The transtheoretical model of change (http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/436-readiness-for-change-is-pivotal.html) reflects our natural evolutionary, personal & species-wide, transition from rigidity towards ever-increasing psychological flexibility. Rigidity is an understandable, yet primitive, fearful avoidance of change. Change that we feel is beyond our current ability to handle & survive. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=rigidity Psychological flexibility, on the other hand, is about bravely opening up to clearly examine & skillfully engage with what's facing us, right now. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=Psychological+flexibility Need for change may be obvious to everyone except the person who is rigidly avoiding change. The rigid individual is unable to fundamentally (qualitatively) transform to a new self-concept / worldview. At best, this individual may think in terms of minor (quantitative) adjustments to reduce stress. Difficulties, friction, noise, liminality are various ways of experiencing a boundary - a "line in the sand" between our current self-concept / worldview and the one for which we're ready, or almost ready. Boundariesare imaginary -not solid walls, nor necessarily sources of suffering. A great deal of energy is trapped by trying to maintain old boundaries, which when released, makes this energy available for loving & living.
“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be. I have watched people choose growth over fear as they navigated some of life’s most difficult transitions. I have seen how it is possible to approach the challenges of real life with openness and optimism – even with wisdom and joy.” Elizabeth Lesser. “Broken open. How difficult times can help us grow.” Villard, 2005. “Trust Emergence. With this instruction we are invited into the numinous but observable impermanence of all experience. To trust is to make the leap of faith required to enter this seething sea of change. Emergence refers to the process by which the complex things we experience arise spontaneously from underlying contributing factors.” Gregory Kramer. “Insight dialogue. The interpersonal path to freedom.” Shambhala, 2007.
These concepts may be useful when considering making, or being forced to, undergo important changes:
"There is an important link between deep change at the personal level and deep change at the organizational level. To make deep personal change is to develop a new paradigm, a new self, one that is more effectively aligned with today's realities. This can occur only if we are willing to journey into unknown territory and confront the wicked problems we encounter. This journey does not follow the assumptions of rational planning. The objective may not be clear and the path is not paved with familiar procedures. This tortuous journey requires that we leave our comfort zone and step outside our normal roles. In doing so, we learn the paradoxical lesson that we can change the world only by changing ourselves. This is not just a cute abstraction; it is an elusive key to effective performance in all aspects of life." Robert E. Quinn. "Deep Change: Discovering the Leader Within." Jossey-Bass, 1996.
"The health and vitality of any living system - be it an individual, family, organization, or society - is a reflection of how fully and freely each unique, diverse, individual element of that entity is differentiated - and - how closely linked, connected, and attuned those diverse elements are with each other. Any tendency toward walling off, rigidity, exclusion, disrespect, domination, or scattering chaos will undermine and severely diminish the health, vitality, and overall potentiality and adaptability of that living system. Any movement toward honoring diversity, aligning and attuning different people or elements in synergistic ways, developing empathic resonance and mutual care will ultimately enhance the health and well-being of the whole system."
Joel & Michelle Levey
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"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."
Mother Teresa
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"When we seek for connection, we restore the world to wholeness. Our seemingly separate lives become meaningful as we discover how truly necessary we are to each other."
Keeping an open mind-heart to reality's incomprehensible complexity, ambiguity, liminality, paradox, constant change, including the inevitable aging, sickness and death of ourselves & everyone we love, is hugely challenging. But because of our impressive repertoire of subconscious avoidance maneuvers, we're minimally conscious of how powerfully this impacts our daily life. We're usually unaware of the severity of our existential dread & anxiety. Nor do most of us have an intelligent, mature, conscious relationship with any wisdom tradition - the inner sciences that arose specifically to navigate these most challenging aspects of life. Instead, most of us take one of two extreme, fear-based positions: drift in cynical nihilism - OR - lock into a dogmatic belief system (or go back & forth between these two). But there are intelligent, mature approaches to the various wisdom traditions that CAN help intelligent, educated people evolve in consciousness / spirituality. I'm only familiar with Buddhist, Advaita & Christian paths. There are other wisdom paths (Aboriginal, Hindu, Kabbalah, Sufi, etc) & other superb authors. Even outspoken atheists, like Sam Harris (below), recognize the vital role of wisdom traditions.
Adyashanti.
“The End of Your World. Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of
Enlightenment.” Sounds True, 2010.
Freeman L. “Jesus the teacher within.” Medio Media / Continuum, 2000.
Goldstein J. "Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening." Sounds True, 2013.
Helen Hamilton. “Reality Check. A Simple Guide to Final Enlightenment.” Balboa, 2021.
Helen Hamilton. “Dissolving the Ego.” Balboa Press, 2021. Harris S. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014. Hollis J. "What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life." Gotham, 2009.
Hollis J. “Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life.” Gotham Books, 2005.
Isira. "Buddha on the Dance Floor."
Living Awareness, 2014. Keating T. “Invitation to Love. The Way of Christian Contemplation.” Continuum, 1998. Kornfield J. "Awakening is Real. A Guide to the Deeper Dimensions of the Inner Journey." Sounds True (audio) www.soundstrue.com
May G. "Addiction and Grace. Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions." HarperCollins, 1988.
May G. “Simply sane. The spirituality of mental health.” Crossroad, 1994. Palmer PJ. “A hidden wholeness: The journey toward an undivided life.” John Wiley & Sons, 2004. Parks SD. “Big questions, worthy dreams. Mentoring young adults in their search for meaning, purpose, and faith.” John Wiley & Sons, 2000. Sawyer D. “Huston Smith: Wisdomkeeper. Living the World’s Religions. The Authorized Biography of a 21st Century Spiritual Giant.” Fons Vitae, 2014. Smith R. “Awakening. A Paradigm Shift of the Heart.” Shambhala, 2014. Walsh R. “Essential spirituality. The 7 central practices to awaken heart and mind.” John Wiley & Sons Inc, 1999.
Welwood J. ed. “Ordinary magic. Everyday life as spiritual path.” Shambhala, 1992.
We ALL inevitably undergo MANY significant changes throughout a lifetime: being born, starting school, moving out of our parents’ home, falling in love, starting a new job, birth of our child, starting and ending relationships, retirement, serious illnesses, death of loved ones, aging, our own death. While we have little or no control over these major transitions themselves, we have complete control over how we relate to them – and thus over the impact these have on us - whether we suffer or benefit. No matter how traumatized some people are by these perfectly normal, inevitable life events, others grow and benefit (“post-traumatic growth”) from the exact same events. They grow via psychological flexibility rather than embalming themselves in dysfunctional rigidity.
“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty
‘yes!’to your adventure.” Joseph Campbell
We all hold firm to the ideas we've - mostly unconsciously - formulated that are essentially survival strategies. A few of these are important & useful throughout life; while mostare justlife lessonsin various disguises. And yet, our old dogmatic rules for lifecan keep us imprisoned in a tight little box, fearing that even examining & questioning them consciously is to risk death& eternal damnation. Of course it's far easier to see such rigidity of speech & behavior in others. Wemight clue in to our own imprisonment whenever our anger is suddenly triggered, when we refuse to look deeper into, consider alternative ways of thinking about, or further discuss certain ideas. Religion, politics & personal finance seem to be common no-go zones - triggers forrigid little box certainties.
At the bottom of the page is imho Helen Hamilton's most valuable guide to help us experience freedomfromunnecessary suffering. Fully90-95% of our suffering is unnecessary because we unwittingly bring it upon ourselvesby rejecting parts of reality we don't want, and by clinging to parts of reality that we do want. The mindonly understands controlling our environment, even when it cannot be controlled - which makes no sense& of course causes prolonged, unnecessary suffering. Especially those who've had a great deal of success controlling life using the mind, may find it very counterintuitive & almost impossible to shiftfrom our common hyper-rational, head-centered operating system to asupra-rational (NOT irrational), spiritual heart-centered one. We may have to suffer needlessly, for a very long time before we allow ourselves to make this ESSENTIAL SHIFT. Helenskillfully guides us to radically accept ALL of REALITY - saying: "Yes to everything!”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUOtVI_LnUU
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us." Marianne Williamson
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein
"The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences..." Sengstan
"The lightwithin you, when resolutely recognized in all circumstances, has the capacity to embrace everything. This uncompromising acceptance is, in fact, your true nature." Amoda Maa
"There never was a time when you or I did not exist. Nor will there be any future when we shall cease to be." Bhagavad Gita
As soon as we're ready to let go of fearful certainties, the spacious mystery of who / what we truly are & actual reality awaits!
"Try to be mindful, & let things take their natural course. Then your mind will become still in any surroundings, like a clear forest pool. All kinds of wonderful, rare animals will come to drink at the pool, and you will clearly see the nature of all things. You will see many strange & wonderful things come & go, but you will be still. This is the happiness of the Buddha." Ajahn Chah
"We are stars wrapped in skin. The light you are seeking has always been within." Rumi
Helen Hamilton's MOST VALUABLE teaching - listen to ALL of it
"behind all hardening and tightening and rigidity of the heart, there is always fear. But if you touch fear, behind fear there is a soft spot. And if you touch that soft spot, you find the vast blue sky. You find that which is ineffable, ungraspable, and unbiased, that which can support and awaken us at any time”. Pema Chodron Phelan JP.
Practicing with Fear. Mindfulness - published online 06 September 2012.
"For the good man to realize that it is better to be whole than to be good is to enter on a straight and narrow path compared to which his previous rectitude was flowery license."
John Middleton Murry
Fulghum R. Words I wish I wrote. A collection of writing that inspired my ideas. HarperCollins, NY, 1997.
Rigidity, expressed through blind partisanship, is seriously damaging the United States. However, every conscious individual, organization, and country is fully capable of psychological flexibility & therefore maturation. A few reasons for hope:
“for real change to happen, a more humanistic & socially driven logic that embraces deeply rooted universal human capacities & needs for attention, awareness, relationality, & caring has to be legitimated in society at large.” Mette Lund Kristensen. “Mindfulness and Resonance in an Era of Acceleration: a Critical Inquiry.” Journal of Management, Spirituality & Religion. 2018; 15 (2): 178–195.
“Life (can be seen) as a journey towards wisdom & maturity, where both good or pleasurable and bad or painful experiences can help people learn & develop through six recognizable stages: 1. Egocentric (immature, self-referenced existence) 2. Conditioning (learning through insistent and persistent family & social traditions) 3. Conformist (seeking to belong by following social conventions) 4. Individual (starting to think, speak & act independently) 5. Integration (shifting values & behavior towards altruism, through recognizing one’s deep kinship with the entirety of humanity) 6. Universal (achieving maturity & wisdom, becoming a natural teacher & healer).”
Research has shown that in western society, the majority of people past their teen years are at or between stages three or four i.e. are still culturally adolescent. Larry Culliford. “Seeking Wisdom: A Spiritual Manifesto.” Univ of Buckingham Pr, 2018.
“A healthy organization … is one that enables mature human functioning … being able to care compassionately for oneself and for others without losing sight of either, while moving comfortably between supporting organizational goals and taking initiative to create what is missing.” Kathryn Goldman Schuyler, Michelle Olsen Taylor, Orit M. Wolberger. “Bringing Mindfulness and Joy to Work: Action Research on Organizational Change.” Handbook of Personal and Organizational Transformation, 2018, pp1193-1217.
The goal of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) is to help a wide range of participants discover, befriend, and gradually inhabit, embody & express the deepest domain of their being. Given a lifetime of very different conditioning, the task is not easy, but possible and highly desirable.
"The human heart is the first home of democracy. It is where we embrace our questions. Can we be equitable? Can we be generous? Can we listen with our whole beings, not just our minds, and offer our attention rather than our opinions? And do we have enough resolve in our hearts to act courageously, relentlessly, without giving up — ever — trusting our fellow citizens to join with us in our determined pursuit of a living democracy?" Terry Tempest Williams
“Throughout history, the really fundamental changes in societies have come about not from the dictates of governments and the results of battles, but through vast numbers of people changing their minds, sometimes only a little bit.” Willis Harman
Most of us are aware of having certain self-concepts & worldviews, but by and large, nearly all of our attention is focused externally. What we see & think is, we (mistakenly) assume to be the objective truth. Most of us simply don't know that we don't know what's going on. And since we're certain that our take on things is accurate, we're equally sure that different perspectives are not only wrong, but that we should take action to fix the problem. Homer Simpson sums it up nicely "I don't like them - they're different." Welcome to fear-based egocentricity & all that it entails: rigidity, dogmatism, adversarial relationships, extremism, fundamentalism, totalitarianism, war, genocide, ... See: http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=being+right and: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2014/02/492-mindfulness-practice-real-world.html Self-reflection - "a life examined" - is critically important to start evolving out of this primitive, tight, blind, egocentric box. As we evolve our consciousness, there is a natural shift from egocentric through hypo-egoic towards self-transcendence and allocentricity. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/12/capacity-to-deal-realistically-with.html and http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/10/self-concepts-sense-of-momentum-or.html
"In Indian mythology, Indra was a God who attached all phenomena with visible and invisible strands weaving together a universal net. Earth, trees, clouds, mountains, sky, passion, aggression, creativity, women, men, and children, all were connected in Indra's expansive net. At the intersections of these strands, Indra tied dulcimer bells. In that way, as one part of the net was pulled or moved, the bells would ring; when the sound of a bell was heard, awareness of interconnectedness arose becoming another strand of consideration in one's weave. When the bells were ignored, an illusion of separation and independence reigned; the outcome could be destructive, reverberating throughout the net.” W. Anne Bruce: "Abiding in Liminal Space(s): Inscribing Mindful Living/Dying With(In) End-of-Life Caring." PhD Thesis, University of British Columbia, 2002, p12
"my goal is to pluck the diamond from the dunghill of esoteric religion. There is a diamond there, and I have devoted a fair amount of my life to contemplating it, but getting it in hand requires that we remain true to the deepest principles of scientific skepticism and make no obeisance to tradition." Sam Harris. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014.
The general idea of the above statement resonates. Harris would, of course, ridicule a religious person examining science WHILE remaining true to the deepest principles of her religion. From my understanding, to plumb the depths of any discipline, one must completely immerse oneself in that discipline "with an open mind" - be it learning to speak French, play the piano, or pharmacology. Each discipline has its own internal logic and set of rules. This can, and should be done, without "parking your brains at the door before you enter". There's far greater clarity with direct perception than in today's "gold standard" of scientific skepticism. Immersive learning does call for psychological flexibility ie letting go of, if only temporarily, dogmatic rigidity (a psychological affliction in its own right). Huston Smith studied several of the world's major spiritual traditions (Buddhism, Islam, and others) by immersing himself in each for years at a time. Perhaps most inspiring are clergy, like Sister Elaine MacInnes, who while remaining a Catholic nun, is also a Zen Buddhist roshi (master), the highest level of teacher in Zen Buddhism.
Developing a healthy ego or self-concept is only step one. Next we must gradually learn not to take this, or any other concept too seriously. We, concepts, the world - everything is in a constant state of flux. We're always undergoing quantitative changes - assimilating new stuff into our current self-concept & worldview. Periodically we all undergo shipwrecks, where our whole world, including ALL our concepts fall apart. Now we're forced to see reality more clearly, and accommodate by creating a new, qualitatively different, more accurate self-concept & worldview. Rigidity, though common, is dysfunctional & tragically inappropriate for shipwrecks; psychological flexibility, though uncommon & depends on intelligent, mature conscious choices, is adaptive & absolutely essential, particularly in times of shipwreck.
"differences in identity styles are based on a differential balance in the use of the processes of assimilation & accommodation. Assimilation ... the process of incorporating or assimilating new information into one’s existing worldview whereas accommodation involves changing one’s worldview to accept the new information. ... a balanced use of assimilation and accommodation characterizes only the informational style whereas the normative style is characterized by an overreliance on assimilation processes and the diffuse-avoidant style is characterized by an overuse of accommodation processes. ... theoretically the informational style, with its balanced social-cognitive processing, should allow for the most mature defense use. In contrast, the unbalanced processing associated with the normative and diffuse-avoidant styles should be associated with less mature forms of defenses; namely, those that are associated with distortion (neurotic) & denial (immature) of reality, respectively."
Seaton CL, Beaumont SL. Identity processing styles and defense styles
during emerging adulthood: Implications for life distress. Identity: An
International Journal of Theory and Research 2011; 11(1): 1-24.
“The easy path of aging is to become a thick-skinned,
unbudging curmudgeon, a battle-axe. To grow soft and sweet is the harder way.”James Hillman
"Aging is inevitable; becoming wiser with age is not. Researchers, theorists, and clinicians have noted that older adults approach their lives in one of two ways: Either they draw on their strengths and live life to the fullest, or they magnify their weaknesses and restrict their lives to succumb to life's inevitable end. Rigidity is a tendency to resist change, while flexibility is the ability to adapt to change. The conscious aging theory espouses late life as a period of deeper meaning and personal growth. As long as one remains engaged late in life, personality continues to develop. One's sense of self changes as one negotiates the conflicts proposed at each stage (of psychological development). The conflict assigned to 'old age' is that of integrity versus despair."
Giblin JC. J Psychosoc Nurs Ment Health Serv 2011; 49(3): 23-6.
In our "culture, where language is associated only with vocalization and speech, we fall within a 'discursive rationality' which makes the world amenable to linguistic and discursive ordering, molding, & systematization. Any speech act is 'potentially normative,' ... as 'the speech act selects an aspect of reality simply by speaking about it, and whatever is said is then transformed into the statutory basis of a discourse' which 'can ultimately result in constraint and epistemic control'. In a culture of 'discursive rationality,' the dominant form of knowledge is one that objectifies, organises, conceptualises, normalizes, & dictates. To 'know' the world, we categorize what we see and experience in the world – things, people – into concepts & ideas. Instead of being open to the rich moment-to-moment experiences in our encounters with people and things, we 'know' & relate to them primarily through our presumed concepts about them. Such orientation produces a sense of cognitive order & control in our relations to the world. A well-known example is the European empires’ extensive categorizing & detailed mapping of the geography, fauna, flora, habitat, & people of their colonies in their effort to rule & control them. 'Listening rationality,' on the other hand, functions in the context of 'silence.' It quiets our mind, takes away our (illusory) sense of security & control, and opens us to the untidiness, contradictions, & richness of beingwhich cannot be bound by conceptual ordering. It invites us to the openness of not knowing and the 'risk' of growth. Silence can be 'a very fertile way of relating, (as it) might indicate a healthy desire to set aside certain automatic defenses that are only intended to fill emotional vacuums' and 'a desire to abandon automatic verbal sequences that fill our games (of social interactions). The highest function of silence,' therefore, 'is revealed in the creation of a co-existential space which permits dialogue to come along'. Listening in the context of silence involves 'the renunciation of a predominantly molding & ordering activity' and represents 'the readiness to tear away ideologizing modes of reflection which define & constrict the ways of coexistence'. It can be 'a support to the hermeneutic effort whereby we seek to establish a relationship between our world and a different "world," between our own attitude and a different attitude'. Listening is also 'the attitude which can unblock the creative resources immobilized by the rigidity of traditional "logical" education'. It requires considerable 'dialogic patience' to give space to the 'inexpressible,' so that 'the inner experience which is less suited to being "spoken" can be expressed in some way'. In 'listening rationality,' the person who knows is someone who transforms him/herself in order to know, rather than objectifies the world in order to recognize her/himself in his/her cognitive conceptual immobility. To reach the 'highest function of listening silence' for coexistence to be possible, therefore, it is important that we are not confined by the conceptual mind and dominant discourses which categorize, normalize, & exclude. bell hooks proposes education as 'the practice of freedom.' I suggest that is also what critical social work education is about: the practice of freedom from the predominant order of things, that is, 'to transgress' the mode of 'discursive rationality' which privileges the mind and has been governing our production of knowledge & our relations to the world." Wong Y-L.R. "Knowing Through Discomfort: A Mindfulness-based Critical Social Work Pedagogy." Critical Social Work 2004; 5:(1) http://www1.uwindsor.ca/criticalsocialwork/knowing-through-discomfort-a-mindfulness-based-critical-social-work-pedagogy
