each day, each moment as good as new.

    The other thing is that 'battered & bruised but wiser.' I sometimes use the metaphor of a mirror. 
    A mirror can be reflecting horror, horrific things for years and years and years. But the mirror is untouched. It’s as good as new. And if the next thing that comes in front of the mirror is beautiful, the mirror will reflect beauty. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 50 years reflecting something else. And that’s just built into the nature of the mirror. Well, we’re like that. We are, as best as I understand, pure consciousness in form.

    Another metaphor I use is people think of themselves as the person on the ground, getting either rained on, or the sun is shining. And you hope for more sunshiny days than rainy days in your life. But it seems to me that we’re the sky, like we are the place within which weather happens.

    And so, yeah, there’ll be rainy days and I don’t think the sky minds that there are rainy days, because the sky is still the sky. I don’t think the sky minds if there are a lot of clouds on some days. We all have cloudy days. ‘Rainy days and Mondays,’ right? But the sky doesn’t mind because the Sun’s still there, just sometimes we don’t see it for a little while. But we know it’s there. There’s never been a police report filed for a missing Sun. 
    In the same way, if we start to get our innate spark, our innate intelligence, our responsiveness, our creativity, our sense of fun, our sense of play, they never go anywhere. They’re like the Sun. Sometimes they’re in evidence, sometimes they’re not, but they’re powering the system the whole time.” 
    Powerful Insights are Found in the Present Moment: Michael Neill Interview 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ssz_sz2mLA8

    Some will automatically dismiss all of the above as wishful, even delusional thinking.
    One major reason for such pessimism is that some (like me in the past) not just habitually consider, but envision (and dream!!) worst case scenarios in excruciatingly vivid detail. The logic is to be prepared, to never be caught off guard. And when anything less terrible happens, we're lucky!
    This is not only a sadly common, pessimistic view of life, but detailed imaginings (thoughts) of worst case scenarios have the exact same damaging effects on us as if we actually lived through them. Strange but true, it's very difficult to let go of a lifetime habit of pessimism. Pessimists tend to feel arrogantly superior eg "Well, I hate to be the devil's advocate, but ...."

    "Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?" Marshall B. Rosenberg

    Pessimists usually continue to cling to 'being right' even though their bleak attitude causes them, and people around them, unhappiness.

    “One of the greatest misconceptions ever is the belief that … ‘It takes years to find wisdom.’ Many experience time, few experience wisdom. The achievement of mental stability and peace of mind is one thought (insight) away from everyone on earth … if you can find that one thought. 
     Throughout time, human beings have experienced insights that spontaneously and completely changed their behavior and their lives, bringing them happiness they previously had thought impossible. 
    Finding wisdom has nothing to do with time.
    Achieving mental stability is a matter of finding healthy thoughts from moment to moment. Such thoughts can be light years or a second away.”  
    Sydney Banks, "The Missing Link: Reflections on Philosophy and Spirit.” Lone Pine Publishing, 1998.

    Michael Neill's teachings are based on the Sydney Banks' awakening experience & subsequent teachings & books, which are imho very worth a deep immersion, which realistically very few readers will take the time to do. Many of those who have thoroughly acquainted themselves have benefited greatly.

    Here is 1 useful & important introductory talk: 
Sydney Banks “The Insight” (2006) 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxQ6qsPgSsc

    Delve deeper: 

    Here are 4 talks that nicely summarize his teachings:
Sydney Banks Oahu, Hawaii 2001 PARTS 1-4: https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=Sydney+Banks+Oahu%2C+Hawaii+2001

Sydney Banks “The Insight” (2006)

Feel Better, Be Better, Do Better

      I feel better when I sense that my life is improving in meaningful ways. This usually involves intentionally venturing out beyond my comfort zone.
     But the ego's only purpose is survival & reproduction, & resists everything else. And remaining in one's self-centered comfort zone is easy, familiar, cruise-control, highway-hypnosis. This is the land of the walking dead which most of us inhabit as our default mode.
     When - and only when - we intentionally, consciously, bravely step beyond this 'comfort zone' into the learning zone - 'the river of change,' a slightly scary 'liminal space' of infinite possibilities - are we truly actively living, creative, growing & maturing in exciting, meaningful ways!

     We drastically underestimate how profoundly meaningful & wonderful life can be and the fact that we CAN experience profound joy, peace, contentment, silence, timelessness, stillness, etc.
     Perhaps we first have to realize that there is only one real power - LOVE. The more completely we are filled with unconditional love, the more alive, energized, authentic, whole, real we are.
     Mostly, we anxiously anticipate one nightmarish future after another. We FULLY experience such worst-case scenarios as if they were really happening because our bodies cannot differentiate between events in our imagination vs reality. We endure the fires of hell mostly because of our fear (catastrophizing).

     “My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes – most of which have never happened.” Mark Twain

     “… it takes a bit of meditative presence to be with what is – just as it is – without being distracted by all the evaluations & comments that habitually arise about our situation. We suffer more from our stories than from the actual situation as it is.” Toni Packer

     So our negativity bias, deficit-framing & probable history of various traumas keeps our survival emotions going as if we were victims of an endless horrible emergency. Drowning in survival emotions: lust, competition, guilt, shame, fear, doubt, anger, hate, judgment - is grossly inappropriate in civilized society, where usually only our ego tends to get bruised (too easily). The long-term effect of being chronically flooded with survival emotions is not only social isolation, but also physical & mental illness.

     BUT IF we can repeatedly remind ourselves of our true nature, our outlook will be FAR MORE wise & optimistic with elevated emotions, using asset-framing, letting go of 'the story of me,' and focusing on our aspirations. Our elevated emotion of love, and closely-related empathy, nurturing, collaboration, peace, equanimity, joy, etc brings about an entirely different state of being and associated improved social relationships, physical & mental health.
     Joe Dispenza. "Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon." Hay House, 2019. POWERFUL

     "Resilience also requires love made manifest, love incarnated in all of its forms. In its call to the spirit, many of us have seen these images – a young child who walks alone across the border to tell the story of what happened to his family; a young 12 year old girl, singing at night in the subway to a crowded subway, which is a bomb shelter, and lifting their spirits with that connection. It is so inspiring, at these moments, to feel that palpable love in the world.
     We are releasing something that is extraordinary in this moment. A hundred and forty-one countries at the United Nations said to Russia, “No, that is not right. That is not the way to go.“ So have you also tapped into that love?
     I will leave you with an image a number of us saw live on the news. It was a moment when a Russian soldier in his twenties was captured by the Ukrainians and brought to the town square.
     The people surrounded him. And then one of the women in the crowd pushed forward and offered him soup. And then another woman stepped forward and offered a cell phone, and said, “Here, why don't you call home?” And the soldier started to cry. There are those tears again. The soldier started to weep."        James O'Dea https://pod.servicespace.org/118/doc?did=481 .

"Through violence you may murder a hater,
but you can't murder hate through violence.
I have decided to stick with love,
for I know that love is ultimately
the only answer to humankind's problems."    Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

      "I immediately relinquish any need or inclination toward conflict in my life or anywhere in the world. I align my heart and mind to the Divine Pattern of Cooperation and tolerance both in my personal life and in the world as a whole.
      I affirm and intend cooperation and tolerance between all peoples within each country, between nations, within each region of the world, and as one global human family.
     We pray that the leaders of all nations are drawn to feel the Divine Source of all and to take practical action to effect real and lasting peace." Adi Da

Neil Young - Imagine (from "America: A Tribute to Heroes")

 

What is Dependability?

     “The central fallacy of modern life is the belief that (materialistic / self-centered) accomplishments … can produce deep satisfaction.” 
                                                                                                                    David Brooks

     The vast majority of our precious time & energy is spent chasing after these accomplishments.
     Exponential year-over-year increases in corporate profits fail to deliver the deep happiness we hope for. Despite being (financially) richer than ever, we in 'developed' countries experience progressively rising rates of anxiety, depression, burnout, bullying, partisanship, obesity, diabetes, hypertension, hoarding, every imaginable addiction, mass shootings, suicides, destruction of the air / soil / water, and mass extinction of plant & animal species.
     Our exclusive focus on personal material gain appears to be a serious mistake.
     Can we take a close look at 'character'?

     “People with character ... tend to have a certain level of self-respect. Self-respect is not the same as self-confidence or self-esteem. Self-respect is not based on IQ or any of the mental or physical gifts that help get you into a competitive college. It is not comparative. It is not earned by being better than other people at something. 
     It is earned by being better than you used to be, by being dependable in times of testing, straight in times of temptation. It emerges in one who is morally dependable. Self-respect is produced by inner triumphs, not external ones. It can only be earned by a person who has endured some internal temptation, who has confronted their own weaknesses and who knows, ‘Well, if worse comes to worst, I can endure that. I can overcome that.’
     My general belief is that we’ve accidentally left this moral tradition behind. Over the last several decades, we’ve lost the language, this way of organizing our life. We’re not bad. But we are morally inarticulate. We’re not more selfish or venal than people in other times, but we’ve lost the understanding of how character is built. … Without it, there is a certain superficiality to modern culture, especially in the moral sphere.” 
       David Brooks "The Road to Character." Random House, 2015.

     May this Covid 19 pandemic help lift us out of "the shallows" and re-establish the centrality of depth of character. 

     Below, a poem from a time of great hardship, which forged the character of our grandparents & parents to not only survive, but thrive, despite two World Wars, the Great Depression, and countless profound personal existential challenges ...

And People Stayed Home

Kathleen O'Meara's poem, written in 1869, after the famine

And people stayed home
and read books and listened
and rested and exercised
and made art and played
and learned new ways of being
and stopped
and listened deeper
someone meditated
someone prayed
someone danced
someone met their shadow
and people began to think differently
and people healed
and in the absence of people who lived in ignorant ways,
dangerous, meaningless and heartless,
even the earth began to heal
and when the danger ended
and people found each other
grieved for the dead people
and they made new choices
and dreamed of new visions
and created new ways of life
and healed the earth completely
just as they were healed themselves.

www.etsy.com

Real Resilience

     We all would love to be resilient - not just a bit more, but resilient to the max. What do we really mean by that? Perhaps superheros like Superman or Spiderman fit the bill. But where do such ideas even come from? Is this just wishful thinking?
     We're constantly overwhelmed by news of disasters, natural & human-induced, past, present & impending. Due to our "negativity bias," fearful negativity unfortunately grabs & holds our attention infinitely more powerfully than do dramatic acts of human decency.
     Each and every day, the vast majority of us - billions around the world - work hard all day, doing our best both at work, as well as to look after our loved ones. This never makes the news.
     During catastrophic natural disasters, like the 2004 tsunami that hit Thailand, local people whose loved ones, homes & possessions had literally been just swept away, were selflessly helping others, even tourists - most of whom lost nothing more than luggage.
     After what seems like an increasingly frequent natural event - learning that one has only a few months to live due to incurable, late-stage cancer - roughly 40% of such people, experience post-traumatic growth. Instead of remaining "shipwrecked" following such a sudden, total demolition of their self-concept & worldview, they display the remarkable capacity - that we ALL share - to 'rise from the ashes' with a more accurate, infinitely more resilient self-concept & worldview. (See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2012/01/post-traumatic-growth.html and Elizabeth Lesser. “Broken Open. How Difficult Times Can Help us Grow.” Villard, 2005.)

     Human beings have an infinitely wide spectrum of perspectives, worldviews, self-concepts, capacities, talents, etc. During natural disasters there are many, many 'unsung heroes,' as well as some looters. Along with a few saints, and the vast majority of decent, honest folk, a small fraction of us are selfish, bitter & miserable, not just after a devastating diagnosis, but even under enviably favorable circumstances, including a long life. The human species is "like a box of chocolates"! But let's remember that we ALL have a wonderful capacity for amazing resilience.

“To live is the rarest thing in the world.
Most people exist, that is all.” Oscar Wilde

“Death is our friend precisely because it brings us into absolute and passionate presence with all that is here, that is natural, that is love.” Rainer Maria Rilke

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty ‘yes!’ to your adventure.” Joseph Campbell

Meaningful Connection

     When we're under a lot of stress, we tend to feel isolated, alienated, all alone, like nobody cares about us, me against the world. Most people are drawn to mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) courses to better manage their stress and become more resilient in the face of life's many and unpredictable challenges.
     "Resilience is our inherent capacity to see beauty, find connection, commune with something larger than ourselves, and create – even in or after horrendous experiences." Staci Haines
     Stress tends to close us down - we back away from our own authenticity, others & the environment. Resilience allows us to open up, and connect with our own authenticity, with others & the environment.

     "In trauma-sensitive mindfulness practice, resilience involves imagining a place, activity, or memory that connects us to a sense of well-being … This can be cultivated by introducing a brief intervention during mindfulness practice or by practicing a separate guided meditation. Once people feel they can stabilize their attention on the resilient stimuli – the feeling of being somewhat safe, or a positive memory – we can then guide them to feel physical sensations that correspond with the resilient object of attention.”  David A. Treleaven. “Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness. Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing.” W.W. Norton & Co, 2018.

     It's profoundly calming (self-soothing, self-regulating) to vividly remember the physical sensations during a time when we felt deeply connected to ourself, another person, an animal, the environment, or even an activity. Safety, trust & love dominate in connection (& evaporate under stress). 
     Savor the interaction in the (11mins) video below, between Susan and Maddy the bear. The quality of their connection is viscerally obvious.

Preliminary & Ultimate Objectives of Practice

      Our task is to discover a freedom that's independent of all circumstances & times.
      Kornfield J, Breiter P. "A still forest pool. The insight meditation of Achaan Chah." Quest Books, Wheaton IL, 1985. 

     As such, the object of the path is awareness and not clinging to anything. But initially, our objective is not clinging to that which is unsatisfactory, stressful and doesn't belong to us.                                Joseph Goldstein

     So what can we hold onto?

     “If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
      If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
      And if you let go completely, you will have complete peace.”

        Ajahn Chah. “The Collected Teachings of Ajahn Chah - Single Volume.” iBooks. https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewBook?id=4CEF53DF37C241A3AE9327D1D40921BD

      See also: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/10/two-levels-of-practice.html

Rays of light are ephemeral; other things less obviously so.

Post-traumatic growth

     "Of course, not all people grow from crisis. Some refuse to accept the need for redefinition, and orchestrate their own intellectual and emotional shutdown. Those who do grow manage to stay awake to the anguish, confusion, and self-doubt. This requires a high degree of tolerance for discomfort, as well as the ability to see the world as it is, not as they wish it to be. Over time, the people who continue to struggle emerge wiser, kinder and more resilient. After they have broken and rebuilt themselves, they feel less breakable.

      Living is a complicated process, a journey of discovery that never ceases. As I grow older, the basic facts of life seem increasingly simple. The closer we live to our core, the more we realize that we are like other people. My fear and sorrow are yours, as is my harsh self-judgment. My desire to be good and to feel loved is your desire, too. We all seek peace."

       Pipher M. "Seeking peace. Chronicles of the worst Buddhist in the world." Riverhead Books, NY, 2009.

Joy Acharyya  http://photography.nationalgeographic.com